3.

All I remember was I made love to him telepathically, I felt him.. was it him? A feeling I cannot and will not forget.

I somehow was pulled into his energy one morning and I was caught up in ecstasy.

I guess this drive I feel towards him is something unforgettable, nothing else or no other soul could possibly compare. Complicated in my ways, I sometimes feel that it would be to hard to love me. . that I’d over complicate things.

That my longing is too strong, and deep and at times cut off and disconnected. This I don’t mean to happen but it does and how can one be loved in such uncertanties.

He has never come close to me apart from being close to my soul, apart from spiritually being a face I hold on to.. although I hadn’t looked into him long enough. I stumbled into this love, and never knew I did.

Three occasions I had seen him, The 1st I was crossing a road and he came out of the cafe and his presence roared at me.. I had to look away.. I felt it deep in me.. the second I don’t think he knew I saw, I looked out the bus window in awe of him.. as I was returning home from work.. his focus ahead of him and neither looking elsewhere. He was the only one I noticed on that road, although there were people entering the grocery store ..he strongly caught my attention.. he just looked ahead. The third time, I saw him turn into a road..with the corner of my eye.. and my spirit leaped but I continued on until my heart beated with his.. or for him maybe.

As if things weren’t already strange, from that day everything changed. I didn’t realize it was him I was feeling, having been so caught up on a past incident and my mind trying to make sense of an eye connection that played with my emotion I somehow didn’t realize he was the one I knew deep down I felt. I had no idea why but that day on the bus when I saw him something in me recognized him.. I was so fascinated by him in the most awkward way.. my breath .. I gasped.. on all 3 occasions.

I somehow went through ups and downs, tricks in my brain and I had no idea what I got myself into but I realized I was stumbling in love with this young man, and I didn’t know him.. only of him.. I guess everything is connected. He’s touched me in places that no one has, and my feelings have opened up in ways that I never knew they would for anyone in this lifetime.

So fierce, and calm.. a gushing river and then it transforms into a rocket zooming out of space. . a space only I know of.. I never knew he would know. . or come close enough to know.

I felt him and I allowed him to feel me, and life continues to proceed onwards, and for all I know this experience was something that some say doesn’t always last. I still think about him, I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s okay.. sometimes it’s like he’s here and then he’s gone.. but i’ve also got to live my life. .  otherwise I would go extremely out of it.

What to do when your whole life has been dramatically impacted by something that is far deeper than I could imagined. Something that took a hold of me and it’s winds blew me to and fro. Where everything fell apart and you have to somehow find a way to put it back together again.

He wasn’t an obsession he was somehow a heart experiment completed. He managed to woo me, and I had not been woo’d as strongly as this in my LIFE. No one has woo’d me in my life but he.

There’s a whole range of emotions emerged into one in this writing. Where ever he is, he may remember.. I may run in his mind.. or he mine.. but a long lost love is just merely that isn’t it. The desire to connect deeply in you with another and once it’s done.. I guess the story ends.

Do I want the story to end.. no.. but I don’t know how else I’d react to the story. Maybe the idea of he truly making love to me in reality is something that I think.. what would it be like?

How would I be.. possibly.. breathless.. in deep connection with his core.. would our souls really dance in tune with eachother. I’d never know, all I know is how his energy ran through me .. caressing me.. intertwining with mine. All I know is what I experienced.

I’m a strange young lady in a silhoutte world. . . Love is stronger than death, Love is a lightening powered by a force of wind, Love is a secret parable wrapped in the arms of warm tenderness. What is a deep mesmerizing experience to do .. alter my perception on a feel I knew existed, on something I was highly aware of? Should I continue being it’s role, or at times we step down off the whole wheel of this silhoutte world and understand what we are, who we are and why we deeply connect with others.

I love him, but love itself is more than just what we think.. we have not yet understood it’s intent … we somehow sway with the notions.

I’m a strange young lady in a silhoutte world, and he found me only to woo me. . . and to whom will I look upon.. in this spirit.. and who will look upon me. I guess his spell was my antidote. . my response an endless rebirth.

