The flashes of your soul come through to me, they some-how are reflected inside of me. I’ll let myself melt away in the emotion as of itself.

Often in my world I’m off with the sun, moon and stars and then suddenly I float beyond the clouds and enter the world of the core.

Desire doesn’t call, neither passion but the inner urge of your groin infused with mine. The hold of an endless melody as you pour your tears onto me and I mine with you. . the wait to melt within eachother without remorse. To stare courageously in the eyes of the oceans deep, the beholders bridge to eternity.

The breath in sync as you breathe me and I you. The fault were not in our eyes, we entered that way. We drive and embark the energetic motion of life through our hearts vein, the muscle lane.. the pumping chain – locking us into the deepest merge of immortal DNA’s. I can’t catch a breath no more, because melting means you have taken me away from it, slowly.. yet still I am seated in this exctasy with you. Don’t imagine us, feel us. . . know the twists and turns our hearts take to build this divine page – we enter into it.. we write it in eachothers hearts.

    Could you ever feel me? Did you ever feel me? Did you analyze my secrets? We share our heart-beat because we share our love, we feel eachothers love, we know eachothers love.

Laying down you cuff my cheeks into your hands, your forehead against mine as your strength and aura rise to spiritually wrap me into you. I’m interwined with your mind as you are mine.. this is beyond me, beyond you..beyond us.

You rock me, honestly.. craddling my heart.

Am I to continuously melt into you? Am I to continously let go?

Give up my strength to become the essence you know and long to see..behind the veil of this limited body.

His tears of love are not pain or hurt, neither passion but they are his strength to share with me – his honour to carry me, his power to love me, deeply as he desires too – the way he knows he wants too – and to do this honestly.. no matter how he feels.

The motion is our honeymoon, our sweet hidden light.

Where your peculliar being is open to me, and I to you.

It is us now, just us two.

No one is around to know, I will know because you want to show me.. you want to hold me through it and guide me through it. It’s deeper than what we imagined because we push and pull – yet the heart cries in us both.. it won’t stop crying for us to centre this feel as one.

I’m here, I’m here.. you can release it to me – I will carry it all with you.. I will cling to you through it all, I will give myself away selflessly to you so you can find the soft touch in your strength to be refined.

Stop if you need to, talk to me if you have too, your expressions may change but my heart knows your expression.. it knows why it’s breathless and as you guide me – I’ll share in this with you.

You look deep into me, I see you. . .

It’s more than me, and you or us isn’t it.

It’s un-noticed in yourself but you pay attention and all you want is not to pay attention – not to notice but to silently release everything you are and ever thought you were away..

You want me to see him, you want me to recognize him again, to be strengthened by his presence.. but not as I think he is.. but as he is.. as he really is. You want to unfold him to me. He may not be as I imagined, he may not be what I expect – but he’s a part of me because he wants to be, because he feels me and I feel him but mostly because I am him and he is me.

You look into me to show me, he’s here, his innocence is all here. I can see, don’t hide him. . . share him with me.. we can grow and mould together in this. . we need our heartbeats.

Our Heartbeats don’t lie, we know what we want. .

Eternal Spirit knows what we want, knowing what we feel..

If we could disappear into eachother we would, we would transfigure in eachothers arms.. is it to much for us?

I feel you just as much as you want to feel me closer, with you, in you, by you.

It’s strange isn’t it? How weird we both are..

How much we really feel, what we really want to give – over-whelming to our deepest parts.

The confessions of a Heartbeat.

Mystery in Love

Love is beautiful.

It’s a war to be won, given yet freely to each of us.. whoever seeks it’s truth will reap it’s benefits, to those who push it away.. well they suffer the consequences of their lack of understanding and perish for lack of knowledge.

I’m a pretty cool and calm young woman, I don’t ask for much but the true love that never dies and to share it with another. In a world like this i’ve learnt thats too much to ask for. There are always conditions, preferences, division… and then the fundamental truth of it’s living is therefore not becoming or even known to be. . instead it’s some sort of act needed to be praised. I’ve also understood we lack knowledge on the truth of Love. . it’s real truth.. the core truth of Love that knowledge beholds from within it.. on this I’d prefer not to go into as much.

Life is such a gift, so precious.

Every single soul alive is a living witness to the love of the Supreme. There’s nothing as sweet, tender and free as the love from the Creator in us and around us.

Love carries us through, it has been my friend for so long, I trust its protection in me and around me – it is something I choose to not let go of. No man can show me the love of the spiritual as I know the Creator can – it’s mystery has allowed me to understand why I believe, it hasn’t been easy but what is easy in this life of sorrows and pain we inflict on ourselves and eachother.

