The One (Part II)

Despite the longing for love, she can’t really fall for it can she?

She will show you she cares, only to hide away. She will show you who she is, only to escape.

She’s not really escaping is she.

She’s tried, but Love although free, has somehow..

restricted her. She wasn’t born to growl, neither to bark, or to roar without a valid reason.

The knowledge of love burned her soul, ripped her into pieces – year after year.. her young soul growing and questioning the evolution of this ecstatic dance.

The worst happened, she still danced. Lonliness and she still danced.. wars took place and she danced – Oh how Love appeared not to be fair. Why wasn’t she allowed to fall, she had to stand through it all, even as her own enemy. When it seemed like she fell it wasn’t a fall, it was a trip that she understood.

Trips leave bruises. She may have tried to cover them but in trying to cover them she found pleasure in feeling their pain. Dabbing at the wound, laughing at how it hurt. .She found it amusing, even after the tears. So was she mad, no matter how sweet she may have been – even when she lied to her ownself.

O’ Sweet one, where are you running to?

O’ Fiery light of the existing one’s where are you going?

It is here you found yourself to be, where else can you flee to?

She didn’t need to be good enough, although she questioned how good she was. How good could she be, trying to balance her scales. Can she blame it on being a Libra.. the old wives tale. Seeking to balance her whole being each cell begging to be liberated and challenged to reach its ultimate balance and calm. There were times she wanted to bark – times she wanted to growl – times alone when she would whimper and other times there were no noise but SILENCE.

Does Love really capture us or the moment?

Way past the horizon where soul meets soul..

Does love really reside between the between.

I guess its a reflection of Spirit.

She could be helpless in this source, completely light as a flower, or a vicious weapon, lethal and untamed on the leash devouring all in her way?

Would she ever understand this source in her.

Oh how I’d love to be loved” and so she imagines.

*laughs*

A courageous thought, that is. . . for to her it is not simple, her roar larger than herself. She is meant to love, to bow, to free her being and let loose all she is to whom? Maybe she just falls for the wrong one. The one who sees the weapon and manipulates it, is that what she deserves after all, didn’t she take the lead before he was supposed too. She is at fault, she deserves to be mad for love.. gagging desperately .. ferocious in the hallucinations – completely gone with the wind or maybe not quite so?

She’s built for silence, she’s built for simplicity. Shes built for smiles here and there. She rather hide her face than truly be seen, but if ever seen she must be gracious. She prefers the unseen though for in that world she see’s – Light that is, in that light darkness must be exposed.

The ladder of divine ascent.. she continues the mystery.

I guess the wrong one drives you mad, makes you see the insanity of their ownselves in you. . or you in them. We somehow want to figure it out, we all want to figure it out.. but she.. she.. believes its existence is somewhat a tool, a mere strategy, to glide in the omniscient existing source. . and yes she recognizes it can backfire onto her – This tool, this strategy we name Love can succumb her, to where ever her heart is set in that moment.

The heart is decietful above all things, yes – this she knows.

She has always been aware of it, but the heart has been too large to control, it somehow controlled her, until Spirit intervened yet still, the heart continued to overpower her soul – Oh how madness had to teach her, the game. . . the game she hated to play but stupidly found herself being cradled by it.

Never fully giving in but desiring to only walk away and disappear.

Unsatisfied by other ones uncertain natures. She would ponder, listen to them, at times fearful of their force. One must tap into the growl, it was impossible for her to growl on her own – she would ponder the growl, sit with the bark in her mind – but it just would’nt come out.

She somehow had to let the bark go, in order to return. The cycle consists of past, present and future. Is that why she is number 12 – simplify it, she is 3.

Maybe the wrong one had to come and intervene to show her, survival of Love doesn’t always come treading carefully. Sometimes you tread carefully and lose your sanity trying to understand things beyond your control, and in this .. yes, you become a victim to your misconceptions of realism. We then invent our own paths which then stem away from a reality we all participate in, one we all must find ourselves in – What are we though lights or darkness? We then, attack ourselves in everyway possible and we dig and dig, and dig and dig… yes and dig .. digging endlessly to therefore be controlled, therefore be used, and therefore become a slave. A slave to our misery because of our lack of knowledge, of ourselves, our being, our nature and in this does Love remain or have we fallen for definate this time?

Her nature was known to her but in the part that was yet still to learn, this was where the burn would take place.

Why must she learn?

Her essence knows the reality of this already.

It must do it again.

A hidden secret carried only waiting to be empowered by something greater than herself.

How can she ever percieve Love if she doesn’t trip, then fall and then rise to see all but rest hidden.

O’ how she’d love to be loved, but maybe that so ..would never be enough – would it?

It’s a relived beginning, a complete movie of human affairs, illustrated by sick participants, in need of a cure. Fairytales with beautiful endings but still a wonderful view from afar. Up close it’s some-what convincing to an extent but even so – it must be misunderstood so one can fully understand.

So what must she do, give all of her, if she longs for what is far out of reach in this planet, she must give all of her.. ALL OF HER. Come on, we all know. This is not something new, but if we are to form realities unseen, this is a remarkble taste, she must obey.

She understands this.

She understands this very well.

She cannot rule, unless she gives all of her.

If she desires to not be controlled she must give all, she must obey to the head of the order, so he may allow her to drive the course of action by her focus and intuition. Yes, she ought to be protected, she ought to be looked out for, why?

Can someone with such poise and grace be left alone in this omniscient ladder?

Never.

Its not a mess at all, its a detailed eloquent act of GOD. . revealed in his timing. Can she Love?

She’s always loved. A love that is unexplainable, yet she tries to interpret it. Can it be interpreted?

*She laughs*

Can one see the Unseen God? Is her response.

*She laughs* again..

To be wrong means your right but to stay and play in the wrong means your already dead in the fight. To be right means you have plenty of chances to get it wrong but to stay consistent in knowing what is right means your able to govern the fight.

To be continued..

To be continued. . .

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Solitary Confinement

He looked up, his eyelashes flicking upwards as his brown eyes locked eyes with her. She held a blank face. No expression.

“Are you not going to talk” he replied grimly.

She stared back, no emotion in her face. Somehow she was gone with the wind, in her own world, but she managed to look him in the eye. There eye to eye connection intense.