I’m just a peculiar young lady in a silhoutte world.

 

 

i ‘ m – a l r e a d y – y o u r s

Let me not be flabbergasted by

your intention. I’m a little taken away

by your plans. I’m trying not to

smirk, maybe If I do it may put it to a

HAULT. I somehow have skipped through

the phases, waiting for you. Should this be

the ice in the tea, with cream on top..

i’ll stick some toffees into there too.

Why don’t you go ahead and stare me

in my eyes if you wish. It might freak you 

out right, this position we always find

ourselves in. Why are you building houses?

Is this home solid and stable, am I an art piece,

would you stick me on the wall, maybe a canvas ..

or the simple lined poetry from a saying, instilled in the

memoir of your intuition. I’m not addictive.

You just seem to excuse me as some.. skeptic sunflower

in the swirl of a rose. Stop, staring at my lips. I get it,

I really do, it’s on going right.

The constant repetoire of affirmations through us.

Now your staring at my eyes, my brown

pupils have enlarged huh? Your digging

in but there’s no solid answer, perplex.

It’s simple but less aggravating if you don’t

over assess it. It’s strange, us.. me.. you.

I get it, I really do. We both know though, right?

Things not everyone else knows. Is this

our secret, or is it exposed. We aren’t hallucinating,

I can bear solid witness to that, but

your still staring.. what do you see?

A sparkle isn’t enough for you to..

say any words, isit out of yourself then?

You are but a drop of lavender in my essence

yet the oil is not smothering

itself on me, instead it steams. Your holding

the tea cup in a strange way. I never knew you liked coffee.

It makes me hmm.. wonder.

Ground coffee it is. You are interesting. Your smiling.

Why are you smiling. So now i’m meant to look away,

embarrased by your face.

Wait, Argghhh… O o o p s, I just .. arghhh… I spilt it

all down my trousers. Why are you doing this

to me. So your eyes penetrated into me ..

and I was smiling and then .. everything slipped.

Drink the waters of your coffee, and leave the particles

inside ..can I mix it with the toffee and cream?

I’m uhh.. wondering if.. well.. you .. uhhh …

actually never mind.

I get it, I really do. Say nothing, its best not to.

We are a silence that moves deeper than

a floet. . a poet. . a rap. . even a song. .

a ballet dance tries to call us . .  the violin is

digging there  – but it’s just us.

Our own mystery book that we have created.

You are my pages and I am yours.

You are my writing and I am yours.

Delicate you are, it is distorting my sight.

Maybe uhh. . . now I can’t look at you..

now i’m ahhh.. okay stop staring into

me as I speak, I can’t breathe. .

If breath was the last dose

of medicine you would be mine..

no.. no.. don’t respond back – i’m already yours.

 

 

 

Her

I didn’t realize she would be the person that I had finally began to understand. Experiencing her was different, seeing her I knew she was not your average being but having taken the time out to discover her. .  she is not at all like any human I have met. I don’t want to make her seem like some perfect ethereal princess or some goddess. . .she is a mixture of many things which is very difficult to comprehend, her inner being is large but as large as it is , it is scarce. A phenomenon in her own right and yet still it isn’t a care for her.

It is beyond her, seemingly out of reach being not of this world.. although there are many worlds as some may say.. her’s is past all worlds and into the place of the eternal. Wild, yes but her child nature is an attentive wild ..at times losing herself within it. Her inner words are endless, peculiar but effortless.

   Describing her is not easy, she is an experience, a feeling, a deep rollercoaster of one’s own spiritual awareness, emotions and inner world. A path into heaven and a roar out of hell.. a silence of blinks and a smile of nothingness. Must I go on? You would wonder how can she be loved – this too is something to ponder on, for she is full of something so deep that her urge for love is not filled by humanity or neither what it can offer her. Vanity and appearances are a fleeting crack-pipe too her, a disease of the mind. . to read her is impossible but her heart  is the floet of an angel and the cry of a baby, a firmness of a warrior but yet a distant melody.. an ache of a soothing sound.

