A gush of emotions, a waterfall of feelings an unstoppable beating heart.

Quick breaths, slow breaths …

whispers and silence. Glued eyes, tired eyes.

Your kiss wants to heal me. . .

my tug is here and there. You want to lose all you are in me but i’ll watch in awe.

I’ve constantly given myself to you, drooling at every time you showed up – silenced in your approach. I’ve been in different worlds caught up in our soul.

Exasperated, you may leave and find another her.

Unapologetic, I may walk away and another he will discover me.

You entered me knowing it may leave us estranged, I entered you knowing I would be lost in the breath of my own longing – in which disappears as quick as I can disappear.

So why did I fall into your charm, into your secret.. why did I let it chase my being. Oh’ you knew the thoughts of my mind and how you can play it against my own self.

You are an intruder. I never beckoned you. . . neither did I lure you.

A subtle creature you are.

I admire your bravery in which I find that my whole inner

core is not dominated by you.

You are a player, you play as much as you want. . over-exaggerate and create such tragic stories in thought it’s hallucinating and for this

I have no care, in this I have no worries . . for in this we are not attached. You sowed nothing more than a memory in which I am not tied too.

Tears will not crawl, anger will not prevail.. but my heart is no longer your home.

It seems cruel, and vicious and unrecognizable but maybe we don’t seem to understand it in ourselves, maybe it’s too powerful that we fight for it so much.

I’m yearning for you and your aching for me in your own stillness. . then we are cold in our sheets.

This portrait is a design full of white, grey and black.. small dots of yellow and slashes of purple.

We don’t hold keys no more, we are keys.. We wonder in the wilderness, the deserts and the streets of old waiting for the echoe of Life to reveal ourselves to eachother.

Why did you bother?

Why did you notice me?

You should of never came my way.

You should of never felt my heart or looked into my eyes.

Why did you take me away knowing I would only return.

Why did you test the only part of me you knew, was my secret chambered doors, knowing at the right time.. it would be my turn.. to feel it’s smooth caress in my own being.. did you think we were alike. Did you think we were mirrors.

Black mirrors. We are nothing alike.

The art of love is an imagery projected from an outter glass, where the flow of connections beats far greater than seeing you.

You will no longer have my mind or capture my heart, and I no longer yours.

We will walk away surprised by this faze.. this place where we both know no one else will fill.

What to say but to stare at you empty, expressionless.

You tried to bite me. . . You tried to bite me.

I looked you deep in the eye and wrestled your hold.

Until the end of all.. the art of love will be my call.

3.

All I remember was I made love to him telepathically, I felt him.. was it him? A feeling I cannot and will not forget.

I somehow was pulled into his energy one morning and I was caught up in ecstasy.

I guess this drive I feel towards him is something unforgettable, nothing else or no other soul could possibly compare. Complicated in my ways, I sometimes feel that it would be to hard to love me. . that I’d over complicate things.

That my longing is too strong, and deep and at times cut off and disconnected. This I don’t mean to happen but it does and how can one be loved in such uncertanties.

He has never come close to me apart from being close to my soul, apart from spiritually being a face I hold on to.. although I hadn’t looked into him long enough. I stumbled into this love, and never knew I did.

Three occasions I had seen him, The 1st I was crossing a road and he came out of the cafe and his presence roared at me.. I had to look away.. I felt it deep in me.. the second I don’t think he knew I saw, I looked out the bus window in awe of him.. as I was returning home from work.. his focus ahead of him and neither looking elsewhere. He was the only one I noticed on that road, although there were people entering the grocery store ..he strongly caught my attention.. he just looked ahead. The third time, I saw him turn into a road..with the corner of my eye.. and my spirit leaped but I continued on until my heart beated with his.. or for him maybe.

As if things weren’t already strange, from that day everything changed. I didn’t realize it was him I was feeling, having been so caught up on a past incident and my mind trying to make sense of an eye connection that played with my emotion I somehow didn’t realize he was the one I knew deep down I felt. I had no idea why but that day on the bus when I saw him something in me recognized him.. I was so fascinated by him in the most awkward way.. my breath .. I gasped.. on all 3 occasions.