“What should I say” she murmered back.

“Anything” he replied.

She stared at him. How could she say anything, she managed to get herself caught up in a tangle of webs and ended up accidently being in the wrong place at the wrong time. To meet him, Jovan. He seemed like a calm man but he was secretly dangerous – they ended up in this dark room together only due to witnessing something dramatic take place before their eyes. He was driving and she was on her way to work as she crossed the traffic lights, his car stopped as the red light appeared. She looked into the car mirror and his eyes connected with her’s in a second they time travelled back into many events.. it was all flying by. Both strangers, both individuals who were somehow cruising through their lives with no agenda but to be free.

The flashback brought them to this dark room.

She looked at him thoroughly, she knew him from somewhere but was not quite sure where from. As she stared more deeply into him images flickered in her mind. She saw her with him, but the setting was different.. they were not the same people but they held simular features.

“I know what your seeing” he said looking down, “I knew this would happen in this lifetime”..

“You knew what would happen?” she asked curiously, her brown skin glistening in the dark room as his brown skin reflected back its strength in the darkness.. an inch of light coming from the lamp on the wall. She was intrigued by his facial features, his eyes and lips were in sync with his face, his face held a symetric balance that somehow reflected very clearly into her face. Every detail appeared clear. He looked up at her and blinked.

“I knew you would happen”.

Her small frame leaned on the wall confused, her heart was too tired too shout her way through this madness that had landed them both in solitary confinement. Her eyes were tired, her soul was still, and she felt everything. He stood up and walked straight up to her and stood face to face with her.

“I asked to see you again, I asked to experience what I felt before once again, I knew in this lifetime I would feel it and I knew maybe just maybe if I could summon her to not give up and travel with me to the next world.. she may come back”

The young lady was now amused as she watched his lips tell the tale, she was fascinated by his solid belief in this story he was telling. She couldn’t speak though, she had to listen.

“I loved you in a life before you were you and I was me. I was your one and you were mine. I did you wrong but I loved you more than I loved anyone. They took you from me”

She looked kindly in his eyes,

“And how did they do that?” her mind begun to question what he was talking about. In that instant a picture came up of them both cuddling in bed and then it returned blank again.

“In my past life, we were a couple.. We had an empire, we were taking over the world, our ideas were threatening the system.. we had the world in our hands” he stepped closer to her, and put his hand on her face, tears rolling down his eyes.

“Whats wrong” she said pulling away from his hands as he was resting on her cheek. Whys he looking at me like this, I don’t know him.. why am I here… who is this guy.

“I know it sounds crazy, I know your name is Lizel.. I’m Jovan.. you don’t know me but I’ll tell you the truth.. in our past Life they took you away from me, I took you from me. They killed you, and so did I.. but they wanted you dead for speaking the truth, you was a Lover, a hard Lover.. not the physical but the spiritual. You changed up the game b, your name was Ariel. They tried to shut you down, to stop you from speaking up on the worlds lies, on the corrupt statutes of men. We were married, we had one daughter and two sons. . . you was pregnant with twins”

His eyes were bloodshot, she could see the pain in his eyes. He was all of a sudden in a state of shock and fear. She stepped closer to him and tapped his shoulders 3 times, and then it happened. All of a sudden they were falling into a whirlwind of whitelight.. a mixture of different colors surrounding them.

She opened her eyes.

She saw a large building, a beautiful home..with gigantic gates, golden with Lion statues governing the gate. This house seemed like it was worth millions, there was Ariel. She looked exactly like her.. she was petite, very pretty and quiet but her aura was gracious – God fearing and held a roar which was unexplainable. There was a group of young men, seated at the front of the gates, watching a wide screen TV laughing, and joking..Ariel dressed in a white satin dress, chinese style with beautiful blue slippers, imprinted with diamonds.. her hair wrapped up in one and her face so smooth – her eyes wide she looked tired but seemed in good spirits. I watched her walk up to the guys seated on the chairs, each of them bowed their heads, touched their fists with hers and tapped their hearts. Their were 12 of them, the 12th one stood and looked at her, he cared about her differently, his love was sincere, true and honest.

He knew her heart.  She smiled, tired.. knowing he knew what she was dealing with, knowing how she really felt. He tapped her shoulders once, and then she turned around.. there was Jovan, he was handsome – he looked different – he had long hair tied back with a shape up at the front. His skin glossing, with a handsome face but on his arms were 3 women. Ariel stood with her belly atleast 8 months pregnant – a large ball – hanging from her stomach – the young fellow – the 12th one, grabbed her hand as he felt her heart weaken.

“You okay baby, everything okay baby… we good baby… look at our home baby” Jovan said.. as the girls kissed him giggling looking at Ariel with no remorse. Lizel watched Ariel walk past them, straight into the house, she climbed the grande stairs tears rolling down her eyes – her heart pain was felt among the brothers heavily. They knew Jovan was hurting her but he wasn’t known as Jovan he was known as Akin. Ariels principles of loyalty was too real. She was born a lover, the pressures of the world were coming down on her, after all she was doing for the truth, for the people, all her energy was draining.. Akin was fooling around once again, he was not supporting her.. she was pregnant with twins and her pain was deep. Lizel felt her.  This was the 3rd time Akin was doing his unfaithful deeds.. Lizel found herself in the room with Ariel, she was watching her, although she was worn out there was strength in her eyes. . .She had battled more than this in her life and it was seen in the way she sat upright on her bed, she was crying and begging God to take her but save her babies, she was tired. Lizel watched her crying.. why did she feel Ariels pain so strongly it was cutting through to her Spirit and Soul.. her invisible being was trembled by Ariels cry. Suddenly, Ariel let out a loud shriek, and fell on the floor – blood was leaking out of her violently she was screaming louder and louder, Lizel moved closer panicking. . there was a loud cymbal clashing and both Ariel and Lizel looked up – A bright light flashed and Ariels eyes opened to see Lizel standing infront of her. Lizel took the fluffy pillows on the bed and put Ariels head to rest on the pillow.. she covered her with a blanket and rolled up her dress – shockingingly there was a babies head sticking out.

“PUSH” Lizel beckoned.

“Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Ariel cried, she pushed with all she had, her body was weak and tired but she pushed. Blood was leaking, as the baby slipped out so quickly. The baby made no noise, Lizel wrapped her in a blanket. There was another head forcing itself out very quickly. Ariel didn’t scream, she smiled, and silently pushed the baby out. He came out with ease. Lizel wrapped him in another blanket, they were small, premature. Ariel cried, “Please, I know who you are – Lizel – please wash them in the bathroom wrap them both in the same blanket. Lizel did as she was told, holding them each delicately washing them both in lukewarm water, and wrapped them both in the same blanket. The girl was not making no noise, the boy was murmuring.. Lizel handed them to Ariel as she took them, sweat rolling down her beautiful face – and then she spoke..

“Eternal existence is the essence of our souls, the light is where we come from and where we all shall return, Love is the beauty embedded in our immortal man – we are built in a dynasty of immortal heavens, skylines, lands, worlds, beginnings and ends, firsts and lasts, alpha’ and omega’.. we are built in a world of the unfathomable – which hereby is the glory of out eternal beings – Gracious Light, gracious one – whom sits on the throne.. Father of Eternal light – breathe your existence in the soul of your daughter and let her shine forth your existence ever so greater than I ever could of done – From this day I call her: Ora ” In an instant a light flashed and struck her forehead and she cried. Ariel looked up at Lizel with tears in her eyes, she looked down at the murmuring boy,

“And you my son, you will bring Victory to the family, you will show your Father the authority of a man as you begin to grow. You will show him patience, vigilance and the power built in you – You are my joy, you are Gods gift to us all – From this day I call you El-Cai” A light struck his forehead and his little being began to cry so loud and dearly. Ariel layed them down crying – she looked up at Lizel:

“I am you, and you are me – you will realize we are together forever – we never parted – Go, tell the world what you have known what the light has shown you. Do not deny the light, hold on to the light. You are a Child of Light, you may suffer at first but in the end the restoration will come, this will be the chance to be a witness for it. Continue on from me Lizel, God – The ONE has blessed us to continue on. You are a lover, a true lover – undeniably deep in nature – A mother of mothers – a sister of sisters – a brother of brothers. You are a warrior, you are ora and you are one of the lights before the throne. My light is returning home, in the world to come you will follow in the road of light, the narrow way” She called me to come close and kissed my forehead. She let out a roar in my ear – the roar of a Lion – the sound was deep and loud but my ears could take it. In an instant, she closed her eyes and laid there – her life returned back to the light.

There was a banging on the door. It sounded like the guy who understood her, he called out her name.. fear in his voice – he kicked the door down in one kick. .  and ran inside. He couldn’t see Lizel but he saw the babies crying, it was the 12th guy. He ran to Ariels side and started screaming

“NOOOOO, NOOOOO, Nooooooo, Nooooooo” tears rolling down his eyes. He roared just like her, there roars were both simular. Lizel stood in shock. She understood the 12th guy was her heart. Akin walked in, his eyes opened wide – and in that moment he tore his clothes in despair and fell to his knees.

The Light appeared again – and this time Lizel fell into the whirlwind on her own.

She looked up at Jovan, they both began to cry heavily.

They came back again.

They held eachother in the cell.

“I’m so sorry” Jovan cried heavily.

“I’m so sorry, I caused you pain whilst the world was causing you pain, we all killed you”.

Lizel let go of the hold and stared him deep in his eyes and let out a ferocious ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

He bowed before her.

“We begin again” he said in sincere, true and God-fearing authority.

The End.

 

 

 

 

You Vs You

Will I ever fit in.

Will I ever look the part.

Am I good enough?

My kindness is my weakness, I’m a fool then.

They didn’t say Thankyou, they didn’t even say Please. No Well dones.

He’s playing mind games with me. Whys he doing this? Its probably me, I never listen.. preferring the high than to face him.

Shes tricking me, she’s cheating.. shes lying.. why is she forever using me for things she wants. She don’t love me, she never did.

It don’t matter anyway, atleast I’m alive.. who cares, I care.

I’m always trying to do the right thing but its not working for me.. What is right and wrong anyway.

Do I think too much.

They took from me, I’ll take from them. Heartless much.

Argh. I can’t do it, it’s pointless.. I won’t win, I have heart..chaotic yes but it burns for more. I’ll hurt me instead.

Can they hear my thoughts, they can hear my thoughts..

“Ohhh Nooo!!”

Why are they staring at me.

They make me feel weird.

Maybe its better being high, It blocks out the world.

Should I just act like them, maybe I won’t be an outcast.. “but then that means i’ll be going against me”

Why do I make myself feel this way.

Forever distancing myself from the world. I may be the problem, but aren’t we all the problem?

I’m a loner but I don’t feel alone – I just have no one to feel what I feel. Why do I feel so strongly. What is feelings.

I’m a weirdo. No your not. Yes I am. No your not. YES I AM.

NO I’M NOT! I’M JUST ME – BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.

Silence.

These were the thoughts slipping in and out of my brain growing up, and now i’ve reached a part of myself where I can view me. . .properly. I would sit in silence listening to my mind, I would walk around viewing all around me but I learnt that being free paid a heavy price, and this turnt me against myself. I didn’t feel lovable much, I knew I was beautiful.. not the outside beauty but in my secret place.. I knew this without a doubt. I hid alot because I chose not too want to pass the pain, I understood passing it causes havoc but I saw resisting made it worse not for me, but for others who did want to get close. I locked myself In. As I grew I found my freedom again, but then I was attacked once again.. Why wasn’t I able to understand my mind? It seemed like people could tap in and out of me, as I thought. I was an open picture for all to see, unfinished but adding different colors as I went along and yet some took their brush and were purposely ruining my art.

Do we let others ruin us?

Do we ruin ourselves?

Why are we always allowing others to walk over us?

Why are people always comparing us to others?

Why are we forced to do things even when we are not ready?

Why can’t we just say no?

Why are we victims.

Why does heartache play on us.

Why do we overthink.

Even whilst choosing not to care, I never really understood why I let things pass and never dealt with them there and then. I was really good at acting like I didn’t care.

Blank faced it all.