    I have watched her, and analyzed her, and she is someone whose love changes people ..frightens people.. or pushes them away. It is special, but not something in which comes around often and is understood.. it takes time to understand her for she is not observed with the physical eyes.. only when you see her will you understand.. she is more than the eyes.

   To love her could be a challenge but not a difficult challenge a fun challenge – one in which could push you to the edge of yourself in thought or one in which triggers every part of you at once – leaving you entertwined in your ownself with elements of her vibrating in you. I don’t want to say it is like fire, or like water.. neither like the air.. this is swift, the breeze doesn’t seem to see her or catch her.. she bounces on the breeze – she is somewhat a melancholic instrument – observing the weather and unfolding within it but being an echoe of the weather, unseen.

    I love her soul, and it does have me alarmed at times but it is a special gift, in extreme measures.

Too have and too hold.

For better and for worse

In sickeness and in health. .

She hold’s that key, she holds that truth.

Mystery of mysteries and yet still it will continue to reveal itself.

 

 

Did he Woo me?

It feels like a love and hate relationship.

I know it isn’t. I’m just deeply in this.. whatever this is, I can’t get out even if I try. I know what I feel when he’s away and I know what I feel when his soul is present.

When I feel him, I sometimes push it away. It’s a mixture of me thinking it’s all in my brain, and the fact I genuinely believe this narrative I’ve seen play out around me.. Mr Woo was obviously involved.

I’ve felt things, I’ve never felt.. experienced things deep in me I can’t express or explain.. through the mess somehow he was in the mist. I feel like sometimes it’s not real. That he could be playing some game on me, that i’m actually losing my head and trying to keep up with the story.

I truly believe what I feel  but I feel weird at the same time, like.. it’s this feeling that he’s there and I want to free myself but if I do… it would be soooooooooooooooo strange.

I’m holding so tightly onto this part because he could be the boogey man, and turn out to be some one I hope he isn’t. I don’t know if this is love but his presence means alot to me. I can’t explain how much but it’s like I don’t ever want him to go away. He makes me shy, makes me quiet.. and at times all I want to do is hide. My insides go funny too, and I can’t really hide my true nature bare in mind i’ve never spoken to him, this is all just soulful feelings. I love him, and thats the hardest thing for me to face even though i’m facing it but i’m trying my hardest to keep it not real even though I want it to be. Love is a huge word to use but I don’t know what else to call it.

It’s me i’m trying to hide, the me that finally is freed in the presence of another who understands or wants to understand me. Only because i’m childish and used to being alone and i’ve learnt to like that. I can’t pretend to be anything else, but be me… I wish I wasn’t shy, but i’ve never felt this before, never.

Sometimes I wish it stayed in the dream world and the physical world didn’t make it a reality, but thats being petty. Love is a beautiful thing, it’s only that being naked in love after going through a war is like woah. Whats even more annoying is no man makes me feel as he makes me feel, it’s a unique feeling.. but it’s me. . and thats why I can’t seem to completely push it away. I’m scared it may go wrong, like I am just playing this whole thing ..and then it turns out to be true because I believe in my feelings whether they are there or not, but imagine… actually I shouldn’t imagine how wrong it would be. All I do is run. I show love to people, make them smile or laugh and help as much as I can but I run from love.

I’ve always wanted it but it’s difficult to free myself up to receive it in the way I deserve to have it.. because I know what I can be like.. I may over-love him or be annoying as I am to myself haha. To have a person you can share your secrets too is something fun, someone you argue with at times, you laugh with, hug and joke with. It’s just him.. there’s something about him that makes me want to run, but I think it’s because what is felt in my core is strong. It’s something firm. My whole being kind of looks up to him, like it knows it can depend on him.. and it can actually trust him.. and I don’t trust people, to trust him would mean everything is open to him.

