Safe to He

She sat in the coffee shop smiling at the passers by as she watched life being seen by all. Her inner essence sat stilled wondering on the Love past.
Her soul was stilled and the passion jolted in her body as she was startled by a presence behind her. She slowly turned around, there stood a young man.. his skin complexion lighter than her brown cocoa skin, his hair had defined curls and his cheeks hugged into his facial bone structure.

“Hi” he said, looking straight into her.

“Hi” she replied, confused..nervous and taken aback by his presence alone.

    He seemed to know her presence more than she knew his. He stood there staring into her, the cafe was near enough empty and an elderly couple facing the outter windows sat speaking to eachother lovingly.

“Can I sit next to you” he asked calmly.
She nodded.

He sat down in the chair not taking his eyes off her, and she was beginning to feel a heavy knot in her core.

‘Who the heck was this guy’ she thought,  his stare digging into her womb.

 He seemed mysterious but very much as herself – pulled away but still there.
I guess it takes one to know one.

“I saw you from across the road, your elegance spoke to me – who are you” he said.

She smiled.. and looked outside the window,

“I’m She, and thankyou for your compliment”

He turned to look out the window,

“Life is a mystery isn’t it, our twists and turns. The insights and questions the whole gathering of what we are. . the hidden things it seems so secretive so scary doesn’t it”

  She turned to look at him.

‘Man this guy is definately heavy’ she thought assessing his lips and his neck. .

For one second she wanted to wrap her hands around his neck but not squeeze it.. to just hold it. She widened her eyes quickly before she would get carried away in imagination.

“What makes you see so intimately in Life” she asked looking back out the window.

This time he turned and smiled at her, his mouth gasped a little.. loud enough for her to hear him taking a breath. . she continued to stare at the window.

“People like you. . the rareness and hope to meet people like you. When you just know intimately theres a deep secret connection they feel and want to share. . hidden in there own shadow with another. I have desired what could tear me into me, what could look into me deeply and then unmould it and mould it again with me and in me. That intimacy that can make me cry and make me weak but make me strong for us both but for the truth. Its something you want to share but cannot be done if you do not stop and look”.

She had tears in her eyes as she continued to stare out the window.. refusing to look into him.. her heart pulled at the grace in his words. He noticed her strong presence heat and his heart was pulled into her, as he felt his own beat.

They sat in silence.

He looked out the window too.

“Whats your name” she asked.

He put his head down,

“I’m He, the one you know ..the one you thought of secretly in you. The one you pondered on but pushed away because of fear of getting to close. I’m he.. the one who knows you in ways you never imagined because I discovered you as you discovered me. I felt you just as you felt me. I’m he, the one who doesn’t let go easily the one who recognizes myself in another just like me.  I’m he the one who understands her.. just her because she is me, and I know she exists. . I believe she does but it scares me, because I know what it could do to me. I’m He, the one I know know. . the one you truly understand even without words. The one who could make me feel things deeply that no one else could, the one who could break me in the lowest parts of myself and I’ll still hold on, because its not you.. it’s me. I’m he.. i’m you, and you already know that truth.”

   She moved her hand to touch his knee, the feeling of her hands sent electric shockwaves throughout his body he instantly stood up and hugged her. His eyes looking dim and tired as if crying – but I guess he knew his soul had enough faith to recognize himself and to reveal himself from his purest being ..what he thought he couldn’t do. . . but he knew she would understand. . He knew she wouldn’t reject him.

He knew some-how she would grasp the truth even it it seemed crazy, if it made no sense. As long as he could tell her the truth. . He would be safe to himself again.