As teens and young adults and some older adults too we have been caught up in our minds, our feelings.. some of us having no one to talk too but a paper and a pen or even so the open air. Some people call it our ego, I’ll call it the dark side. To all those dealing with issues such as: Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, ptsd, adhd, bipolar, anorexia and many other mind altering dis-orders you are never alone. Many of us deal with this and force ourselves to face eachday refusing to let the outside world get to us, even though we know it plays it’s games, or maybe it’s us – who knows. I must admit I was embarrased having a mental breakdown to my manager at work due to the pressures of life but hey.. it happens.

To all suffering mentally I just want to tell you, you will always be worth it. Don’t let the mind control you. Its all conditioned, other conditioned minds have more power in the whole matrix that it affects you heavily. You are wonderfully and beautifully made. Greater is he in you than he who is in the world. Well done for understanding your issues, for knowing your struggles and choosing to see it.. well done for getting up everyday and choosing to look at yourself and make yourself better in character.. even though at times you can’t face the world you face yourself. Find one thing about you that you wouldn’t ever trade or change about yourself, ponder on it.. think about it and strive to enhance it.  Your a warrior, a hero, your someone that I needed.. maybe you never might of been able to help me but maybe we could of shared our feelings and in doing so push ourselves to be better.. or maybe it would of been toxic, who knows.

As a fellow sister who somehow was left behind in the matrix on my own the majority of the time, trying to figure life out I understand the feeling. I know the uneasiness. The sickness. The struggle. The emotional up and downs.

Please, don’t go through it alone. Talk to someone. Speak it out, some of us have healed ourselves but thats a hard road. We are all healers somehow, but Its important to talk to those who really care – who would really listen without judging you or making you feel like you are a problem.

We were born to help eachother, to better eachother, to build eachother and not tear each other down.

I’m proud of alot of people who have overcome, who are on the road to overcome, who are in the healing process now.

We’re all sick trying to get better.

I pray you make it through, with all my heart. I pray we all do. One way or another, we are all one. We all feel. We all see.

You got it. (I will never forget the person who told me this)

You really do. Let your heart open once again. Do not be afraid.. because your only fear is you versus you and no one else.

Be Love. We will make it through, we all will.

 

 

Dear Jesus XxXxX

I bet your looking at me now like what do you want now.

*smiles*

I never write my prayers out in public but thought to type this out. Right now, I wish I was up in the heavens singing with the angels and those pretty flowers I saw singing to you ever so beautifully, on the greenery by the pathway going towards the amazing waterfall in the centre of the city. Your throne is woah.. like woah.. this earth and it’s luxuries CANNOT BE COMPARED TO YOUR THRONE AND THE HEAVENS, AND ITS BEAUTY.  The city itself is unfathomable but your throne, is just… muuaaaad. This is something any man will know when they get the chance to see it, not only in prayer but in you inviting them to see you on the throne. I hope more people experience it, when they do hmm.. boy oh boy.. will they realize that The Fathers throne ain’t no joke! Jesus your on the right side of The Father so you kicking it back, chilling.. watching us all.. intervening with your mercy, love and forgiveness. The Holy Spirit, ahhh couldn’t be more greatful.. so so so greatful for such an amazing gift bestowed upon me. Thankyou Jesus, honestly.

Those flowers sounded so beautiful, better than any voice ever heard on planet earth, I remember I use to ask you to give me one of their voices lol every prayer haha but hey who knows maybe everytime we praise abit of pollen from those flowers in heaven gets put in our spirit to enhance our praises..

It feels different, our relationship. It seems like it’s grown, its been a struggle but a blessing. I’m blessed. I don’t say that much but deep down knowing you and what we have shared I know it. You seen me through so much. No one will ever know what you mean to me.. and to others you have also helped in this world too.. mad love to them! I’m still the little me that gets up and sits on my bed talking to the open space/air and literally catching jokes with you over things people would probably find weird, you still listen though.

No words will ever express so much of your love that you have shown to me. I may not be out there, and associate with the world much or even you know, be apart of the boxes of this society.. which makes me abit weird .. but i’m cool with that..

When I tried to be in the box you kept telling me off!!! Like man the punishments I got was bare weird like, it was as if you was here proper, like a dad would discipline his child in real life physical form. Your here though, I know. I feel you. I feel so honoured to know you and to experience your truth in my life. The battles we fought and the wars in the spiritual realms have been real.. Some went by silently.. it’s crazy, you somehow made me silent in them.. when they were so huge. I’d still be talking about you, telling others of you whilst battling in darkness. Was it to make me stronger? Or to be able to know that it’s better to trust you than to put trust in man? I firmed alot, barely had friends and was always home alone haha so had no choice but to kind of deal with life and the call the way you planned for me.. even when I tried to run and not be home you always called me back. I understand your providence in my life has been real, very real. You’ve actually taught me everything Christ. No church, no religious leader, or even my Ma taught me and trust you know she is faithful boyyy, it was you..the Holy Spirit literally guided me in everything I have come to know.

Everything I didn’t understand you would show me, all I did was ask. Visions, dreams, people along the way that came and just words they would say.. Journaling my whole experiences with you.. reading books and discussing them with you in my bedroom as always. I remember John many years ago when I was 17, Ma’s friend .. I remember he told me, the Holy Spirit was his best friend, that he would laugh with it..and sit down in his living room discussing everything and just be smiling. In my head I was thinking thats me though, I do that. He told me all this wide eyed with a face of love.. now I understand. I fully understand what he meant. From young I would talk to you sitting on my bed but you finally came to me and showed yourself to me in my bedroom when I least expected it. Thats when the talks elevated, thats when you became more real, even though I believed.. I wasn’t just sitting there thinking I’m just talking and hopefully you hear. So you do listen..the dove was real and BEAUTIFUL, all 5 of them. How many years of me just talking to the air and BAMMM you appear when i’m 19, your always there..you are always there despite how we feel, ain’t got nothing to do with the world like that. Its Love man, real love.. priceless.

You have held me up, through things I didn’t expect to experience earlier in life in the spiritual realms and later on till this day too. Theres purpose for everything, a reason for everything. My faith in you will never go. I just hope in you and pray with every part of me you never leave me. Your my best friend. I think now as I sit and ponder about this all i’m forced to be stronger and bolder than ever. You have been my solid holder, literally.. where would I have been.