I want to show him me, but I don’t want him to judge me.. or to think i’m too soft.. he makes me soft like REALLY soft.

He really got to my heart and my soul.. and my Spirit knows when that happens it cannot look at anyone else.

It could be Love.

Dear Mystery Man

I may be long gone from your memory, a distant blur.

Thankyou, for coming my way. I kind of experienced something odd these past months but atleast I had you to think about at times.

It’s strange, but weird how I feel about you, I really did think it would leave and disappear and somehow I would forget. That I would fight so hard to make it all go away. It didn’t though. It stayed.

I still think about you. I still think about how you disappeared. . and how I never saw you again.. its not that I need to see you, I think to feel you sometimes is the best feeling. To just feel you, you don’t need to be here.. as long as I feel you for some reason i’m calm.. my hearts smiles. Well, it’s been a ride.. a strange and hard one.

I won’t forget you though, I was washing the dishes and told myself that i’m willing to let you go.. I want you to live your best life..and enjoy a nice partner and for me to stop you know.. thinking of it all.. but like.. as long as you still come up in my soul i’ll feel soothed by you. Isit cause I like you much or maybe being scared that I like you much.. I guess its not like.. to just like you.. you know.. it’s different but I don’t want to get into it.. some things you just don’t explain .. especially when words can’t really do it.. i’ve constantly wrote poems after poem. Its a silent feel but it travels, it creates things between people.. in atomspheres.. but i’m trying to just stay admired by your mystery.

I’ve never met a man like you, and I think thats what makes me kind of scared of you but like.. I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it. Its VERY hard to explain only because I’ve lived in imagination land for so long. If this was my own love I was falling for and picturing you in it then I guess i’m cute and crazy too.

My mind is a awkward place at times, and if you had seen my thoughts .. I guess its embarrassing. For some reason, I always felt that you was able to see my thoughts, or maybe feel my soul. I don’t want imaginations anymore, I want to stop playing all these silly mind games with myself. I know my heart has experienced alot, and I feel that all I ever wanted was to be able to love whole-heartedly without fear of being let down or looking like a fool. Mystery man, we aren’t the same, i’m somehow someone who feels in places deep that it creates a barrier between me and others. I want that place to be broken but it seems that since meeting you, and not knowing you.. it’s been a force to break, but i’m still you know.. I can’t explain again! This deep place is just hmm..

I sleep at times and my soul whispers, and sometimes I hear it thinking of you and talking about you. Well, thankyou for being that blur on a random day.. that heartbeat that never went away, even though I fought a little but somehow it stayed. Even if I wasn’t to have you i’ll still be grateful that I experienced all that I felt for you, somehow it helped me find me again – your face helped me to know that i’m crazy haha.

Now I sit quietly, and sometimes the voices try to come back but I pray and they disappear.. it’s quiet now and all i know is without God’s love well.. where would I be. So I thank God for you.. because your being or the imaginary you in my mind.. helped me it kept me in that place.. that I hold onto. It seems like a place i’ll hold on to with another in that secret place we dwell in our own worlds shared.

Mystery man, you may think my love is weird.. a little different.. or maybe not as you expected.. but know I felt everything. I always feel everything. I felt you from across the road, and I quickly looked away.. what difference does dreams and appearing in my soul make. When I feel, I feel.. and it’s beyond me.. so yeah. . . stay safe, stay loving, and always be you. Your special! I love you for that and I will NEVER forget you. I guess if I saw you again, I’d be speechless..

Love from,

The mystery girl who runs from love xoxoxoxo

 

 

Sunflowers and Erased memories

She blinked twice, and then yawned as she rolled over in her bed, little old Sarah 5ft3 inches in size, with her smooth brown skin and bubbly eyes. . . in her own world floating by through her lens. She sat up not quite sure where she ended up, somehow it seemed that she spaced travelled before everything actually landed. She was in a bed, surrounded by sun flowers and her pyjama’s were bright pink and yellow.