Cradle Me, In the Manger

Seems like letting you go is to painful for the soul memory.
I’ve had many interludes in my musical piece, my orchestra band continue to flow with sweet sounds of angelic poetry.
They say Love is a battle field, a reconstruction site.. the valley of the shadow of death.
I somehow tred carefully and at times I’ve been in traps that succombed my whole being.. constantly crying out on my the unknown and yet still the greatest strength penetrated from the invisible and made itself known.
You came into my life, but you disappeared. .
You somehow were the whole of my heart and my mind and the God who governs that saw how you were the lure into his territory.
The heart of light.. the heart that mysteriously collected life.
Do you believe in something outside of yourself and inside yourself.. also away from yourself something that can make you speechless in the presence of him or maybe her? That silence that echoes more than a 1000 words and that laughter which rolls you both into each others arms. The smiles and kisses that take your breath from your inner being and the dance to the hold of eternity.. the eye stare that grabs your spirit and chokes it into your soul..gluing you from within and captivated from without.
I knew it would touch me, I questioned it. . right where the light was. . it touched the place. Its not needing you, its knowing that not needing you ushers in a call.. a mystic wonder that makes it hard to release such an intense truth. I can’t let you go.. no matter how hard I try.
What has it done to you? Have you changed.. who were you.. who are you now.
Does it even matter?

   I chose God over everything, even where you think you mean everything only God comprehends that majestic sovereignty that none can grasp but those who yearn for the inevitable.

     It’s fleeting, this emotional rollercoaster and then it beckons itself back through other experiences. . but your strength forces the power of this raw burning fire to dissolve into water.

    I care about you. I don’t think I can miss you but I can care enough to know that your presence is a gift. .to me. I don’t know your presence but I feel it, maybe my imagination takes me to that place but I know your presence is my hidden eyes.

Hidden vows in my heart, sweet words only for you. I believe those hidden words are the inspiration for the musical piece, my orchestra seem to love playing.

   You are unforgettable, I don’t really want to forget. I honestly don’t.. but I don’t want to have to be madly insane in this that I somehow cannot perceive reality.

   It has embedded something.. whether we all know it has taken place, it’s already been seen or whether its just a play in action or most importantly beyond belief and the greatest story of truth that recreates itself in us.. who is strong enough to keep the touch with the unseen. The Part in which touches and melts you but the eyes cannot quite resemble such a sacred feel. . its glare piercing to a soft place.. who can take this connection.

    God knew and has always known the imperfection of humanity in which we fall victim to believing the knowing when we ourselves are unknown.

   We consistently wonder and contemplate on the things un-necessary and so what we are lessens in the process. Long was the love of an endless call out of time. I sought for you, did I find you? I called to you and did you come? My heart rang the bell . . did you open the door? I was there staring into your eyes did you ever recognize me?
I looked away ..did you make me look towards you again?
You never saw me but my invisible spoke.

Tell me the mystery of God if he so greatly made me in you.. tell me what a great love one is. For One is what I cannot fathom and even in this state I can hallucinate.. maybe stop breathing and even still I know One is with me.

Cradling one in the manger of my ocean, as my still dances at last in his solemn heart.

What Is the Living?

The earth continues to circulate and over a billion cells in the human mind are operating in this universe.

Some connected to the greatest source of Life – God and therefore connecting with the world around them.. some disconnected from the All.

I’ve sat down for days on days, wondering how the world will somehow change.. politics, religion, nature, sexuality, education, home life.. how these subjects affect our society and why so. We are in an age where global issues such as: global warning, capitalism and the accumalating of wealth has rejected the life that we hold as individuals within ourselves.

The ultimate being that is connected deep within, having the need to evolve soully in the place in which the being finds itself.

Religion somehow empowers the whole communities of the world. The gathering of many religions to form one, have been discussions that have risen in a few agenda’s. In my opinion, religion is somewhat a fraud, don’t get me wrong. . I believe in the God of Abrham, Isaac and Jacob. . I believe that Jesus was the salvation of men through his holistic teaching in the purity of his divine nature, giving him the ability to resurrect and from him would arise a true understanding of The Father and Life itself.

In many era’s humanity seems to change but keeps going in the same cycle, but God doesn’t change. The seasons do not change, the air is the same, and creation stays true to it’s format unless we are disrupting it’s self growth issued from the word of Life, the Almighty Divine One.