Every experience, my diaries, my love poems, every deep emotion connected to the depth of spirit I have felt because you was there allowing me to experience all the things I journeyed through. I guess sometimes, I wondered why? Questioning my reactions, my actions, my thoughts, my being. How could such faith be tested ongoingly, but life is a battle of the flesh and the mind with the heart and our spirit. . . to those who seek realness in the pain and struggles of life within themselves and outside of themselves.. you walked it, so you know.. divine as you are.

Did you ever think why did the Father not take the pain away Jesus? When you had to carry that cross, even though you knew you had to die for the truth and for mankind to know that truth in themselves through your walk.. even though you knew it was what you were called to do.. You probably didn’t think at all right, you just said your will be done Lord, and then went along with the plan.

Its a serious life we live, the narrow way is very serious. You said it was a hard road but in the end leads to life, and that is life to the full a blessing you give your children who seek you in Spirit and in Truth. You were right. This I knew in my heart growing up that this world was no ordinary world and other worlds existed. Innocence is sweet, life a gift.

Theres things about this life that some people haven’t come to realize, some people are aware of it and others are not. I have  been in my little bubble with you for so long, in and out of this knowing. I was acting like Jonah once the bubble got burst it was like my whole world was over. I couldn’t be a baby anymore.

*smiles* Your proper my day 1 .. like literally.

Your the only one who kept your word to me in this whole life.

Psalm 27 said it well. So I had to grasp it for myself.. sometimes parents forsake their children.. and children forsake their parents. We are always to put our faith in you before everything. So at 12 when I made a decision to get baptized, after all the weird dreams you kept showing me ..I said it would always be you. I made a vow you would be my best friend. You seriously have been, it’s funny but true in my mistakes I’d secretly come back and cry it out, some things I never understood but man in my softness you did make me strong even when it appeared I was a pushover or just plain weak! Acting tough was me trying to be strong but it didn’t work lol. Life has been changing for everyone, for centuries.. everything you said about sin, righteousness and judgement of this world was true. We cannot deny it, the believers know. There own lives are a living witness to it.

We seen it before, we’ve seen too much before it’s time.

We have lived.

Your my roar.. fully exposed.

Its alot for me, for us all of faith. . but you said you’ll never leave us nor forsake us so I’ll trust you through it all. The journey of Long Life Souls in Narnia.

I love you Jesus.

So to the next part and stage of my life through this seemingly time travelling society, please take my hand and lead me, guide me on the narrow path continuosly, and I all I ask is just please don’t leave me man lol even though you won’t I just need to say that! You already know, you already know it goes. Let my heart to be courageous and kind, honest and loving. My spirit to always remain loyal to you and then to those close to me.

I hope my life will be a blessing to those around me, and that I’ll forever walk with you..knowing deep down You are my shepherd and I shalt not want for you will always make a way as long as I believe. Psalm 23 all day everydayyyyy, Ma did well making us recite that psalm from early.. word for word you know xxx

Let wisdom, knowledge, understanding, insight, foresight and your infinite Love abide in me all the days of my life as well as your goodness and mercy.

To All who have faith, let them continue being the warriors they are, bless their individual walk with you and let us all shine your light to a world that needs to know .. that our saviour lives and yes.. we all will see you face to face once again.

My Love for life, my first Love.. Thankyou Jesus..

In the name of The Father, the Christ and in The Holy Spirit

ONE xxxxxxxx

 

 

 

Once Again.

Lost Souls who came to find existence from the first pant of life. . some of us already knew the journey was to be something huge to embrace. Our eyes awakened to the air, the breeze of our surroundings.. tears rolling down our eyes crying ..vulnerable from the calm where we were protected in the warmth of the womb.

I often times wander what God was thinking creating us, his purpose in this all. Love seems to keep us standing, we cannot even define it.. somehow we truly believe in it’s essence.

We can feel from within.

To touch, to smell, to taste, to hear, to see..

It all has meaning, just to experience the nothingness in everything, the everything from what we seem to understand as nothing but truly is all in all.. of these series of events we ponder. We are exposed.

We’ve all been before. It doesn’t surprise me.

It makes me a believer, more for truth, for the goodness of God to live among men, for humanity to be better and grow to understand the depth of Love. Immeasurable.

Fresh air.

Life, once again.

 

 

Two Become One.

I’m going to make a cappucino, would you like one too?

What is done for me is done for you..

What is this whole two become one life?

We are sepearte identites but One in Spirit, mind, heart, and

I guess our souls intertwine too right. . .For better and for worse.

Selfishness is just not what works with us.

Honesty is everything, Loyalty well thats the package with Love isn’t it. . . should you even have to question my loyalty?

Trust – that can get broken but with forgiveness there are steps that can be implemented so we can regain that back in eachother. . it may not be easy but it can be done.

Patience – without the ability to wait through lifes difficult moments together in hope and faith.. how can we ever know the quality of our hearts as one?

Joy – we share the joys of life, the smiles, jokes, and the deep knowing that I am yours and you are mine. Our Joy that God is our foundation in all and through all – he is our truth and there ain’t nothing but his unconditional-infinite love within us.

We ought to be fair with one another, and to endure the storms, rains and winds of life together, no matter the cost.. The gift in grace.

Envy can’t be a part of our home.

Jealousy will only destroy what we build.

We ought to respect eachother, never disregarding eachother as non-worthy of having any input in decision making or any relevance to eachothers lives in any way.

We don’t have to boast, humility is our clothes – if you want to joke with me then i’m willing to listen to your boastful comments – I’m more than ready to tickle you.

Its not about me

Its not about you

Its about We.

I must do unto you as I’d like done unto me.

I must take care of you as I would take care of me.

I must not think of me but I must think for us as one.

Are you not free?

Are you not able to live your life.

Yes, you may. Though I’d like you to be with me all the time –

I understand that sometimes you would want to hang out with your buddies. Can you tell me the truth of where you are in fact?

Can you be 100% naked?

Even if it was the worst situation could you

trust me enough to tell me everything.

Do I not support you and you me.

We must admit to our faults and failures yes, but can we not build eachother to stand back up again even when we fall.

