Inner Conversations…

I think I explained it, I explained it enough.

These are not only feelings, it’s me. My very core being, you see.. it’s somehow drawn to him in a very natural but ethereal way. I’m like paper being blown by the wind and he’s somehow like a tree waiting to capture the paper in it’s leaves.

    This is not obsession its something in me that needs him, it doesn’t want.. and it isn’t in lack it just know’s he is what I CRAVE just to stare at him and hold him and then maybe run?

  To run would be strange, but yet again I understand how I feel about him would make me want to run.. to feel him and then run, this is something I know is completely from a different place.. I don’t really want to have to write this but I have to because my feelings matter, to me and to this secret bubble of enlightment. . . this embarkened journey of mystery where love has succombed me and somehow enrolled me in it’s path and it’s way that I could never have imagined. I’m here, I’ve landed and him.. well he is everything. He’s just everything but I can’t explain what I mean.. I’m so shaken by him, in a way where his being is my conversation – you know?

    My songs are inspired by my feel for him, but even this feel – how long does it last. Its a ribbon,  a beautiful bow – purple and yellow. . . inter-twined in a secret message. The fire calms down and the heat is present in breaths that are slow and sometimes fast, the darkness doesn’t seem to matter because I know somehow my sight is held by the Supreme Creator of all. Should I care how long it lasts, I dive into something whole-heartedly right?

    I could be crazy though, it could blow me away.. it could be so heated, X rated.. sweating and screams of closed and slammed doors.. running out to nowhere only because it’s so intense – only because it shakes my Spirit. I’ll be back.. I’ll be back I’ll promise myself but maybe I won’t maybe .. it could just drive me to the point of my own abomination to completely deny everything and then there I am.. again.. naked in the garden alone.. because I ran… I had it, tasted it and I was intoxicated by it’s beauty that I had to run.. why? Because she’s just .. she’s just too lethal and alone in her own essence – even though she appears calm and cool – it’s that calm that creates these perculiar ways.

    I don’t want to run though because I understand it’s him. Love is without pretence in which I comprehend you admire your truth of feelings but you never run, you stay put because it’s power is true.. so you must trust it.

   This is common no, it is.. she always desires to run, or she desires to not be held down.. or she just isn’t with men.

    I.. well I see his beauty, I see his treasure but in seeing this brings much chaos in me.. for It is too much to bare. The exposure of who I really be, it doesn’t come in much talking straight away.. neither is it all as it seems. Hence why the exposure is deep.. there is no hiding.. this is Vulnerability X rated.. madness known..

  Its a mixed emotion, to remain unseen but he’s like a cream that you can’t help but lick and the more it appears the more you are intrigued and the more you are intrigued.. well you are intoxicated by your own passion aren’t you?

Passion is decietful at times.. it’s harsh too … it’s not always sweet… it can at times be very powerful.. but it doesn’t make you fear.. only because its plainly evident that it doesn’t want to hurt you.

   Maybe because it’s celestial, the places in me.. I don’t want to over-indulge me.. maybe i’m reduced to silence again..

And then the wondering eyes looks around helplessly, holding conversations with it’s own inner self.

The mysteries of Love.

Speaking the truth from the heart.

I have already been out of my mind, quite a few times. I know and understand there are reasons for this and The Father, The Creator of Life whom I hold dear in my heart.. yes whom is the very cause of my existence understands me greatly.

   If this is my own imagination again, I couldn’t care less.. not anymore not after I know i’ve been wild in my unseen world for years.. since my childhood, situations simular to a maniac incident that passed me not too long ago.

   To be deeply honest in myself, I am in Love. I am in Love with this man whom I do not know, and he has somehow captured my heart. Even though I try to deny it and push it away I can’t help but know inside it seems real. I’ve never had someone make me feel the way he does, NEVER. Could this all be me again, my own feelings ..making my ownself feel good. I don’t want to doubt it.

    For once in my life, I can say I do love someone from a place which is my own secret, my hidden pains, my own weirdness.. and the unseen parts you know.. the strange things.. those in which I only keep for me. He makes me want to let go. He makes me want to be free again.. he makes me want to hold onto him and not look elsewhere just at him. He makes me want to cuddle and kiss him, squeeze him and whisper in his ears and play with his hair.