I find it unrealistic for people to believe bringing together religions would create a better world. How can many insights come as one if all insights are inspired by different causes of ones ownself. I remember Jesus saying “If your righteousness doesn’t surpass even the scribes or pharisees, you will never get into the kingdom of heaven”.. meaning God’s law is beyond religion, and these religious teachers have no true meaning of righteousness.. they claim righteousness to control peoples thoughts.

Is the state to dictate our beliefs? Should it narrow down a nation? Are we not free to search our inner most being for divine guidance. The Christ mentioned, one must knock, seek and ask?

Isn’t the heart the place in which the Kingdom of God dwells and if so doesn’t the Soul find it’s freedom in reconnecting and awakening that Kingdom in which is the sacred truth of Life.

Life is meant to teach us, our faiths are the guide to life not the religion. The faith itself is the heart, the prayer is the Spirit and denying of oneself is the sacrifice it takes, to deny yourself of food for a period of time to seek spiritual guidance, renewal or even denying yourself of technology and so much more.

We are responsible for our lives and for the advancement of others too and this means that we must all awaken to the unique truth of Life that is our own blueprint, the God-given Divine holyness of connection to The One and All.

I will not say I Am, for this is a matter of working out what it is.. until you learn and grow to comprehend the force itself which is beyond you, in you and by you.

We are challenged by our own faults. If you claim to see you are guilty, it is by understanding you are blind that enables you to see, slowly but surely.

Its not surprising that Humanity’s loop always calls for intervention, not comprehending that leaders are not giving the people the tools to help themselves but choosing to think for them.

What is the living?

Divine Love

I know you believe in us.
I know you believe in we.
God created us both to be together to share
our inner depth as one.
I will never be ashamed of sharing the deepest parts of myself to you, I cannot be.
You have shaken my core and vibrated the holy light of truth in me. We have shared an intimate revelation of our hearts.
You are the sacred key of my millennium, I am the secret door to your portal – with our shared breath we inhabit the existence of the ancient and eternal One, the Lifegiving being in whom all Life was created.
I will not lose my Love for you soul, my wandering beauty and my heart. You are the helper in whom Life promises the questioning man who desires his hidden particles of longing to intersect with another.. that closeness and fire that is stimulated by both souls heading into the unseen places where only God can see. The nothingness in which we inhale and exhale and passion becomes our signature of creation.
You are immortality in the Holy Spirit and with this divine providence we are together in a covenant which is everlasting – we both share the eternal life – and in this we glide through every special gift The Father shows us in which we share in eachother and with eachother, the things unfathomable, unheard of our sweet intimate secrets.
You need not fear and neither I for when we are One and the same we are in the picture of Gods frame.. an art penetrated from the soul and dwelled within his word. My All, in whom life promises me my reflection.. my part, I cannot help but tell you I love you.
I love you, effortlessly, emotionally, soulfully, spiritually, mentally, bodily & Lifely.
For what God formed was for us to unite in his heart and not our own, his sanctuary and his throne being not of this world but out of it.
You will not be shocked at my intimacy, you will not push me away.. you will pull me in and encourage me to dwell within that place for it belongs to The Father and he has been known to me, my gift with you. I am honoured to be yours and blessed to recieve you divine part of I.

       My eternal and infinite love.

                    We have always belonged together.

        Gods Love is Our Love..One.