Speaking life, living a humble and meek life.

We are eachothers peace.

I am for you.

Are you for me?

I am for us.

Are you for us?

Lets put it on the table, lets work this out,

I have mercy on you and you me.

Let me not run from our issues, why discuss it with others – can we not solve it together?

Are you not my lover, my comrade for life, my teacher too.

I may be a little nonchalant in certain ways but i’ll always be willing to listen to you.. I am you and you me.. we are one.. I can’t ignore your part of me. It will only hurt us.

Can we pray about situations?

Even read the word together?

Can we sit down in silence together .. not saying anything without you feeling distant.

Can you hold me sometimes and just stroke me, no words..

Just show me your affection. . .Let me know you want me as I want you.

Be with me, ride with me, don’t be scared.. We ain’t perfect but we will get there.

I want to hold you in ways you have never known – to let you know I’m you.. I want me to know this.

Can you really take us. You know us. Don’t run from us.

Melt in it with me and I melt with you.

So what if they mis-understand us.

We understand us. Inside.

That’s all that matters.

You’ll carry my babies, I’ll feed with the bottle when your asleep sometimes.

I want to create with you.

You want to create with me.

ONE.

A Love which is more than a fantasy – it is Alchemy.

Mentally.

Physically.

Spiritually.

Emotionally.

Our divine sacred marriage of our beings before the Unseen Creator of Life, The Eternal One.

We become One Body, One Mind, One Soul, One Existence.

The Univeral flow from the Divine one being unlocked between us both – Our DNA being made anew through this

COSMIC LOVE.

ME.

YOU.

WE.

The Two become..

ONE.

Neither One of Us.

I’m not ashamed to say I’m insane in Love. I can’t be that crazy, because I’m in my sanity but at times i’m blurred from my own reality.

I’m not playing games, I’ve been led along the way to this point and I’ve watched myself. . . it’s been an interesting view.

I’m a bundle of joy but a loner, I like my own company but truthfully I haven’t been alone. I’ve always had my divine Spirit to talk too, my divine has been the bestest friend I could ever ask for.

I understand I’m a little strange because of this

but I can’t deny this part of who God made me to be.

A child at nature but a serious dame when called to fight the tides of life. Yes, i’m vulnerable.. always have been..and I hated this part of myself. I’ve tried to protect my vulnerability but it’s never worked.. It reveals itself. I guess me trying to be strong is just an illusion.. my weakness is my strength.. or is my strength my weakness? It’s neither one of us.

There are days I want to disappear not for bad reasons just to disappear, to be a snowflake. Other times I want to jump up and down on my bed, sometimes I do.. other times I sit on my bed and giggle.. and I just can’t stop. It’s been like this for years.

I walk up and down in my bedroom talking to myself.. always done this since a child – and it never left.

Sometimes I have nothing to say to myself so I literally stare at the wall. . .Other times I stare out the window..

Sitting in silence.

My divine always lets me express myself, I’ve somehow learnt

to understand that my divine and me are one.

When I was a little younger..I was ashamed of this friendship I had. It was like having an imaginary friend, I was dependent on it.. it made me aware of things.  My divine was my best friend in the good and the bad.. later on in life ..The Spirit finally made itself known to me. I kind of needed it too.

My divine promised me that it would never leave me, at times I felt it did. Even in my most vulnerable moments it held me.

LOVE.

Is a powerful force. Its left me splattered with nothingness and yet filled me with everything at the same time. I always knew it would do this to me. I understood the highs weren’t forever but the peaceful knowing was a comforter.

It hasn’t been for the love of family, friends, a boy or a man thats ever made me truly ride for Love. This part of me is unexplainable I know it resides with my soul..

Its a part of me that strongly feels, not for anyone but just to feel..it’s a secure pressure within.. it tugs me, pulls me, breaks me, looks me in my eyes and tells me nothing. It stares at me, just like a floating feather I see it dancing through my eyes. This part of me connects me with things, people, situations, animals, specific locations and always gave me visions. This part of me often made me isolate myself. I didn’t trust people, let alone myself..only a few I could relate too.. even so I’d take long periods away from people.

I never truly understood it.

This part of me.. It made me smile in the mornings though..

                                It still makes me smile.

 at times it did pull me to want to experience something deep with another person but it never happened. This part wouldn’t open for just anyone.. it wasn’t allowed too.

                                               I always run from it anyway. I don’t know if this is selfish but its true. I know I sense strongly, but it has nothing to do with that – What i’m trying to explain cannot be explained unless my soul was to dissolve in someone elses.. another soul who understands more than the physical.. maybe then that unexplainable thing will find its answer.. but would I run away again?

I’ve some-how been in a daze but awake..

tried to force myself asleep but it never worked.

I had to keep being there.. all the time. I felt like I was asleep sometimes but I actually weren’t and how funny it was. I stayed silent in the worst moments, laughed when I should of cried, cried when I should of been smiling.. spoke too much when I could of said nothing, looked away when I should of looked straight at the situation.

Looking away means protecting myself.

To let others see what has been mis-understood was some-what a fantasy. It’s alot for myself and sometimes it takes returning.. returning home.

HOME?

Yes.. I take breaks from the world, I’ll leave everything and reside at home so that I just don’t go crazy even when I think I am. I have too hide away.. It’s essential.

I’ve been made out to be mad.

I’m insanely mad.

Figure it out for yourself.

Maybe its because I ask alot of questions.

Maybe I think to much about life.

Maybe I talk about things that some people don’t have the mindset to think in.

It’s odd but I’ve dealt with it.. on my own for me, not for anyone else. It’s helped me see the cosmic sense of things.. I guess thats the cool thing of being me. The imagination of Life way, way, way up high.. where angels sing and flowers smile..and stars battle in the heavens..I’m stuck here knowing this earthly plane and it’s systematic cells that are inbred in us to become delusional on matters out of our control.

I want to laugh so hard, at my own self.

I just did.

To be truthful I’ve never wanted to be sexy as women are, cute is better ..i’ve always felt that I had to fit the image of being a “girl” or a “young lady”. I’m too chilled for all that.

I always wanted to be bare.. just naked.

