She blinked twice, and then yawned as she rolled over in her bed, little old Sarah 5ft3 inches in size, with her smooth brown skin and bubbly eyes. . . in her own world floating by through her lens. She sat up not quite sure where she ended up, somehow it seemed that she spaced travelled before everything actually landed. She was in a bed, surrounded by sun flowers and her pyjama’s were bright pink and yellow.
‘What is going on’? She whispered in her mind. She didn’t quite recall being from here or in any way was this her life. Pulling back her bed covers she stood up looking at the room around her covered in sunflowers – the windows blew open and the wind blew in her direction, the wind whispered the words,
“kina abinda asuwa lawin” meaning
“Defender of men abiding in the warmth, joys and optimisim of a young man”
The wind stopped as she stared at the window, her being in complete perplex stature, outside was filled with water and no paths leading to land. Only here, within this gold room, with a double King sized bed – and the draws in which were dated and seemed from centuries many years ago – yes there dwelt the sunflowers flowing and surrounding the bed and the floor.. she was not where she was meant to be. Even still she could not remember where it all began!
The wind blew the window again, and there she saw 3 little children 2 boys and 1 girl playing with toys, and they looked up at her smiling, “Mommy” they cried.. running towards her, she blinked again and then they were gone. Sarah with her small frame and her short flowy hair, turned back around and walked towards her bed, she was about to sit down until she heard someone calling her name.
“Sarah, Sarah!” she darted across the room, a trickle of fear consuming her, she didn’t reply. The voice whispered again,
“Sarah” and then stood before her appeared a young man, about 5 ft 5 inches, his skin golden brown – his eyes a deep brown piercing through into her. She looked back at him in a calmness she didn’t expect to feel, he smiled and stroked her cheeks – he slowly stepped closer to her and caressed his cheeks with hers.
“Who are you” she gasped.
“Everything you hoped for” he replied whispering into her ears.
“What do you mean, how did you just appear and how isit you found me here” she replied releasing herself from his hold.
“I always appeared to you, but you never noticed me. Before you came here and I know you remember, or recall being elsewhere, you was with me – you and I are were a reflection in someone else who was erased from your mind. I appeared because we hold the same power, I can appear to you however and whenever I choose – likewise you can appear to me.. You just didn’t realize who I was or how to get to me.. only I could reveal myself to you.. in ways where I knew you would know me.”
She looked completely baffled by his response.
“I’m everything you hoped for, and your everything I hoped for but you are scared of me. You know me but you fear me, I know the deepest parts of you but you still refuse to accept me. Do you not see why you are here alone? This is a chance for us to come back again, the way it always should of been. . . you were a blur to my dreams for many years – I knew you in my sleep but not in my reality. I found you, and when I did you never recognized me” the young man looked away. He was strong in his emotion that Sarah was stilled by his being.
“What is your name” she asked quietly.
“Josh” he responded looking at her with affection. He wanted to hold her, and show her much of himself but she was a little frightened. It seemed that he was in fact someone she could remember but it seemed like a faint memory, she seemed to find herself in another world – whatever had happened before was being erased.
Sarah knew she was alone in her world, a stranger to the norm. . the silence and smiles of an atomsphere. She would not only speak to herself but she was a creator of worlds that only she knew. Where ever her old life was, it somehow seemed to have been a place where she was stuck in those worlds, seeking to find a way out. Somehow this bedroom was her way out, it was her breeze.. where only she could stay in her deep emotion and cater to it on her own.
Josh knew he couldn’t let her do that. He knew he had to find a way for her to believe him, to know that he was real and not a wind in her dream or mind. He knew she was not of this world but somehow she was able to float by buried in her own worlds where no one could go in apart from her. He understood this, because he had this in him and it was through her that he saw it. Somehow Sarah was a being that very few would understand and he knew only he would, and only he could.. she was not easy to trace, neither easy to get into but he could – he knew he could and he had too. Lessons come and go in life and Josh seemed to realize this was never a lesson this was his own truth but this truth somehow was so much to bear for itself that it didn’t seek anyone to uphold it. He knew it was designed to be held, and nurtured but it’s depth was so big for itself it could only hide it away.. and pretend it knew not of this life and truth it held.
“Why do you always do this” he asked, looking away.
“Do what?” She responded, softly.
“You hide, you are not willing to reveal it all to me.. even though you know our hearts are connected and our souls experience was for us to both share eachother. . why do you run away from what can help you, love you and nurture you – why won’t you let anyone deeply in” he asked, in sincerity.
“My secrets and my worlds are my comfort and so have been for many years. I never would imagine another to share it with me or to see me as who this being really is. It scares me to let another dive deep in me because I realize the purpose of surrender is to show it all.. even if it appears strange.. I don’t know who would take care of it and not fear going in deep into me. I don’t know if anything ever is real because no one seems to prove to me what is.. I just had to experience it all. So my worlds create their functions and I adhere to them in hopes that they will keep me safe with my God and myself” she replied looking down.
Josh took her hand and stared at them for a few minutes calculating what he would say next. He seemed to be in his own thought and clearly what he wanted to say was abit grander than she imagined.
“In my world, alot goes on. I don’t share it with others but I longed to share it with you. I too am lost in my own solitude at times, I too get lonely and escape but I too am not as what really it appears to be. There’s alot about me that needs to be shown to someone who could understand that part of me and not feel ashamed of it. I pushed people away because I know the sacredness of what is within and it’s what I feel everyday but I push it aside.. I know whats real.. I know whats real to me. I wake up to it, I sense it, I breathe it .. I see it and I know. I know looking in your eyes that you know too but you shy away and you back away from it all because you have had to do it alone. What if you don’t need to do it alone anymore? What if you had someone to be by your side. . someone you know your heart can be released and opened to? This is not a dream Sarah this is true, this is real only if you want it to be”.
Sarah felt every word, as she looked at him she felt hopeless but still continued to stare within his eyes. Her being to herself was complicated, was to big for her to maintain so she would remain silent. She was drawn to silence, but she didn’t want silence. What she knew she had to experience was to release it all, to let it go and to believe her own being was not a problem to her ownself or to others. She had to accept that she was what she never could imagine only what she appeared to be. Words could go on for her, but to her ownself she would prevent the reality of it from going on. Reduced to silence, where it all began to a place where she had no idea even existed. . where the world was just an empty shell and a free flow. Tears rolled down her eyes, as he pulled her to his chest,
“I don’t want to do it alone, but I don’t know how it works. This gold room, this bed – this is all I’ve known as me”.
He smiled. . .
“I know but we can be there together, and it can be me and you in my room together. Then we can walk together, be friends together – experience our lives together with all around us. . together. Its our step and your step is mine as much as mine is yours – just let me in – don’t just push me away knowing me – let me in – just let me in and you will see. I know it’s huge but I know I got it just as much as you do”.
He held her in his arms, close by his chest and rocked her. He understood this was his truth and he was not able to let it go.. it was his responsibility to allow it all to be as he knew it should.. to be what he knew she had been to herself and to others. Her imaginations revealed so much to him that he could not walk away.. He would not walk away. Josh was a man of depth and knew that in himself this depth was searching to be held and opened into as much depth as he. It could not be as simple as he knew, for divine truth was out of his hands but only when he listened he was able to hear the footsteps of his inner depth coming towards him. The wind blew the window once again, and the atomsphere changed, the room was no longer the room.
There they both stood in a park full of greenery and flowers of all kinds, the she was holding onto him and he to her. Both reduced to their own inner silence.