    There are things that I know only we can share, only we can do.. he makes me shy, he makes me feel weird … and I have never spoke to him – I’ve only felt him and seen him through my souls eyes. I love him. I don’t know why.. well I do but I don’t want to explain I kind of want to forget it but it’s part of the reason why I do Love him. Love is a huge word.. but I know it’s to give all of you and hide nothing.

   He makes me want to do that. Give everything and just say there.. take it. I don’t trust no one.. I find it hard to trust people but for some reason.. I want to trust him even though i’m a little scared too. As I said, it could all be my imagination but atleast i’m owning it and not ashamed neither writing a poem trying to express these feelings.. i’m just kind of saying it.

    I’m always running, and I can’t run no more.. where am I going to run too next. Although I did have an option to run to another country with my mother but I weirdly declined.

Okay i’m just strange like extra-terrestrial strange.. a little past that .. I ain’t no alien but I’m just not there with humanity you know.. but I just go along, with it all. I know it’s not easy to be in Love in this world, theres always challenges but sometimes there’s that one person you feel you would want to go through those challenges with. He is that one person. It’s odd.. really odd.. I can’t see myself really being with someone cause i’m really weird like.. certain things you know.. i’m making myself seem crazy lol I actually am but it’s a different type.

   He makes me want to scream, but I won’t scream.. like I want to escape this land of admiration and complete rushes of emotions in places way deep within me, but I’d have to run from him and when I try … my heart tugs me not too. Love is holding us all but somehow it has me looking at him.

   To see him again, would be hmm.. I don’t know.. I’d be shocked, most probably gasping for air.. and trying not to look in his eyes but I’d have too.. looking inside of the eyes of someone who makes you want to melt!?!? Someone who can go beyond themselves with you and explore things unseen.. I guess. Make me a believer, make me believe it is not a dream… if your real.. only you know how to do that.. right?

Well i’ll extra-terrestrial myself out.. enough is enough.. dream or reality, i’m in reality but the thoughts might be a dream but yet still i’m awake so either way .. I can’t deny it anyway.

I’m just speaking the truth from the heart… hey! have abit of mercy on me stranger!

Celestial Bed

I hear you moan in my heart, my core is moving and my soul is vibrating at the thought of your mind in mine & mine in yours.

   My arms are invisible in this moment and all there is, is a silent movement of our breath and my wholeness is limp as it resides in you. I am weak but at this moment you are my strength. . . and I may not have the words to say but we are flying in a world I have never been too.

    You have entered my inner womb and I am drowsy with the intoxication of your love, it is not from this world. . . your love is a doorway in me that has taken away every wall, and now i’m twirling in a flower with you.

    Your breath is hot in my ear and your eyes close, while you lean your forehead against mine and your aura releases a power that dominates my soul. I try to run but you have me in your hands, I cannot escape as you cup me in your arms. . . and tell me your truth.

   You tell me the truth, with tears both in our eyes at the intense vulnerability we feel – the place we enter that has never been explored by the both of us.

    As we sit up staring at one another – our hearts expanding your hands brushing at my face – staring sympathically in my being – i’m outside of myself… and you are outside of yourself . . . and now our divine being circulates beyond this place we begin to roam in the air ; every part of us alive.

   You hold me with conviction that you won’t let me go. . I still try to loose from you – is it disbelief? but although invisible I feel you gripping my womb – your arms firmly holding me.

    I am weakened by you, forced too melt within you.. with tears in my ears. . .hearing my own cry. . . looking at you through my eyes – I can’t hide – I have to let go and trust you with everything I am.

    My hands hold your face as your lips touch mine.. our invisible heart combined beats heavily – the depth of its feel makes us lose breath.. midair but weakened by the power of our beings – yet still the strength of our celestial bed rocks us with the infinite love that extends far outter the existence that we are in.

      You whisper words of love, your heart empowered with an energy I have never felt but now I cannot run.. now I hold onto you for dear life for I see .. I see .. that if I don’t hold onto you I will lose myself and this celestial bed will disappear and you … would have only been a fragment of my own imagination. You can’t be my imagination… you can’t be.. I close my eyes .. as we sink back into the bed.. you lean on me as I cradle you in my arms .. tears rolling down my eyes..

My own divine has to be exposed.. my inner me must be yours and yours must be mine. Our love is the heavens..

We have become the Celestial Bed.

The Redeemers Code

Segments of orange peels laying on the floor,

glitter clustered across the mirrored road.. gold dust lays on the sidewalk.