Being a legit boy would be nice, but I always knew I had a boy in me somewhere, he’s mysterious. He’s sometimes silent, and makes alot of jokes.. He finds girls annoying but puts up with them because he has a girl with him.. well a young lady, which is me ..in him.

But me and him we are both dynamics, mutants..rich in omega 3 and high in Vitamin A and E. He deals with me well, and I kind of sit back and admire the character. My divine just watches us both as one.

“I feel like i’m walking in slow motion” these were the words I muttered when I was in my own high.. many years ago. I remember that motion – I was always in that motion, a face with no expression, smiling here and there, quiet at times.. but then the whole world around me always seemed like a odd planet. I realized the matrix before I knew of the term. I was secretly a ninja turtle, Michaelangelo in fact. The boy in me is the Ninja, the girl in me is Rapunzel.

Neither one of us have truly introduced ourselves.

We are just both weirdo’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not your enemy.

Sometimes we worry so much about how others see us. Closing ourselves from who we are for fear of the worlds perception of our souls.

Reality is something we all try our best not to face, we cover it behind a facade of masks, desires, hopes and false imaginations.

We cannot force a way of life upon ourselves without feeling the effect of it being weighed from within our being. Each of us has a responsibility to open their eyes to the understanding of Life within themselves.

The only enemy one fights is the enemy within themselves and then they can see the enemy that looks through the eyes of others. Take the speck out of your own eye before you take the speck out of your brothers eyes, Jesus said. The complete truth.

With so much concepts, worldwide issues/social issues..and social movements in this system its ovbous that the enemy is at work among men, although we can create a more free world where boxes are not formed for us, men desire to conform to society masks than their own.

Many humans have existed before us, maybe we have been all that have existed and repeated ourselves over and over.. who knows but God? World boxes have given men the ability to pick: politics, philosophy, religion, theology, finances, business, entertainment, education and some more… aswell as creating factions between us all. The poor and the rich, the gangsters and the nerds, the barbies and the plain janes, the badboys and the soft boys, our countries of origin and our place of settlement. I often time find these all difficult to understand, as a living soul I have always felt weird about societys influence on how we see ourselves.

An ongoing issue of social movements creating fools out of people, attention seeking individuals, new challenges for the socialites and the popular individuals carrying an influence in the world today for better or for worse. Fulfilling purpose and maximizing our potential is the working of the inner man, the power infused within us from the beginning that the Unseen God has given us.

I am not your enemy if I fail to project your fears or mirror your emotions. Sometimes we learn these things to fall back into the trap and relearn it again, but when will we ever understand the reality of this system? Its an ongoing cycle of fear and love, hatred and war.. hardships and struggles, hunger and plentiful. Are there solutions that better the lives of every soul? Are the solutions already picked and chosen for us?

I cannot conform, and refuse to stay in a box.. this had been the process since I left school and entered college. Somehow it seemed like an un-necessary blur to me.

I may seem like an outcast not able to conform to the worlds ways, breaking free from the history of the snake that has travelled worldwide to hunt down many souls and destroy their unique one minded consciousness.. but I am not for it.

This worldwide delusion has corrupted many, made them choose their box without truly creating their own. It forces individuals to participate in the underworld dungeons of lies and deciet to gain a profit from society, which the system itself does unto a man. The game is a dangerous forfeit of ones own soul, exchanging a real inner truth of values and respect, honesty, loyalty, faith, love and righteousness for lies, hatred, a false way of life, stealing, killing, division, pride, wars and control.

Every man was born free to form his own box, to allow the universe within him to manifest his own being to light without conforming to whatever the system offers them to become as.

Am I a rebel? Am I a trouble maker? Am I a problem to you?

How can I be if I desire to think for myself and desire others too think for themselves too without the concepts embedded in them that was given to them.

There is much more to break down, if only we all took the time to know beyond the surface of just beating the system by trying to outsmart it. If only we knew the ins and outs of its belief set up plans, its strategy thinking ways and its one key resource to make men enslaved too it.

We have the ability to each do the same.

In an honest, hardingworking way… done for yourself in the service of others.

This Kingdom is laid down and taken over by those who desire to live in order to die to worlds concepts to arise in life eternal prepared to form a free world in collaboration with the Unseen Supreme God.

Am I your enemy? Never, I’m a citizen in the spiritual dimensions in Christ and in this elevation I seek to better our world for future generations to have more ideas to think from as well as coming from them – inspired by inflences but mostly connected to the source.

 

I am not your enemy!

Sick With Love

Run away…

 sick with Love.

 Run away…

 sick with Love.

The lilies and the daffodills are waving

But there are only tears,

sick with Love.

As the sun, as the rain, and the wind.. sick with Love.

What is to be done?

A scream..

To hide?

Take the gun and suck this life.

Sick with Love.

A naked body is aching, heart is melting.. it is melting till its no more.

Smile is a Scarecrow once again.

Stare limitless crawling in with the atomsphere it has no end.

Why Love. Why torture. Why the pains. Just to hold and slip away, never truly slipping.. always here, always near.

Suffocating strength as weakness.

Wheres home, one belongeth where?

Why Love why do this.. bleeding tears.

Mad.. No.  A dam..neither.

An overflow, an ocean.. so why must one drown.

Why swim endlessly in One. . and yet drown.

Is there courage to save?

Desiring this madness, love.

To watch the madness. Its happened already, Its been done. What more do you want from one?

What more.

One like smoke in the air, one is but a mist.

What are you looking for love.

What do you ask of one.

You’ve taken over, made one a fool too many times. Yes, and one even walked away from you. . but you kept calling back, Love.

You resurrect one time and time again.

Forever keep travelling, keep reliving. . even when Life tries to dis-own one, one keep’s living. This cannot perish, one is held flying, wings floating in the sky.. eye on fire light in one’s world over-powering the darkness.

Faint.

Sick with Love but standing un-moveable, un-shakeable and will not resist.

Sick with Love.

 

 

 

Escape the Mafia.

She was Love, misunderstood.

The Mafia some how found her,  laid eyes on her and knew she was not ordinary.

The GodFather himself, the greatest womanizer of town had studied this lass, he thought she wouldn’t notice but she did. The unseen in her, made it all quite simple for her to grasp.. Yes though she never met him, she knew of him.