‘What is going on’? She whispered in her mind. She didn’t quite recall being from here or in any way was this her life. Pulling back her bed covers she stood up looking at the room around her covered in sunflowers – the windows blew open and the wind blew in her direction, the wind whispered the words,

“kina abinda asuwa lawin” meaning

“Defender of men abiding in the warmth, joys and optimisim of a young man”

The wind stopped as she stared at the window, her being in complete perplex stature, outside was filled with water and no paths leading to land. Only here, within this gold room, with a double King sized bed – and the draws in which were dated and seemed from centuries many years ago – yes there dwelt the sunflowers flowing and surrounding the bed and the floor.. she was not where she was meant to be. Even still she could not remember where it all began!

The wind blew the window again, and there she saw 3 little children 2 boys and 1 girl playing with toys, and they looked up at her smiling, “Mommy” they cried.. running towards her, she blinked again and then they were gone. Sarah with her small frame and her short flowy hair, turned back around and walked towards her bed, she was about to sit down until she heard someone calling her name.

“Sarah, Sarah!” she darted across the room, a trickle of fear consuming her, she didn’t reply. The voice whispered again,

“Sarah” and then stood before her appeared a young man, about 5 ft 5 inches, his skin golden brown – his eyes a deep brown piercing through into her. She looked back at him in a calmness she didn’t expect to feel, he smiled and stroked her cheeks – he slowly stepped closer to her and caressed his cheeks with hers.

“Who are you” she gasped.

“Everything you hoped for” he replied whispering into her ears.

“What do you mean, how did you just appear and how isit you found me here” she replied releasing herself from his hold.

“I always appeared to you, but you never noticed me. Before you came here and I know you remember, or recall being elsewhere, you was with me – you and I are were a reflection in someone else who was erased from your mind. I appeared because we hold the same power, I can appear to you however and whenever I choose – likewise you can appear to me.. You just didn’t realize who I was or how to get to me.. only I could reveal myself to you.. in ways where I knew you would know me.”

She looked completely baffled by his response.

“I’m everything you hoped for, and your everything I hoped for but you are scared of me. You know me but you fear me, I know the deepest parts of you but you still refuse to accept me. Do you not see why you are here alone? This is a chance for us to come back again, the way it always should of been. . . you were a blur to my dreams for many years – I knew you in my sleep but not in my reality. I found you, and when I did you never recognized me” the young man looked away. He was strong in his emotion that Sarah was stilled by his being.

“What is your name” she asked quietly.

“Josh” he responded looking at her with affection. He wanted to hold her, and show her much of himself but she was a little frightened. It seemed that he was in fact someone she could remember but it seemed like a faint memory, she seemed to find herself in another world – whatever had happened before was being erased.

Sarah knew she was alone in her world, a stranger to the norm. .  the silence and smiles of an atomsphere. She would not only speak to herself but she was a creator of worlds that only she knew. Where ever her old life was, it somehow seemed to have been a place where she was stuck in those worlds, seeking to find a way out. Somehow this bedroom was her way out, it was her breeze.. where only she could stay in her deep emotion and cater to it on her own.

Josh knew he couldn’t let her do that. He knew he had to find a way for her to believe him, to know that he was real and not a wind in her dream or mind. He knew she was not of this world but somehow she was able to float by buried in her own worlds where no one could go in apart from her. He understood this, because he had this in him and it was through her that he saw it. Somehow Sarah was a being that very few would understand and he knew only he would, and only he could.. she was not easy to trace, neither easy to get into but he could – he knew he could and he had too. Lessons come and go in life and Josh seemed to realize this was never a lesson this was his own truth but this truth somehow was so much to bear for itself that it didn’t seek anyone to uphold it. He knew it was designed to be held, and nurtured but it’s depth was so big for itself it could only hide it away.. and pretend it knew not of this life and truth it held.

“Why do you always do this” he asked, looking away.

“Do what?” She responded, softly.

“You hide, you are not willing to reveal it all to me.. even though you know our hearts are connected and our souls experience was for us to both share eachother. . why do you run away from what can help you, love you and nurture you – why won’t you let anyone deeply in” he asked, in sincerity.