I somehow went through ups and downs, tricks in my brain and I had no idea what I got myself into but I realized I was stumbling in love with this young man, and I didn’t know him.. only of him.. I guess everything is connected. He’s touched me in places that no one has, and my feelings have opened up in ways that I never knew they would for anyone in this lifetime.

So fierce, and calm.. a gushing river and then it transforms into a rocket zooming out of space. . a space only I know of.. I never knew he would know. . or come close enough to know.

I felt him and I allowed him to feel me, and life continues to proceed onwards, and for all I know this experience was something that some say doesn’t always last. I still think about him, I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s okay.. sometimes it’s like he’s here and then he’s gone.. but i’ve also got to live my life. .  otherwise I would go extremely out of it.

What to do when your whole life has been dramatically impacted by something that is far deeper than I could imagined. Something that took a hold of me and it’s winds blew me to and fro. Where everything fell apart and you have to somehow find a way to put it back together again.

He wasn’t an obsession he was somehow a heart experiment completed. He managed to woo me, and I had not been woo’d as strongly as this in my LIFE. No one has woo’d me in my life but he.

There’s a whole range of emotions emerged into one in this writing. Where ever he is, he may remember.. I may run in his mind.. or he mine.. but a long lost love is just merely that isn’t it. The desire to connect deeply in you with another and once it’s done.. I guess the story ends.

Do I want the story to end.. no.. but I don’t know how else I’d react to the story. Maybe the idea of he truly making love to me in reality is something that I think.. what would it be like?

How would I be.. possibly.. breathless.. in deep connection with his core.. would our souls really dance in tune with eachother. I’d never know, all I know is how his energy ran through me .. caressing me.. intertwining with mine. All I know is what I experienced.

I’m a strange young lady in a silhoutte world. . . Love is stronger than death, Love is a lightening powered by a force of wind, Love is a secret parable wrapped in the arms of warm tenderness. What is a deep mesmerizing experience to do .. alter my perception on a feel I knew existed, on something I was highly aware of? Should I continue being it’s role, or at times we step down off the whole wheel of this silhoutte world and understand what we are, who we are and why we deeply connect with others.

I love him, but love itself is more than just what we think.. we have not yet understood it’s intent … we somehow sway with the notions.

I’m a strange young lady in a silhoutte world, and he found me only to woo me. . . and to whom will I look upon.. in this spirit.. and who will look upon me. I guess his spell was my antidote. . my response an endless rebirth.

I’m just a peculiar young lady in a silhoutte world.

 

 

Re-instate

Mans will has become incompacitated by the minds of intrigued men who have become unlawfully bias in the pursuit of world domination. Each move well thought out in the processes of minds in which they form a great multitude of operations conducting hidden choices as a means of reconstructing planetary evolution. Your conscious mind is not wholly what it is and was created to be, neither is it measured by brain functions alone. The brains ultimatum is the life and death of many. The ability to justify existence is known by one source alone. That is the supreme, the existence of things unseen, comic it may seem but the wind forces itself to its destruction – manipulated too by science. . If wind self destructs unseen but felt, a supreme Lifegiving essence is among us greater than the wind. One must not conform to identify with the corrupt act, but one must war with his inner man to forge an arc. Conscious ideas and simularities are a common and proven track record of men, to be honest the peak of a man is scientists discoveries that are only capable of reforming mental states of brain activity through experiment procedures, but cannot reform life to a higher state of welfare. Conscious thought can dwindle conscious perception.  Both being afar off from similarity, and neither cause or affect.
It is one mans own revolution, another mans state and an entire nations ecstatic renaissance. .Mastery of Life must be to live in fellowship eternally but who is the conduct of this move, science experimentation, experience, solitude or the highest heavens?

– LovesMysteries

Kaleidoscoping.

No tears in the soul.

A memory of her and him – her and them.

rollercoasters of emotions, vomits of the

core. Running cannot solve matters.

The past only must be left behind, why revive it.