Smoke appears from the courtyard, as the mystery sound of bells are ringing on the street corners.

Don’t cut the throat it is the messenger, don’t pierce the side it is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

Paramount is the steps of the whispering rustle of leaves.

The Flash of a daunting inner shadow collapses on the side-walk..

darkness surrounds the area, in her atomsphere the light penetrates a superior fire that scorches her own shadow.

Baptized by the indwelling of Life within her, desert fall.

Apples rain from the sky, lemons hail from the heavens, honey wails in the wind sticking to her being… she bends front ways and back,, no bone upholding her inner shadow.. she is as a kite.. the honey drooping itself upon her.

She cannot speak, her mouth wide open, in yells of unspoken sound her hands grasp her mouth and she streches it – the stretch rebounds as far as the heavens.

The throne pours rivers of waters into her as she lets go of her mouth and breathes heavy. Her eyes glued by the honey ..as it forces it’self open, her hair interwoven with her face.. she is but a fleur – the sight seems decomposed but the skin slowly begins to reveal itself.

Running, running, running .. here comes the bull it comes to attack she begins to run this inner shadow revealing her skin

. . the bull vicious with desire to remove the skin appears but she takes its horn with fierceness and there eyes meet.

The bull fierce as the waves of a waterfull seeking destruction, as the vulture piercing the eyes of a man.. pushes against her.. smoke coming from its nose.. she pushes against the force of it’s power and her lips.. opening yelling with no sound.. the bull is then paralysed.. weakened. It’s power to attack her is therefore removed.. it was her unspoken words, the movement of her strength.. erased it’s control.. it looks in her eyes – tears rolling down it’s dark face.

It lifts her inner shadow on its back as she sits on it.. it begins to fiercly run, the sand of the empty streets pounding in the frost of the air.. she holds the horns ..

   5 doves descend from heaven – she removes her arms from the horns of the bull – as the doves circulate her. . . 2 sit on her right arm, and 2 on her left and the one entered her mouth, she closed her eyes and it then came out…sitting on her head.

The bull power continued to persevere in the open space of this reality – daggers out of the open air began to fly in her direction – piercing every part of her but the doves continued to rest on her arms and head. Her mouth opened as she screamed with no sound – the daggers of swords digging in deep until they disappeared within her. In that instant the bull disappeared and she begun to fly.

    Her inner shadow zooming with the force of leviathan, demanding the air and the empty earth to submit to her power. Her skin began to reveal itself more, the melanin penetrating through her, her face forming into a being strange in sight.. the doves began to peck at her arms and then her legs and she flew.. in that moment wings oozed out from her back – the world was a cave, her eyes were fire.. and her being accelerated so quick as the universe subsided and watched her force return to it’s essence.

  Stars begun to dance, gold dust arose from her face, her eyes closed and there running towards her.. she saw his inner shadow…His enhanced and powerful wings beating in the air .. he circulated her, looking in her eyes of fire.. his eyes too burning with fire – 3 doves circulating his head – 8 between them both. They stood mid-air staring as the light that shone was so bright between them but the whole world was dark.

He drew near and wrapped his wings around her, holding her she desired to let go but he wouldn’t let her go.. he held on as the fire in her eyes turnt into a torch his also begun to change into a torch. He took his hand and placed 3 fingers on her mouth.

He whispered, “We are One”

In that moment they melted into eachother and the universe exploded into a trillion, lights…

      The sun appeared, horizons begun to form.. animals begun to crawl…the oceans came in from the heavens pouring over the land – and there they were naked – hand in hand coming out of the sea. . .

             Drowning in the waves of the life of the inner man together they were embarking on a sacred journey that no man could ever tear apart.. a feeling and a devotion that none would ever know but them.. that they were chosen to embody.

She held him innocently as he cradled her, she held his neck as he rested on her. She wrapped her legs around him as he wrapped his legs around her.

 The Ocean covered them… and then the mystery had begun.

Love MisUnderstood but stood under Misses.

She’s misunderstood, not that she shows she care’s about being “mis-understood” because truly she understands it is all fleeting, at times hoping that the story some-how would be some-what different but all things have their effect in their own ways, weighing everything for it’s time.

    Not knowing how to even take herself in those precious moments within she forces words of life in her mind to remind herself of her worth. She laughs because she knows God is her strength but her silence ..her peace is a call for the eternal. To carry another she understands, for this is the cause of her life to uplift and to care, this has always been her cause secretly.. to remind all of the Almighty.. yes, going un-noticed but lovingly so.