“My secrets and my worlds are my comfort and so have been for many years. I never would imagine another to share it with me or to see me as who this being really is. It scares me to let another dive deep in me because I realize the purpose of surrender is to show it all.. even if it appears strange.. I don’t know who would take care of it and not fear going in deep into me. I don’t know if anything ever is real because no one seems to prove to me what is.. I just had to experience it all. So my worlds create their functions and I adhere to them in hopes that they will keep me safe with my God and myself” she replied looking down.

Josh took her hand and stared at them for a few minutes calculating what he would say next. He seemed to be in his own thought and clearly what he wanted to say was abit grander than she imagined.

“In my world, alot goes on. I don’t share it with others but I longed to share it with you. I too am lost in my own solitude at times, I too get lonely and escape but I too am not as what really it appears to be. There’s alot about me that needs to be shown to someone who could understand that part of me and not feel ashamed of it. I pushed people away because I know the sacredness of what is within and it’s what I feel everyday but I push it aside.. I know whats real.. I know whats real to me. I wake up to it, I sense it, I breathe it .. I see it and I know. I know looking in your eyes that you know too but you shy away and you back away from it all because you have had to do it alone. What if you don’t need to do it alone anymore? What if you had someone to be by your side. . someone you know your heart can be released and opened to? This is not a dream Sarah this is true, this is real only if you want it to be”.

Sarah felt every word, as she looked at him she felt hopeless but still continued to stare within his eyes. Her being to herself was complicated, was to big for her to maintain so she would remain silent. She was drawn to silence, but she didn’t want silence. What she knew she had to experience was to release it all, to let it go and to believe her own being was not a problem to her ownself or to others. She had to accept that she was what she never could imagine only what she appeared to be. Words could go on for her, but to her ownself she would prevent the reality of it from going on. Reduced to silence, where it all began to a place where she had no idea even existed. . where the world was just an empty shell and a free flow. Tears rolled down her eyes, as he pulled her to his chest,

“I don’t want to do it alone, but I don’t know how it works. This gold room, this bed – this is all I’ve known as me”.

He smiled. . .

“I know but we can be there together, and it can be me and you in my room together. Then we can walk together, be friends together – experience our lives together with all around us. . together. Its our step and your step is mine as much as mine is yours – just let me in – don’t just push me away knowing me – let me in – just let me in and you will see. I know it’s huge but I know I got it just as much as you do”.

He held her in his arms, close by his chest and rocked her. He understood this was his truth and he was not able to let it go.. it was his responsibility to allow it all to be as he knew it should.. to be what he knew she had been to herself and to others. Her imaginations revealed so much to him that he could not walk away.. He would not walk away. Josh was a man of depth and knew that in himself this depth was searching to be held and opened into as much depth as he. It could not be as simple as he knew, for divine truth was out of his hands but only when he listened he was able to hear the footsteps of his inner depth coming towards him. The wind blew the window once again, and the atomsphere changed, the room was no longer the room.

There they both stood in a park full of greenery and flowers of all kinds, the she was holding onto him and he to her. Both reduced to their own inner silence.

 

 

 

 