I guess it is true, I cannot get away from the emotion deep down.
Although secretly I feel that somehow it was a game, the game was the formation of one’s own beckoning call. . . at the same time experience is the  master creator of a better outcome. Replayed right? Ugh huh.. It all was and is.. but deep down i’ll hold on to my Creator he holds the answers to the things we cannot seem to fathom.
I learnt alot from the truth and still have much to learn in it about Life itself – especially myself. .
I study my feelings at this point, observing what hit the heart and melted me from within. He who studied me from within as I crumbled crying for Love and it’s sovereign throne and power in the highest heavens to pour its grace on me through mercy.
I would like to say that maybe the heart-beat was a lie, maybe it was a dream.. maybe my own deception but I realize for me there cannot be maybes. Startled at the fact that I’m forced to examine my true feelings beyond the physical part – I was touched by his mystery. Firstly, Looking in someones eyes that I once knew and always cared about was deeply touching – that it haunted me for time stopped and all we shared was this space. The space that echoed in my soul.
The heart that shared its feel with my own it calmed my soul, it secretly gave me a hidden hope that I never knew was being reflected at me. Humbled by its touch until this present moment and frightened by it’s power and it’s affect within me. I’m silently walking away in a mist of God alone in my own element and world carrying one of the deepest life-changing events in my soul. I want to say the things I know I should but my heart is held back, I do have courage but once again I know this is what I behold and it’s sovereign to me.. it has raced my heart and woo’ed my soul.
The passion to drive me into tears but I am forced to stay firm because I realize life is our field of studying the art of ourselves, shared with others. The mystery man has left a mark of Gods truth in me. I’m no stranger to God’s truth, always knocking and seeking so its a solid sparkle in me.
I’m quietened deep down and i’m strengthened too and my best friend God well.. he must be laughing at me right now as I type this once again trying to express the hardest thing I can’t really express somewhere hidden in me.. in a different zone.
The mysteries of Loves Journey is one we all take, so now i’m quiet once again.. Listening, smiling, looking in..looking out, looking out looking in. Not asking for much but the reassurance of Love and Grace from my heavenly Father to NEVER leave me but hold me forever in his arms.. and be my eternal friend forever.

– Lovesmysteries

Heartless, Heart-full

At this stage you would think smiles are neccessary.

Quite often things we think are real are actually an existence in itself but at times not as we fathom. I’d say my emotions through the process were true, and at this point they are numbed.

I have numbed them.. maybe me.. maybe another – who knows. I take things seriously, and on one hand some are lightly shaken over but this.. this.. I find it quite hard to shake off. Somehow I will let it go, maybe because my feelings are strong and I will not allow them to consume me.. NEVER.

Spiritual realms are real and what takes place there allows me to see a persons true intentions, could you say the same to me?

I know what I feel and never forget it.. it only takes time for me to assess it and battle against it. Maybe it isn’t always what we think it is, maybe it’s seeing simularities in someone else as yourself – maybe thats the whole narrative – who knows. . for One we are but different in many ways.

Could I say his responses in the spiritual realm has made me heartless – never but less heart is applied to this feel, I do not desire to feel from here for it has failed me and he has the capabilities of failing me – I understand this. . not just him – anyone. I have nothing to hide, but even so.. to reveal anymore is pointless. This feel of intimacy will not be played out again, he won’t get there again. A foolish game.

Heart-full, I guess this cup has been filled with the unseen light and now moving on is a part of life – lessons are learnt.

Let go – my being says, just let it go. Every feel has been felt by you both, what else now.. afterall his head would rather lean on another in the unseen world and to me that is fine.. for Life is filled with choices. I’m my own friend, with God inside of me – Me myself and God.. I’m all I’ve got – and I would never beg another to be in my life.

I’ve seen myself, I’ve seen my choices.. my mistakes and pains and my alone-ness. No one has had me but my Father in heaven. The only person I thought was a true connection isn’t as I actually think, it was an experience to learn more about me and Love and somehow take it away and never forget it.. let it embed in my soul as a special story to my ownself.

Do I love his being? I think to have shared a heart-beat and then some deep intimate emotions made me love him for I somehow died to be one in his presence.. not only his presence.. as I think but his soul was felt in the process.. why wouldn’t I love someone who ..shared me with them. Do I continue to feel this way after seeing and experiencing hidden secrets of the soul.. To walk away is the best thing – for it would only turn me crazy to face it all as it is and know that my deep feelings are exposed and it will no longer be me upholding me – for I have experienced another hold with me.

Loyalty to The Father and to me is what matters in this world.. Unseen and Seeing. I don’t know what the future holds, this all has been an Unseen Love.. beginning with me and then my experiences – my challenges – my interactions – my relationships – my all.

Look into the eyes of Life, and tell me it will be alright.. I look at me and say

“It’s always alright, for we ride it out to die – only to live again”



Spiritual beings, eternal souls with fire in our hearts burning for the throne unseen.