Blood and sweat running down my body –

I guess this was what I asked for. The bruised

heart is the glassed art piece in the gallery.

Roses never fade.

Emotions numbed by all there is, is the rock

really firm to not feel? To watch the feel and

glance at it’s story in us all. Is this what it all was.

The sight to sunrise in dark matter, the unquenchable

force of wind, the solitude itself sat in confinement..

what must the silence say, without your presence?

Neither gloomy, neither forcefully in high – but the neutral

essence of the being, the eyesight of the seeing.

Seen or Unseen, whats the worries or even the

bother, for when your seen.. theres not at all

a difference even when not. The mystery is somewhere

in the locked door, the existence in a haze of smoke,

the smile with hidden eyes, the sight in which

glances away. Tears and joys of life and the

fallen leaves of the age.

The long walk with the mystery is worth..

more than any treasure. The open fruit juice,

melting with sweetness in the mouth of the babe..

the smile of the Father and Mother.

Do you see the eyes unseen, do you see it.

It’s a life within you – unstoppable and called on.

Many eyes around us, within us.. but this beauty

unseen is actually evidently seeing. . I see it right now.

It’s existence peaks not through my eyes alone.

That aliveness is

not only present through the eye – but the mystical

eye. . Holy Spirit – the wholeness of Spirit revived in ones

own Living soul. . yes within the soul lives the immortal eyes of the many eyed ones.

The soft heart, reaching out of the world – furthur on from this clay – activating a mysterious wind around it.

Listen to the soul of the curvascious piano, observe the

elegant legs of the ballet, the still melodic turn of

the peacock. Are all these my anchors and more,

we can not foretell the comings and goings of

this life can we? Is the golden age a time of unlimited

spiritual existence within the both of us?

Are we the repetoire of our own neuro-shrewedness?

Does the heavy breaths matter, the sighing of your moans in the ear of the lover, the tears of love and abound patience in the clutter.

The bodies clinging to eachother desiring not to let go, the touch of eachother so soft and so slow. . . is this outter body experience of the souls a vivid climax of the eternal presense in commune – right there among them.

The heat of the eyes of their souls pleading for nothing else but more, more, and more.. the weakness and strength the murmours and shouts, the eyes closed.. nothing else but

a motion where feels are now exterminated & what is left

has not touched earth as of yet, but it explodes in the arms of the both of them?

These are not feelings, they are not emotions … why do they behave in such a way where it cannot control them..

now they control this and when they think they

are in control, they lose it all and then

the many eyed ones take place in this ancient home

and then they disappear in the dance – the sacred

dance unspoken of – their own mystery silence.

Is this what I asked for? To see and see and see. . .

We keep Kaleidoscoping.

 

 

 

Lucid Discoveries.

Can one distinguish the fact between autonomy and empiricism?

Autonomy is holding the self-governing, self-will and ever-growing potential in the balanced source within to evaluate the proceedings of Life’s ultimate will in the home of the beholder.

Empiricism is Knowledge and experience, accumalated through philosophy and the excessive study of books so one’s own brain can create it’s own wit began by another.

They both work together quite well allowing one to form new forms from both themselves and the knowledge they inherit from others and from observation.

Exploration is in fact a word that is an experiment of one’s own self. This is acceptable when one’s own reason is capable of understanding that it can go beyond it’s own being. Going beyond, is this one’s own secret? To go beyond, you either tread carefully or lose your method in the process, regaining yourself is a war. Do you know the master in who trains you for the greater beyond?

For it is not against human enemies that we have to struggle up against but against the principalities and the ruling forces who are masters of the darkness in this world, the spirits of evil in the heavens. (Ephesians 6:12)

To man it is impossible, but nothing is impossible to God. Direct words from the Christ.

What does it take to explore? Equilibrium, the state of one’s own calmness. This mystery is revolved in every being but we do not shed ourselves completely, to maintain it’s momentum.

Autonomy is self based, giving one the right to establish for himself his own setting, empericism allows your knowledge and experience to create your facts, and therefore adhere to philosophical information to branch from .. more and more. Exploration is the dive, but the dive is silence. Ideas and concepts create whirlwinds of information and excitement, exploration, when it’s rational state has continually knocked within itself.. has its foundation in both masteries within autonomy and empericism.