Replay

I guess it is true, I cannot get away from the emotion deep down.
Although secretly I feel that somehow it was a game, the game was the formation of one’s own beckoning call. . . at the same time experience is the  master creator of a better outcome. Replayed right? Ugh huh.. It all was and is.. but deep down i’ll hold on to my Creator he holds the answers to the things we cannot seem to fathom.
I learnt alot from the truth and still have much to learn in it about Life itself – especially myself. .
I study my feelings at this point, observing what hit the heart and melted me from within. He who studied me from within as I crumbled crying for Love and it’s sovereign throne and power in the highest heavens to pour its grace on me through mercy.
I would like to say that maybe the heart-beat was a lie, maybe it was a dream.. maybe my own deception but I realize for me there cannot be maybes. Startled at the fact that I’m forced to examine my true feelings beyond the physical part – I was touched by his mystery. Firstly, Looking in someones eyes that I once knew and always cared about was deeply touching – that it haunted me for time stopped and all we shared was this space. The space that echoed in my soul.
The heart that shared its feel with my own it calmed my soul, it secretly gave me a hidden hope that I never knew was being reflected at me. Humbled by its touch until this present moment and frightened by it’s power and it’s affect within me. I’m silently walking away in a mist of God alone in my own element and world carrying one of the deepest life-changing events in my soul. I want to say the things I know I should but my heart is held back, I do have courage but once again I know this is what I behold and it’s sovereign to me.. it has raced my heart and woo’ed my soul.
The passion to drive me into tears but I am forced to stay firm because I realize life is our field of studying the art of ourselves, shared with others. The mystery man has left a mark of Gods truth in me. I’m no stranger to God’s truth, always knocking and seeking so its a solid sparkle in me.
I’m quietened deep down and i’m strengthened too and my best friend God well.. he must be laughing at me right now as I type this once again trying to express the hardest thing I can’t really express somewhere hidden in me.. in a different zone.
The mysteries of Loves Journey is one we all take, so now i’m quiet once again.. Listening, smiling, looking in..looking out, looking out looking in. Not asking for much but the reassurance of Love and Grace from my heavenly Father to NEVER leave me but hold me forever in his arms.. and be my eternal friend forever.

– Lovesmysteries

Heartless, Heart-full

At this stage you would think smiles are neccessary.

Quite often things we think are real are actually an existence in itself but at times not as we fathom. I’d say my emotions through the process were true, and at this point they are numbed.

I have numbed them.. maybe me.. maybe another – who knows. I take things seriously, and on one hand some are lightly shaken over but this.. this.. I find it quite hard to shake off. Somehow I will let it go, maybe because my feelings are strong and I will not allow them to consume me.. NEVER.

Spiritual realms are real and what takes place there allows me to see a persons true intentions, could you say the same to me?

I know what I feel and never forget it.. it only takes time for me to assess it and battle against it. Maybe it isn’t always what we think it is, maybe it’s seeing simularities in someone else as yourself – maybe thats the whole narrative – who knows. . for One we are but different in many ways.

Could I say his responses in the spiritual realm has made me heartless – never but less heart is applied to this feel, I do not desire to feel from here for it has failed me and he has the capabilities of failing me – I understand this. . not just him – anyone. I have nothing to hide, but even so.. to reveal anymore is pointless. This feel of intimacy will not be played out again, he won’t get there again. A foolish game.

Heart-full, I guess this cup has been filled with the unseen light and now moving on is a part of life – lessons are learnt.

Let go – my being says, just let it go. Every feel has been felt by you both, what else now.. afterall his head would rather lean on another in the unseen world and to me that is fine.. for Life is filled with choices. I’m my own friend, with God inside of me – Me myself and God.. I’m all I’ve got – and I would never beg another to be in my life.

I’ve seen myself, I’ve seen my choices.. my mistakes and pains and my alone-ness. No one has had me but my Father in heaven. The only person I thought was a true connection isn’t as I actually think, it was an experience to learn more about me and Love and somehow take it away and never forget it.. let it embed in my soul as a special story to my ownself.

Do I love his being? I think to have shared a heart-beat and then some deep intimate emotions made me love him for I somehow died to be one in his presence.. not only his presence.. as I think but his soul was felt in the process.. why wouldn’t I love someone who ..shared me with them. Do I continue to feel this way after seeing and experiencing hidden secrets of the soul.. To walk away is the best thing – for it would only turn me crazy to face it all as it is and know that my deep feelings are exposed and it will no longer be me upholding me – for I have experienced another hold with me.

Loyalty to The Father and to me is what matters in this world.. Unseen and Seeing. I don’t know what the future holds, this all has been an Unseen Love.. beginning with me and then my experiences – my challenges – my interactions – my relationships – my all.