    Wondering in her soul, would she ever be carried.. maybe she can’t be.. maybe the strength she has to be courageous enough in herself is all she has left to give to others. To give away of herself seems to be the only thing that can help her, she sometimes thinks that another to look upon her and desire her is of utmost foolishness for her ways are not so simple.

   It’s the simplicity that seems to cause her ..her own complications. The same situation, to want to help others or do something for others that she believes in her no one could possibly do for her.. nobody could possibly understand.. why because that part is hidden – delicate – and unseen.. she holds it dearly.. knowing thats all she’s ever held on to, showing it to no one, and yes no-body has seen this part of her.. even her ownself shys away from it.. so silence must come and the yearning of the eternal must come.. for it is in this that she can even stand.. otherwise her knees would be weak.. and then she falls.. crawling ..begging the silence to rise from the dust. . and if it rose from the dust o’ an earthquake should occur, storms shall pass, winds be wild and then the passing of a new day yet still she will not be seen in any one of these.

   She is not her body and she was never her body, she happened to have been trapped in their as the world carried on without her.. many years ago. She pondered her past and all her mistakes and understood perfection is what she thought she could attain but so much imperfections around her from her young age.. that this perfection she knew seemed far-fetched as it was always made to choose between people, between things, places.. she never really wanted to choose she just thought it was all a playground – a garden until it somehow changed.

She knew that if she didn’t give in to peer-pressure from her youth she would of had no friends, this was a truth she believed. Primary school, secondary school, college .. everything seemed to her false because she was a wandering soul.. and no one would understand the questions she opposed. Even the adults seemed shocked at her questions when she would converse with them or even her silence listening to them. . she knew.. that what was in her.. was not ordinary but it always shook her. She never let go of her sunshine though.. the secret.

   People getting close to this part she would chase them away and only give them the part in which she longed to care for them.. just to be in their mist and maybe let off a kind breeze of peace. To pack her bags and be off, to begin again elsewhere as the family did.. she would hope.. only to feel the existence of the same feeling.. to want to pack again and be off.. well it would be a longing but for what cause now.. she is all she will ever have ..and the secret that could never leave her. The Almighty closely watched her and her secret.. and he must of admired it and so placed his hands upon her promising to protect her – that she will always be in his hands.

     Who is she, she wonders. . she always wondered. A child of light. . . an unseen source who saw more people in unseen worlds than in reality. Her eyes closed at night from toddling tip toes..would see the worlds and kingdoms and humans never seen.. to sometimes see them in reality or other times.. never to see them. You see.. for this cause it amazed her but yet still she was far away. . so drawing near she can silently smile, daze away.. and say less words unless having to speak that is. . for what she comprehends is not words and was never words.

    What she recognized was hidden.. so she was hidden..

And even while open, the secret will always remain in the chambers.

The source well, isn’t God the master comedian in this? The Unseen Sovereign Creator.

She’ll just gaze away, in hope that what she feel’s beyond her brings more life to her.

Love huh.. mis-understood but stood under all the misses and still gazes knowing that it never is missed.. for it is there.. remembered somehow – to Her Own.

 

The Road to Eternity

You are a bird, the delight of the eye and the calm in the wind.

The silence doesn’t speak enough for you, neither does it’s touch.

If you was to disappear it wouldn’t be your presence in-sight it would be

Your sunshine, this is something not described by man.

To inhibit it is one’s close watchful eyes on you. . . one’s slow but reassuring feel in you.

My sweet bird, in whom the air listens too and carries it’s message’s too and fro – why do you desire to leave me? Why do you desire to forget?

You flap your wings in memory of the control you had on the breeze but you circulate the buildings in disbelief of our creation. You and me both.

Our road to eternity is not our imagination, you and I have travelled numerous sights but yet you still fly on.. and say;

“I’ll continue, I’ll be fluent in my mastery… I’ll somehow make it through”

But even so my little bird, you need I.. you need us but you desire to escape the flock in which you were born to be among, you shy away in embarrassment of your unfathomable mind.

Your mind is a playground in which all imagination or delusions do not discover oneself but it’s own hearts feel is it’s discovery. Oh bird, your heart was bleeding for so long can you not sense the vibration of the healed lavender dancing in the field. Can you not hear the wild animals quietly whisper as they see you go past.