  • The mysteries of Love xox



Unseen Love

Tears of an Unseen love, made to dwell in the present.

The realities Unseen creating webs of a hidden meaning within the tree.

The feelings from within seeming like a dream about to dissolve and all thats left would be a faint memory. . . one never to forget.

Leading to a profound sweet melody in the heart, the tears reveal the deepest parts unknown – the hopes and the emotions numbed by it’s own understanding to it’s inner twirl.. as the tears descend to water the flowered heart.

Love, not only a Creator or the creation but the absense of it’s invisible yet visible footsteps. . walking through the garden, looking for the souls of it’s most cherished form.

“Where are you beloved souls – male and female, where are you hiding. . . why do you not come out. . . find eachother in me” Love cries.

She hides away because it does not look as it should have been, it erased her – formed her and then now she’s in his control.. he hides because he doesn’t know why she can’t face the truth of it all.

The footsteps knows hiding only tells the tales of a love unseen, a love locked away, a love not many would dare unlock again… a love not many could give in too. Who could? They gave in to it’s mystery that it led to confusion, she allows the confusion to play.. in which he could walk away for when She listens to the seen being then she is entrapped to another world of foolish games.

Is love just a foolish inner perception?

Is love just a dominating war?

Is love just a series of events to greater implicit it’s lost memories? Or maybe it isn’t the way we proclaim it to be. Maybe the keys are the only source for more tombs and portals, and avenues beyond them, more for all to commune in it’s awareness around them.. just maybe the hidden footsteps hunting for them understood that there passion for it was there own weakness, their own unknowing cry. . there own death and there own life. There own lure’s.

Maybe the sacrifice was a lawless chaos creating both male and female to yearn for the passion and desire even more, creating more worlds outside the garden – more generations to increase.

She didn’t have to listen to the voice, she didn’t have to let him play with her. Although her Unseen love pledged his desire in her she allowed the seen being in the duality of his voice and his intrigue twist her mind to interpreting a love seen for a love unseen that could stimulate her inner desire – the seen stimulated her mental being rather than the unseen one in whom stamped her inner desire without being seen for who he was. The unseen love was able to make those footsteps appear – for they are not works of her or his own but of the divine invisible, visible seeing in the closed principles – locked inside the arch. . . buried in her.

She allowed seeing a reality in anothers eyes to fool her, instead of seeing the reality in the eyes no one see’s but her-self. Her own ancient key, her own scrolls.. her own inner image from within him created to breathe his breath and share his being in her ownself.

Tears of an Unseen love had carried her and forced it’s way into the flower creating more petals to grow, and a flame to occur that this alchemy was not just a forbidden tree but the flames of a sword with word’s unspoken of, worlds never entered and souls never returned to it’s true building.

Unseen Love’s where is your courage?

Unseen Love’s where is your strength?

Unseen Love’s where are your beautiful balanced weights of divine energy?

Come out from among the tree’s come through the mystery now ..beckoning for you to be seen.

Tears of an Unseen Love, desires us all to come on home – home where ideas are not placed, where it’s nature can commune once again, where reality is not forced but it’s adventure is a proposal of a new door.

Unseen lover’s – your tears are heard, your tears are seen.


C’est La Vie

C’est La Vie

It is Life, It is Life.

Everything spoken, it is Life.

Never taken, it is Life. . Passing on. . It is Life.

Always added into. . . it is Life.

Eternal – it is Life.

C’est La Vie, C’est La Vie

God, C’est La Vie – Our Life.

For Certain

Should I take the slipper and run. . that would just be pathetic wouldn’t it. I know what it is I want, but it gets so frightening at time’s to know that all of you is actually seen and has been seen before-hand. Scary much? maybe or not quite so.

    Being more than this dimension and knowing it makes me question alot of things about others and myself. For others it is no problem being there and understanding them, listening and being able to relate in some places or just merely say it how it is. I guess for myself I don’t really know what i’m meant to get, you know? The whole dream world and run away with prince charming is not in mind – how selfish to take prince charming and run away?