We sometimes do not know what we hold.

You are the philosophy of life under the arc of covenant which of course is defined by the mystery itself, the kingdom being inside of you and not outside of you. So what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? He gains nothing. His pleasures and excitments are of the physical creations that limit his horizon at the source within, which is  built to gain more of him and less of the outter him.

New creation’s derive from order in exploration of the inner man, which does not consist of outter appearance. So diving into silence, is the only way to therefore pin one’s own perceptions, whether skeptical in theory or found in providence in a divine stature within one’s own home.

So Love, your decor and mannerisms are of it’s own accord.. To one’s own wishes, not confined by the shaking of hands, or the kiss on the cheek neither the foolish laughter of secret jokes or even so the polluted idea’s of concepts.

Be ye not conformed to the world, but be renewed in the mind, above is within – below is without.

Think of the things above, everything honourable, true, upright, what is good and praiseworthy. (Phillipains 4:8)

If that rule regulates in you exploration is therefore creating it’s own paradigm within you.

 

Challenges

Do they push us for greater or do we stay cradled in the manger?


 

I often time’s wondered why challenges were a part of life.. in what ways we were able to see ourselves through difficulties, or maybe through the joys. Through the whole journey the mental processes somehow develop faculties that enhance our perspective in the different alleyways of the mind.

Usually we are prone to over-react, distancing ourselves – fighting our being and others around us but we do not stop to revitalize the inner man, or in other cases to view our inner beings as a source of life to expand than to deteriate in our own means.

Challenges come in many ways to stop us from developing life from within us or to allow us to strive to develop more life from within us. If God has given us Life to it’s full, why does humanity allow deception of concepts and idea’s to derange there way of thinking as soon as challenges appear or even so without the challenges appearing?

There are two roads in life: The wide and spacious road in which many go through and it leads to destruction. This road is made up of things outside of you seeking to get within you, things that influence us in every area of our life, supporting our challenges and befriending them. Many take this road because it’s easy to run from your problems, right? It’s easy to have an escape route than face who you really are.. It’s easy to allow the serpent to whisper lies in your mind and you follow the whole crowd.. or even the knowledge of all these good and evil dysfunctional ideas. Self destruct why don’t you. Follow the world, why don’t you. Be an ambassador for deception – atleast you can hide away from reality.

The other road is a narrow gate, and a hard road that leads to life, and only a few find it. This road is not easy, this road will arouse the challenges to appear more frequently than usual, this road will anger the masses, it will at times anger you for it is the road for the sentiment, the bold and courageous, the faithful, the seekers of truth, the one’s who question their existence. This road is for those who do not want to fit into an agenda but to explore the mysteries of life within them. Oh fellow friend how hard this road is, to be forced to adhere to the profanities of the world, to run from the lures of the outter man, to heed to the voice of the inner man.. to connect and disconnect from God – the supreme echoe of silence in ourselves – the still calming voice of hope inside..to somehow pursue the deepest part of your ownself and allow it to reveal to you all the lies of this carefully planned out corruption of reality – made by forces that work with power, pride and every deadly act of the soul.

   Are challenages a pinnacle movement of our souls or the last straw in the hay and lights are out?

Can you justify yourself in the mist of challenges?

Are you able to re-enforce a new developing being in the challenge or does the old template re-enforce you to become it’s delerium.

Let us bear in mind, the mental processes are a way we can fend for our own insight and as well as that share the spiritual truths from within them.

Will you always be in a manger or will the challenge make you see the greater within you, than what appears to be in the world?

If the world is already judged, then adjust yourself to righteous judgement and spiritual truth – maybe find the hidden depths of your own being too, this will definately guide you. The Holy Spirit doesn’t lie when it says he is your comforter.

Be not dismayed, didn’t Christ say he had already conqueored the world.. what about you.. can the challenage conqueor you or are you able to rise from within and know that to man it is impossible but to God, he who governs life in righteousness, in spirit and truth –  nothing is impossible.