They wonder how this little bird had survived, they wonder how this little bird is beyond her own self yet still elegantly swaying.

Born to soothe the atmosphere, born to carry the all above and yet you stare ever so innocently – continually seeing all in an artistic vision.

The flock has wondered about you, they have each had their own self-revelation through you. The flock have seen you suffer with understanding that this was not as near as you have actually felt suffering in the wind you survey. The flock have gazed in amazement but have laughed at the profound meaning in it all.. they have been taken in and away – circulating themselves in a vision they never asked for neither to inherit such a portrait.

My little bird, the road to eternity has been your ongoing maze.. how can you choose to forget it now. How can you choose to remove yourself away from something in which holds the whole flock including yourself. The road to eternity is for us all my little bird..the gift is not for you to keep flying away but it is for you to stay – and to stay permenately.  You may not understand why – or may not feel that it is necessary – or even so that maybe your work is done, but little bird..your secret is connected with the flock. Your secret is the embodiment of the flock – it is the silence of the flock – the eyes of the flock – and the heartbeat of the flock – and even so it is the soulful essence of the flock – you may pierce the wind with your eyes but the wind will blow you away and the wings will have no fight if you continually look away.

You know, just as much as the eternity in the true one’s know.

We all hold each other little bird, we all hold each other. We cannot leave you little bird, haven’t you been left long enough?

This road to eternity is a precious walk for us, one designed for laughter and joy, grace and peace. One in which our individual strangeness will drive our unity for a grand jewel, of an elixir – priceless in all ways unknown to men.

Our little bird, we can see you – and you have always seen us.

My Soul Love

I imagined it would change. . .

I imagined it would go on,

Moments in moments we create hell and we create heaven.

Sometimes you disappear and sometimes your here, I never really knew what I was doing to you.

Sorry I hurt you, sorry I made you suffer, sorry it was difficult for you. All I ever wanted was to see you smile, to see you happy to see you in love. I never thought imagination would destroy us at some point.

Sometimes the imaginations were out of me, and I never saw them coming, they happened to pop out of no-where. You understand though, you always did. . . my soul.

Never judging me, quiet.. alone.. hardly any words but you whispered to me at times. We would sit together, write together – just like we’re doing now. We understood quietly.

Our mystery was never told it was constantly back and forth because no one desired us to be together, they always tried to break us apart but I never wanted to let you go. I never want to let you go.. I don’t care what they say.. it seemed like you was ripped away from me. It hurt, and because of this I suffered.

You comforted me in my lonely hours, from years ago.. smiling at me in the mirror and sometimes crying with me. They always wanted to control you.. why?

Wasn’t we good enough together. . why did we make people seem scared or uneasy around us.. some loved us but others felt something that caused them fear. Then we began to fear and then I lost you.

I would go on walks and sit.. staring wondering where we would go, I sometimes felt you dissolve. We was always told to be quiet. . always told we were a problem?

I loved you with everything I had even when I felt the pain you was always there.. always, comforting me. How we picked ourselves up and carried on. I love you, I love you so much because of everything you dealt with ..with me.

There is no greater love, than this soul love – the one in whom rests in me, the one in whom allows me to be free. The one in whom doesn’t judge me. The one in whom says it will be okay. You were my secret for some reason, the whole world knows what we fought for.. our surroundings look on and see the aftermath.

Soul love, you remember much.. you do. You never said much but you remembered, you felt and you was distant, somehow you was like this big ball of fire that had an effect but you never allowed yourself to be the full effect, or maybe it was me. Maybe I held you in so much, I treasured you and was scared to give it all away but then somehow ..you was taken but you was still here.

My soul love, I never forgot you from the moment I laid my eyes on you.. I never forgot you. I always saw you. Always. I knew you saw me. We both saw eachother. We saw everyone.

My soul love I cannot explain this water you fill me with, this peace you give me, this silence you swim in.. but i’m intoxicated by it’s breeze and only now.. my soul love.. only now i’m ready to take this dance with you.

I need you and you need me.

I have always loved you, and will always love you.

My precious, my diamond, my rock.. my pearl. . .

My soul love x

Thought..