   There’s such an intense, overwhelming and grand passion and desire within me – it has somehow been melted as one – a healing, a calm, a warmth.. a home I have come to understand. Open arms ready to welcome you and really give myself away to you. Do I know what that means .. well no.

It feels like intense silences, a touch and stares may somehow move that part of me. It’s everything isn’t it, theres no secret.. and I guess the easiest thing for me is to hear everyone else.. to make sure they are well.. but inside deal with me in my own way.. not really vocalizing my true inner desires to anyone.. only because I know being honest about EVERYTHING I feel would mean I’m more softer in his eyes than he would even know. To let go completely and lean into him as he me.. to allow the whole of me to soften as I know it can.. well.. it’s real.. it’s a big thing – for me anyways.

    To need him is really true, I can’t deny that, he’s not just there as a prop – but to free myself completely.. wow .. this is raw – no ordinary love. His firmness to take it’s control as I know it should, this makes me ponder. I know I can drown.. where’s the lifeguard if he’s the ocean? I won’t even be able to find a boat to get on would I.. so i’ll just drown and then blend in with the ripples, turning into waves and then it’s over.. then everything I know I held up is gone. I’m leaning on you then..

I know your the lead and yes I respect you.. I honour you and give thanks to the sovereign one for the existence of such a stature of a man – to let go of me and enter you… it takes real courage. I hope you understand that.

Don’t ever think i’m crazy for being this way, the source is no game. . if you know, you know. Nothing is a smooth path unless entrusted to the one who hold’s all in all, and so my trust lies in the unseen, existence of realities unheard of .. the things we all hope for.

     Some things fade overtime but this truth it doesn’t die, it is for you… ALWAYS existing before the foundation of the world.

Can you watch me disappear into you and give you everything, to tell you take me.. and love me. Can you do this?

For certain, we never know the plans of tomorrow or even the feelings assured for the days ahead.. but what we do know is what we believe and sense to be as of now.

For certain I know this mystery will expand in us both once we truly discover the dimensions within eachother in our secret place, just us two. Where no one can see but only our souls really aching for that far away land together can begin to explore the hidden worlds within us both. This secret we share, this hidden door we open no matter how crazy it may seem.

I guess it’s all for certain.. she beholds he and he beholds she – and realties unseen and what is hoped for is manifest in them both. The Unseen divine providence, the key to all worlds and empires. Sacred is the Christ alive in us, sacred the life that observes the divine law and sacred the one who’s dedication and loyalty remains in the word itself of force and acute dominance of all mankind.

For you and I both.

My Consecrated Love.


Feelings are just feelings right?

I guess i’m accepting mine, although I don’t understand them. It’s deep for me to truly see myself in this for what it is. I have come to understand that having feelings are not bad at all.

   Sometimes we may feel things that allow us to understand ourselves more better. I somehow thought in myself that having these deep feelings were the worst, because well.. he was never here with me. The idea of losing it for someone else and then realizing the whole time you was drawn in by another’s heartbeat and you never really knew it .. but you did but somehow to be loyal to one love meant keeping the feelings towards the past, but then you knew you resisted the past love deep down but something somehow pulled you into him.. whilst your heart tugged for another. We all somehow got issues, I just never realised how deep mine went – I guess traumatic experiences, running away from myself and my family at a younger age led me in a spiral of different emotions, feelings and holding it up for myself.. I kind of lost that little girl, she was always forced to be strong, bold and to run.. run from herself. She was never able to just be her, for her.. there was always someone pulling her away from her. This always was a pressure on her.. well me.

Being loved was not easy because no one ever understood how to love me, no one really took the time to really get the land of the deep with me. I somehow always showed to much love, and for some reason felt bad about it eventually but never stopped. There’s no such thing as too much love, we can love as much as we can and we should but when people do not understand how to love they mis-use its power for there own benefit. Being vulnerable isn’t bad at all it’s real for you and that person because together you share a world that no one knows, you open up in ways that are comfortable for you both. You share secrets no-one else will ever know, you hold eachother in ways you know the other appreciates, you take the time to care for one another the way you desire to be cared for. Being willing to be that true to yourself and to another means truly knowing who you are and wanting to grow more with another for the sake of understanding life more in depth in it’s mystery.