Look into the eyes of Life, and tell me it will be alright.. I look at me and say

“It’s always alright, for we ride it out to die – only to live again”

LOVE.. TO LOVE IS TO DIE IN OUR BEING TO STAY, ONE IN THE ESSENCE TOGETHER ALWAYS.

LEARNING OMNI VALUES ETERNALLY. IN THIS WORLD AND THE WORLD TO FOLLOW ON.

Spiritual beings, eternal souls with fire in our hearts burning for the throne unseen.

  • The mysteries of Love xox

 

 

C’est La Vie

C’est La Vie

It is Life, It is Life.

Everything spoken, it is Life.

Never taken, it is Life. . Passing on. . It is Life.

Always added into. . . it is Life.

Eternal – it is Life.

C’est La Vie, C’est La Vie

God, C’est La Vie – Our Life.

Inner Conversations…

I think I explained it, I explained it enough.

These are not only feelings, it’s me. My very core being, you see.. it’s somehow drawn to him in a very natural but ethereal way. I’m like paper being blown by the wind and he’s somehow like a tree waiting to capture the paper in it’s leaves.

    This is not obsession its something in me that needs him, it doesn’t want.. and it isn’t in lack it just know’s he is what I CRAVE just to stare at him and hold him and then maybe run?

  To run would be strange, but yet again I understand how I feel about him would make me want to run.. to feel him and then run, this is something I know is completely from a different place.. I don’t really want to have to write this but I have to because my feelings matter, to me and to this secret bubble of enlightment. . . this embarkened journey of mystery where love has succombed me and somehow enrolled me in it’s path and it’s way that I could never have imagined. I’m here, I’ve landed and him.. well he is everything. He’s just everything but I can’t explain what I mean.. I’m so shaken by him, in a way where his being is my conversation – you know?

    My songs are inspired by my feel for him, but even this feel – how long does it last. Its a ribbon,  a beautiful bow – purple and yellow. . . inter-twined in a secret message. The fire calms down and the heat is present in breaths that are slow and sometimes fast, the darkness doesn’t seem to matter because I know somehow my sight is held by the Supreme Creator of all. Should I care how long it lasts, I dive into something whole-heartedly right?

    I could be crazy though, it could blow me away.. it could be so heated, X rated.. sweating and screams of closed and slammed doors.. running out to nowhere only because it’s so intense – only because it shakes my Spirit. I’ll be back.. I’ll be back I’ll promise myself but maybe I won’t maybe .. it could just drive me to the point of my own abomination to completely deny everything and then there I am.. again.. naked in the garden alone.. because I ran… I had it, tasted it and I was intoxicated by it’s beauty that I had to run.. why? Because she’s just .. she’s just too lethal and alone in her own essence – even though she appears calm and cool – it’s that calm that creates these perculiar ways.

    I don’t want to run though because I understand it’s him. Love is without pretence in which I comprehend you admire your truth of feelings but you never run, you stay put because it’s power is true.. so you must trust it.

   This is common no, it is.. she always desires to run, or she desires to not be held down.. or she just isn’t with men.

    I.. well I see his beauty, I see his treasure but in seeing this brings much chaos in me.. for It is too much to bare. The exposure of who I really be, it doesn’t come in much talking straight away.. neither is it all as it seems. Hence why the exposure is deep.. there is no hiding.. this is Vulnerability X rated.. madness known..

  Its a mixed emotion, to remain unseen but he’s like a cream that you can’t help but lick and the more it appears the more you are intrigued and the more you are intrigued.. well you are intoxicated by your own passion aren’t you?

Passion is decietful at times.. it’s harsh too … it’s not always sweet… it can at times be very powerful.. but it doesn’t make you fear.. only because its plainly evident that it doesn’t want to hurt you.

   Maybe because it’s celestial, the places in me.. I don’t want to over-indulge me.. maybe i’m reduced to silence again..

And then the wondering eyes looks around helplessly, holding conversations with it’s own inner self.

The mysteries of Love.