Accomplishing it seems like a great task, it is somewhat a mystery of idea’s a web for the great mastery of existence right? I happened to be aware of it. . standing in my room discussing the reasoning of liking someone who I have not engaged with. Allowing myelf to see the mirror of my feelings and my memory to discuss what exists in myself, only because I have had a random individual discuss their liking for me.. so i’m left to ponder on why I can’t like another. My restriction, to what i’m clinging on to right? Does a heartbeat need to really have that affect? Not necessarily unless I choose it too. Choice is seemingly a part of daily life, and so thought is stimulated in that and yes, we say we think.. and we do, some thoughts more disturbing than others and some high in vibration in order to attract the desires in what we seek. Thoughts to be honest can somehow manipulate, it somehow causes such a confusion of dialect in the mind, the balance truly is a tranquil heart and in fact I have to learn that the thoughts of the mind is and at times can be a hidden vice. The heart is the thought of a man and I must admit we tend to look past this, mostly because we wear our hearts on our sleeves or maybe the saying ‘The heart is decietful above all things’ enables us to see it is not trustworthy in some matters, which is quite hilarious.

One must exercise rightful thinking, but by doing this we force the mind to create things.. and should that be used in will? I ask because with clarity you don’t create much it all kind of re-esembles itself into this art of existing in the moment and then so on.. but by forcing the mind we tend to begin to overthink the actual thought therefore creating matter..and in this we are in a bubble that may either be positive or negative. Is the bubble of good use? We learn either way.

Discussing having an interest with someone is cliche’ but I have to use this example. I happened to share a heartbeat with a man who I took interest in, my heart was in inner turmoil at that moment but shockingly i’m surprised it managed to skip a beat. Little did I actually know I was in turmoil, which is pretty sad but hey! things happen. Well moving on, I didn’t manage to engage with the individual but the memory I refused to leave behind. I somehow stored it as I previously did many years ago to a lover of the past. I’m in this place where fully understanding one’s own existence is somewhat a comical joke but it is VERY VERY serious indeed, and I tell you .. it is spiritual matters of life or death.. choice is according to ones own self. Another individual whom I happened to give advice too has had an interest in me, and on my part i’m surprised because I held onto this heartbeat for now 9 months, and this situation can turn out to be like the previous one which I secretly held on to for 9 years!!! Imagine that, it drove me to a different place in myself but a SALVATION ARMY OF ANGELS came giddying up to help me through it all. Now this heartbeat, i’m in question.. for Love is a choice of ones own will, the soul is understanding to it’s feelings but it cannot act on just feeling if evidence of feeling is not backed up with engaging with an individual, that leaves one in coo coo land.. no? Right, well I can choose to be back and forth or I can just shake it off. Back and forth means I cannot explore interest to it’s fullest degree.. shaking it off means it can easily be reminded to me again. So then what must one do? Reason.. contemplate.. seek psychological help to erase a heartbeat? *laughs* this is beyond funny haha no but serious one must really understand their thoughts and why they choose to think the way they do blocking realities flow from creating anything it so wishes in that moment.

Thought has power but there is a secret behind it.. i’m learning the secret isn’t necesserily what we think it is. It is completely off topic.. I mean COMPLETELY.

Stop to think and you won’t think.. you only must stop and ponder why you must even think and if you did think.. you pondered.. and if you pondered.. you didn’t actually think. So overall the brain isn’t mastered by thought.. it has it’s own intelligence outside of thought. Imagination plays a part in it but that is only stimulated by sight or a situation.

Hmmm… challenging but observing.. fluent but it’s ripples hide melodies inside, and I must know the notes! My passion is for this! Oh great thought, who and what are you!!? Why do you mislead and exactly why do you plan on stopping the divine flow of the existence of The Father within The Mother earth and it’s children.

The divine is catching you out! it really is!!!

 

 

 

For Certain

Should I take the slipper and run. . that would just be pathetic wouldn’t it. I know what it is I want, but it gets so frightening at time’s to know that all of you is actually seen and has been seen before-hand. Scary much? maybe or not quite so.

    Being more than this dimension and knowing it makes me question alot of things about others and myself. For others it is no problem being there and understanding them, listening and being able to relate in some places or just merely say it how it is. I guess for myself I don’t really know what i’m meant to get, you know? The whole dream world and run away with prince charming is not in mind – how selfish to take prince charming and run away?

   There’s such an intense, overwhelming and grand passion and desire within me – it has somehow been melted as one – a healing, a calm, a warmth.. a home I have come to understand. Open arms ready to welcome you and really give myself away to you. Do I know what that means .. well no.