    I’ve always been gone in the spiritual world even when I didn’t dive into it fully .. I was always there in the land of light.. and sometimes in darkness.. no one ever saw my dark moments, I hid them very well – but the unseen one i knew existed never allowed me to keep them.. constantly nagging my spirit to stop running and denying myself. Fear sometimes would grip me but it was insecurities which arrested me.

    There’s things about us within that sometimes we don’t take the time to see, but some of us do.. not even realizing we are doing it. I still did it.. I still spoke with her and listened to her cry and have conversations to God.. I watched her feelings and her ups and downs.. I saw her hold it on her own without no one really to support those inner battles.. she ran from her but lived in her. It was a lonely walk that no one in the world saw.. until holding it was too heavy.. but to be strong within takes that solitude, that coming away from everything, constantly.

    This year my feelings got real, I somehow had other things building up in me which I knew was not me – my mind was not balanced – I was losing myself because I wasn’t able to understand why I somehow experienced supernatural experiences and would allow them to replay in me, why I always hid from life in my own little way. So much weird things I experienced with my eyes wide open and whilst in my dreams all I can say is.. Life is altogether much deeper than we think but is it a mans job to keep discovering to its core, or when one comes to understand to a level they live and gracefully enter new stages of life in it’s own discovery within it. . if that makes sense.

     My soul runs in a everflowing lava and at times can turn into petals of daffodils and then into raindrops.. knowing me, wasn’t strange at all.. it was realizing I ran from her.. thats what hurt.. she was truly denied.. because she never knew love the way she gave it.. it was never reciprocated in the same way.. leaving her to question herself, her mistakes, her pains, her issues, her faults, her thoughts, her entire person was just not good enough to be loved but she could recognize other lovers, would look away or smile.. or have small talk but never let it get deeper unless it was for friendship which resulted in her being like a mother, a sister, a friend, a brother the whole lot.

This year I had to erase a past love from my soul memory to heal the hidden wounds which stemmed from actually meeting him years ago. At the same time going crazy for him.. the one I never had because of my insecurities, the one I wanted to kick it with but never felt good enough.. somehow my soul showed me I was going to meet him way before I did in the physical. I’m glad I got over it and it somehow all disappeared slowly, even though i care for his soul..I guess faith in the cross helps us see the truth in us. I ended up learning I was beginning to adore another soul.. I had no conversation with, I fell in love with a situation because it played in me.. once again. My heart is very soft, and gets mesmerized and soaked in by special things, experiences and people in general. I guess my heartbeating with his was special for me, I felt a truth in that moment but never questioned it until later .. until it got deep into me and it scared me. It scared me that I had feelings for someone I do not know.. deep feelings and I felt and sensed them in my heart. . the feeling was something I recognized and at the same time I didn’t want to let go of them.

    It’s not everyone we can have, and I understand that. I recognize we love people and sometimes they may not love us the same way or they may come to teach us in depth the reality of the heart.. as we ponder in the space. Love is a gift, to us all a reality unseen and seen here and there.. not always everywhere.

I smile in my crazy because I learn my freedom is by grace and I will never be alone. Someone will love me, and see the beauty inside of me that I see.. and laughed at for years in my room.. in the bathroom.. in the living room. Someone will laugh with me, and pick on me sometimes (if they feel too) but I have a feeling they would be very sweet, someone who would wipe my tears sometimes and let me know it will be okay.. because I at times have some things play up in me and to let me know i’m good. Someone I can jump on, and give bear hugs too, someone I can exercise with at times haha… someone I can travel with and share life experiences with even in awkward moments.. strange moments we will know in ourselves we got this for eachother and within our own selves.. with The supreme eternal life giving spirit guiding us, in the tests and trials of life. We can both learn more about our deepest selves ..and continue on healing more of ourselves and purifing ourselves in the light.

Not all feelings are bad, some show us the truth and others the deception.. it’s on us to face the reality.