He thought she would be oblivious too the serendipity moments orchestrated by Life and his intentions to master this mis-understood soul.

The mafia had plans, some how they would capture her in a moment, speak to her, she would become a great ally.. an asset to the team,  whomever could get to her first would therefore be the one to bring her in.

Bring her in too what exactly?

There brother-hood of course.

Though it seemed as if she was oblivious to the whole game, she was not. A mastermind in action around her, greater than herself knew this was all taking place.

There brotherhood was their god, but the Supreme divine spirit, in which lived in her – Christ – was her guide and protection, her only brotherhood was those who lived in the Messiah. Those who knew the way of the cross. Those who knew Love.

How that would be possible to get to her they did not know. She was hardly seen around, just every once in a while she would be out in the open and quickly hide her way indoors. The God-Father knew he would have to plan his move carefully. The other team members knew that The GodFather was very fond of her, and so there was an agreement every man in the mafia would not make any subtle moves as to make her naked heart fall for them.

One of them desired to feel her heart, and so took it upon himself to find her where-abouts and intentionally released his heart energy to her.

She in her own world walking on the sidewalk, felt his heart beat with her own from a distance.. looking up and wondering how it happened. O’ how she could not fathom this insiduous act. She pondered, she reminsced. . .how she had never felt another heart beat with her own. Was she to allow his heart to fool her ?

She couldn’t, her heart although eager to express the faculty pieces bestowed in her life’s journey was not able to be fooled. She was connected to someone she did not quite understand.. She didn’t truly know him. . he was somewhat a dream to her – a passing of the wind. Here and then gone.. he was her young hearts love. Yet how was this other brother’s heart able to beat with her own? How remarkable she thought. This too would effect her mysterious mind later on.

Days went on by and months, and the mafia somehow studied her behaviour from afar. She was silent, could be seen to know much more than she let off – she was also seemingly funny in character.. they could all tell. Her walk was cute, her frame and body well proportioned, though it changed throughout different stages.. Her last stage finally making her petite. Her facial features complemented eachother well, though she may not have been the most beautiful woman ever seen – she was the most enchanting they had come across.  The God-Father who was no where to be seen wasn’t someone who always came around. Who was he? She knew he existed, but she didn’t know who he was. Her own mysterious dream man – was somewhat a hidden love, a dream – but the God-Father ..did he know the hidden love, was he secretly the hidden love, or was the God-Father some-one who may seem more superior to her hidden Love?

How did the God-Father know of her in the first place?

Where exactly did he find out about her? She didn’t know who he was but she was aware of his existence in town, that is.

The other team members grew un-interested in the task not understanding why the method took so long, but the God-Father knew he had to continue watching her so he informed them of a secret – a secret he desired no one to know. He informed them that he was able to access her mind and control her emotions, feelings and reactions. They did not believe him, reason why one of the brothers was drawn too feel her heart. When her heart beated with his own, through one attempt of releasing his heart energy he was astonished – her mysterious mind later began to wonder.. never taking her eyes off of the hidden love, she strangly began to have images of one of the brothers appear in her mind, she was able to see through his eyes. He appeared every once in a while in her mind, and she watched as his expressions changed, there were no words just facial expressions.

Later on another brother tested this out.

He attracted her by color, the color red, he was able to look into her eyes, thinking she was merely in a trance in which she wasn’t. The God-Father made her seem to be in a daze, but her power over rode the daze that she noticed this brother, whom she had seen before. As he drove off in his little red car, she was some-what amazed.. The color white was also used to draw her attention. She contemplated ‘how is this possible that I’m somehow being watched and unwatched. That i’m watching and someone else far greater than I watching for me.’

Due to her hidden powers, and unique soul – presumably one that had been so warped in the divine that she barely recognized this, they were able to manipulate her mind.

They all begun to participate in the game, in which she would have to find out for herself – the reality of the brotherhood as a whole, and face the attack head on. Did she have heart? Would it change or still remain One. This psychologically begun to break her down and wear her out – but somehow she managed to keep going.

This game was getting out of hand, and the God-Father knew it. He was mis-using a power he had, and damaging the heart and mind of another who had already faced this test earlier on in life. They all had to reap what they sowed so the damage they had caused her some-how begun to fall on them, starting first with the God-Father. There own minds begun to be manipulated, their souls disturbed, unusual circumstances which should never had taken place created drama – therefore creating commotion for the brotherhood.

Did they not fear the divine within her?

Did they not know that it was not some fairytale story?

Could they not see that the essence of the heavens dwelt among men. So why play with it? Why misuse their own to damage anothers?

Were they satisfied with the aftermath of their own polluted minds. Not quite so. For they longed to return for yet another round. This time it was becoming clear who the God-Father might have been.

She disappeared, and was in hiding.

The Divine God within her moulding her back to herself. This whole drama playing out seemed some what unfair to her. Why was she a target to such an atrocious act?

Did they desire to test her love and loyalty? Did they desire to test the divine within her love? Did they see something in which they desired to take from her? All this was un-known.

All she could do was reside in the comfort of her home.

This young lady was not stupid by all means, she kept watch over times, and was able to understand the repetitive motion behind all that was taking place. She was also able to see beyond it to, that it had to be played out, for this was orchestrated by something far higher up that she knew of.

She was aware of God’s providence in her life and no man would ever take this divine essence from her, it was her greatest gift given unto her to show her who she really was and to whom her hearts allegiance was given over to. They had no idea.

This young lady participated in this challenge, unawares that it was planned by outside forces. Pre-destined before time by God.

She managed to escape from the Mafia, her hidden love dying away within the chambers of her heart and now she was prepared and destined to love anew.

Packing her bags and leaving for a new country. . .having learnt that Love was the supreme power to overcome all dark forces, and to reveal the hidden secrets of men and their delusional minds.

She managed to find Love, true love and he was the man she had always needed. Yes he was the part of her that she knew existed.

Love is far greater than we can imagine. It is supreme in all it’s ways. Never giving up, never stopping till it can gloat over it’s foes and manage to stay one in the fight for life.

Psalm 22:26 ‘May your heart live forever’

Psalm 89:2  For you have said: ‘Love is built to last forever’ you have fixed your constancy firm in the heavens.

Love is the greatest.