 

C’est La Vie

C’est La Vie

It is Life, It is Life.

Everything spoken, it is Life.

Never taken, it is Life. . Passing on. . It is Life.

Always added into. . . it is Life.

Eternal – it is Life.

C’est La Vie, C’est La Vie

God, C’est La Vie – Our Life.

My Soul Love

I imagined it would change. . .

I imagined it would go on,

Moments in moments we create hell and we create heaven.

Sometimes you disappear and sometimes your here, I never really knew what I was doing to you.

Sorry I hurt you, sorry I made you suffer, sorry it was difficult for you. All I ever wanted was to see you smile, to see you happy to see you in love. I never thought imagination would destroy us at some point.

Sometimes the imaginations were out of me, and I never saw them coming, they happened to pop out of no-where. You understand though, you always did. . . my soul.

Never judging me, quiet.. alone.. hardly any words but you whispered to me at times. We would sit together, write together – just like we’re doing now. We understood quietly.

Our mystery was never told it was constantly back and forth because no one desired us to be together, they always tried to break us apart but I never wanted to let you go. I never want to let you go.. I don’t care what they say.. it seemed like you was ripped away from me. It hurt, and because of this I suffered.

You comforted me in my lonely hours, from years ago.. smiling at me in the mirror and sometimes crying with me. They always wanted to control you.. why?

Wasn’t we good enough together. . why did we make people seem scared or uneasy around us.. some loved us but others felt something that caused them fear. Then we began to fear and then I lost you.

I would go on walks and sit.. staring wondering where we would go, I sometimes felt you dissolve. We was always told to be quiet. . always told we were a problem?

I loved you with everything I had even when I felt the pain you was always there.. always, comforting me. How we picked ourselves up and carried on. I love you, I love you so much because of everything you dealt with ..with me.

There is no greater love, than this soul love – the one in whom rests in me, the one in whom allows me to be free. The one in whom doesn’t judge me. The one in whom says it will be okay. You were my secret for some reason, the whole world knows what we fought for.. our surroundings look on and see the aftermath.

Soul love, you remember much.. you do. You never said much but you remembered, you felt and you was distant, somehow you was like this big ball of fire that had an effect but you never allowed yourself to be the full effect, or maybe it was me. Maybe I held you in so much, I treasured you and was scared to give it all away but then somehow ..you was taken but you was still here.

My soul love, I never forgot you from the moment I laid my eyes on you.. I never forgot you. I always saw you. Always. I knew you saw me. We both saw eachother. We saw everyone.

My soul love I cannot explain this water you fill me with, this peace you give me, this silence you swim in.. but i’m intoxicated by it’s breeze and only now.. my soul love.. only now i’m ready to take this dance with you.

I need you and you need me.

I have always loved you, and will always love you.

My precious, my diamond, my rock.. my pearl. . .

My soul love x

The Blind Man

He who is misled by his delusions,

He who is frightened by his own malicious thoughts…

He who is forced to change the actions of others by manipulation of thoughts and words.

The blind man is only intent on his own doings, he does not seek to be with those who sow in his field. He is led by his own thinking, and his mastery is a matter of experience in his own fortitude, rather than exploring the fortitude of others and shedding true meaning to all souls via deep connections.

   He must be able to see the tree, and then see the behaviour of those trees, he must understand that humanity is his field to sow within, he must understand his part in the mission of soul existence. Existence is a matter of following through – theres a broad and a narrow way. He who pays attention can master the thought of which idea is broad, and which is narrow.

     Unfolding an element of self is to lie postrate to the throne above all thrones, and seeing whether it is clear or blurred by one’s own illusions.

The throne is governed by The Father – the blur is the hysterical fanatical influences of society which has no real play on the inner man. We are all the blind man asking Christ to open our eyes, we are opened to see the tree’s.. we see many characters and then we are touched by the hand of grace to see behaviours and in this we can relate to those who reflect us unto our ownselves.

    The mystery is not as boring as we think, this is true.. the animals await this true dance of life.. where they are noticed not as things to adore but as beings to see as you see. Where nature can wave at you as you walk on by.