It feels like intense silences, a touch and stares may somehow move that part of me. It’s everything isn’t it, theres no secret.. and I guess the easiest thing for me is to hear everyone else.. to make sure they are well.. but inside deal with me in my own way.. not really vocalizing my true inner desires to anyone.. only because I know being honest about EVERYTHING I feel would mean I’m more softer in his eyes than he would even know. To let go completely and lean into him as he me.. to allow the whole of me to soften as I know it can.. well.. it’s real.. it’s a big thing – for me anyways.

    To need him is really true, I can’t deny that, he’s not just there as a prop – but to free myself completely.. wow .. this is raw – no ordinary love. His firmness to take it’s control as I know it should, this makes me ponder. I know I can drown.. where’s the lifeguard if he’s the ocean? I won’t even be able to find a boat to get on would I.. so i’ll just drown and then blend in with the ripples, turning into waves and then it’s over.. then everything I know I held up is gone. I’m leaning on you then..

I know your the lead and yes I respect you.. I honour you and give thanks to the sovereign one for the existence of such a stature of a man – to let go of me and enter you… it takes real courage. I hope you understand that.

Don’t ever think i’m crazy for being this way, the source is no game. . if you know, you know. Nothing is a smooth path unless entrusted to the one who hold’s all in all, and so my trust lies in the unseen, existence of realities unheard of .. the things we all hope for.

     Some things fade overtime but this truth it doesn’t die, it is for you… ALWAYS existing before the foundation of the world.

Can you watch me disappear into you and give you everything, to tell you take me.. and love me. Can you do this?

For certain, we never know the plans of tomorrow or even the feelings assured for the days ahead.. but what we do know is what we believe and sense to be as of now.

For certain I know this mystery will expand in us both once we truly discover the dimensions within eachother in our secret place, just us two. Where no one can see but only our souls really aching for that far away land together can begin to explore the hidden worlds within us both. This secret we share, this hidden door we open no matter how crazy it may seem.

I guess it’s all for certain.. she beholds he and he beholds she – and realties unseen and what is hoped for is manifest in them both. The Unseen divine providence, the key to all worlds and empires. Sacred is the Christ alive in us, sacred the life that observes the divine law and sacred the one who’s dedication and loyalty remains in the word itself of force and acute dominance of all mankind.

For you and I both.

My Consecrated Love.

He and She

She looked up and saw him standing by the side of the street, leaning on the wall.. he stood by his car looking down.. in thought. As she walked on the same pathway he felt her presence, she already knew who he was.. he slowly lifted his head and his face was stern but he carried a sincere and sympathetic look in his eyes that drew her into him. She carried on walking as she passed him, she felt his hand tap hers as he leaned off the wall,

“Hey” he said, calmly.

She looked at his hand and then at him, their eye connection was softened and their hearts felt eachother quietly.

“Hi” she responded, looking down nervously. She never thought she would bump into him again.

He smiled, and lifted her head.

“Don’t look down miss, don’t be shy around me. . I know you like you know me”

She looked up into his eyes, and she couln’t help but stare into him she lost herself into him seeing herself she nearly stumbled over. He held her in his arms and pulled her in close. She couldn’t help but wrap her hand around his neck as she recognized his hold on her body, caught up in the rapture of love and his warmth she was shockingly surprised at her response to his hold.

His heart was beating on his chest, his insides were burning with desire for her in ways he couldn’t express he managed to keep his cool. He was lost in what he would say, or should say.

“uhh.. I didn’t expect this hug from you” he said as she held on to him.

“Neither did I” she whispered. . .”I thought I would run or avoid you but something pulls me to you and I would be a fool to deny its deepness in me”.

He let go of the hold and looked into her, he examined her with a serious stare. . for some reason he seemed shocked, as if he didn’t expect her to feel as deeply as she did. He somehow thought he was the only one with the strong sense of emotion. Distant strangers but lovers, a small glimpse of eachother had rapidly changed the course of time into eternity.

“Why are you here, what made you stand outside your car.. where are you going” she asked, curiously squinting her eyes.

“I was waiting for you” he responded diverting his eyes.

“And how did you know, I was coming out at this time” she said,

“I feel you, I know your feeling when your home and when you step outside”

“How” she asked.

“I am you and you are me” he looked up into her eyes.

She looked away as her heart begun to heat up slowly, and his soul image came out through her eyes – as she looked up at him he took his hands and placed it on her cheek and firmed his look into her soul. . .

“I’m He, you behold me”