Heaven on earth – Where the light of essence is more than the ever-changing body but the mystery that is a result of the ever-changing flow and manifestation of the soul. The full man, and the explorer seeks to make others full by recieving the fill in his own being.

The negatives and the past destructive thoughts are all mis-perceptions of the inner world being polluted to think its existence is of the outter world.

REMEMBER YOUR NOT OF THIS WORLD.

Diary Of a Young, Mad Black Lady

*Laughs*

How hystericlal this is, rather amusing much?

Feelings taking a hold on me and making me insanely.. sanely, rather sane in the crazy expressingly mad.. OF ME HAHA.

Right now, i’m carefree – after laying out my guts I guess I’m rather pleasent. To recall the years gone by – I’m in such amusement, i could rip out my hair and chew my nails off – scream at pedstrians and maybe chase hyena’s. . . growl at them as they hop into a ditch.

Yes, I was mad a long time ago HAHA no one noticed, HAHA no one noticed and now… I’ve dealt with my miseries which I dealt with long before I met the old lover I held in my memory.. his passing by brought it all back but thanks to the Father who art in heaven i’m on the clear.

God knows I’ve been miss goody two shoes at times, sweet as can be.. oh how respectful and ladylike of me.. none of it is my doing – all praises go to Jesus because without him then hey… this world will be in a downfall – nothing like the Holy Spirit to make a man come correct – I’m telling you..  mmhmmm…

Well my imagination has taking me elsewhere making many stories in my mind, oh how sweet of her.. HAHA one who hardly plays … she just cruises through you know, she’s hallucinated to the foolery but still sees it unfortunately – even her own crazy obsessions. Ohhh … ohhhh *laughs* should i slap myself now… I’ve literally fallen asleep.. wait… he’s calling my heart and i’m laughing hysterically… me .. me? you are calling me? This sweet one as you see… HAHA.. you are playing.. you are not for real, you have a woman, a child maybe..ermm and the past well he done gone and helped me solve a riddle in myself.

Wait, the one who did karate chops on me, ooops sirens came got him locked up. . press charges ME? NEVER.

Ooops he cheated? He vouched to change, he said you a good woman, you brought God to me.. and i’ll come back more mature… but oops he came back to me on my verge of madness.

Need i say anymore… there is plenty more… PLENTY more pains of the heart to make me still look back and smile.

Remember, young lady… Wine and women destroy good men – don’t get carried away with the swing of emotion HAHA … emotion… EMOTION… haha this is pure sanity… SAAAAANNIITTTYTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*She breathes*

Smash up my room? Run outside naked? What about stalk you in your dreams? Should I lick your face, should i spit all over it and lick it off… bite your back and break your neck?

That seems nice doesn’t it.. sweet much… ohhh ohh here it comes.. imagination… ohh I can tell you what this is.. wait.. wait… theres an image of him crawling on top of me.. trying to caress me, oh his heart is beating with mine.. we are both mad HAHAHAHAHA… drunk in the foolishness of this feeling… hahahahahahaha imagination and love …. cray cray cray.

So he beat with my heart, and I done lost it. But I done did already lost it, and again… and again… I managed to stay sane… Oh black Lady … Oh you so fine.. they look past you.. some of them stare at you but they always been scared to talk… I ask myself why? To those who talk they seem to try and act like they are much more than they are.. just why?

Like, seriously… i’m just me, I ain’t no perfect saint but I done seen my fair share of craZy ish on my God damn own.. and no man can tell me nothing about handling anything like a man. . okaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

So, I will close this with a smile and spit on my hands and slap the ceiling… i’ll let my guardian angel pray for me tonight and as I pray.. i’ll be serious cause it’s not easy out here for a young, mad .. black lady.

Peace and Love baby… Peace and Love.

Remember boo boo…

Jesus loves you.. get it right with the Father above all else cause this world gone make you cold baby… real cold.. and Love.. it ain’t got time for cold or lukewarm you better be switched the heck up and be HOT boo… you hear?

LOVE.