I’ve realized although peculiar in my ways – i’m forced to lean on this mystery, some things don’t make sense but I have to continue. . I have to follow through on the mystery of Love.

Spiritual Love surpasses all.

Infinite – Heart and Soul & Spirit


Elle x

It’s strange.

Speak the truth from the heart huh..

Interesting sentence.

It just seems strange, I can’t reverse time or the situations we find ourselves in. Should I wish too?

If we could understand the heart, I think it would mean we are beyond superhuman. The heart deals with alot of mixed signals, it is decietful above all things. What if your heart beats with another – is it decietful then..

I pondered it, for a long time.. I didn’t want to keep rehearsing it in my mind – but I felt the heart.

I’m not a sucker for love as I used to be, but i’ve appeared a fool for it – I am not ashamed of that, it happens. We get caught in the moment.

Sometimes things happen in our life to teach us lessons, I guess I had been in love with a past soul I met on my journey and never expressed this, that when I saw him again it drove me to my own madness. Despite the madness – I painfully allowed myself to go away from what I knew. . who I was. . to only try and fit his image, the image of the girls he would look at.

Why would he look at me?

Although I’m beautiful, the women of these days are preferred half naked than covered up. I’m pretty simple. A Mary Jane.

During my madness, I noticed another lover. . I felt him and I looked away as always. . I couldn’t let him see me or my eyes – it would make me more weakened for I was sucked by a past love who had no interest in me. I pondered that day though, there was something about him I recognized – I was forced to let it go. I continued on my life journey, battling my emotions, my own self, I couldn’t understand why I was stuck on the past soul love by its reminder to me.

I dreamt of the life changing situation to come, this madness. . .but this problem would wipe me clean of all my past, it would be used to empower me to grow. . I had already gone through much, but The Creator saw fit too bring this back to me, to see myself as I was before, as I was in the present and who I was becoming.

One random day, which I cannot forget . . the other lover I had seen from a distant who I turned my gaze from – appeared from around the corner, he probably thought I didn’t see him. I was aware that I had seen him before but it didn’t move me strongly, I just wondered how odd it was to have seen him on that day and how It was so random to see him again, on his own. I remember looking away, continuing on my walk with my neice and nephew – and then I felt a warmth pass through my heart it was so calm and passionate, I then felt my heart was in sync with another – I felt his heartbeat with mine. I looked up and I saw his head slightly turn but he continued walking.  I never forgot it, because of this.. I sometimes saw his face appear in my soul eye. I’ve always wished to have my heart beat with another, I was left heart struck. Who knew it was possible to exist that hearts can beat as one.. was this my imagination? I just knew this was a secret passion I held inside.

I can’t explain how I feel, I treasure the heartbeat but I haven’t got the answers, neither can I find them for he disappeared that day.  I kind of wish it didn’t happen, because the heart is the wellspring of life, to beat with my life is something I cannot push aside. . but I am forced too. Things happen though, maybe I’m just a fool for love and its power. . hence why I drove myself to my own madness through an eye connection which moved my soul. Its a strange world we live in. How we connect with others. I  know deep down there’s pieces of me that is hard to understand – not dreamy but away with my own drums.. I’m kind of strange myself, and so I’ve been told but now it’s okay.. I accept it.

A soul love is deep an endless river but things aren’t always as it seems, though endless there are many routes rivers go down – many different riverfalls .. and so what you may think is a soul love, may turn out to be something different than you imagined, strange world. A heart connection is somewhat a strange one – to contemplate one’s life wanting to beat with your own. . .one who recognizes and doesn’t forget, who ponders and listens and observes – appearing unseen but only un-seens recognize un-seens – am I right or wrong? NEITHER.

You just know, the heart listens and the soul observes.. the spirit ponders.

somewhat a funny comedy huh.

So where am I …..

Only God knows.



Love huh. . . Oh Love and it’s mysteries.



Who are you?

We are all naked.

We are all seen.

Who are you?

Why can I see you in me. . .

What was this, why are you blurred inbetween many. . .

Where are you really. Your dissolved – melted in – though I mourned for it to be removed.

Why can I see so much, I feel you – I feel them – I cannot deny what I see. . .

My heart, my soul, my drifting mind and my me.

Who are you?

Are you me?

Who are you?

A Heart Of Stone

I did it to myself, I broke it and so I fix it.
A society programmed to make you hallucinated, ill-framed and a product to protected lawful abuse of the mind.
A colonized heart of pain and fragments of delusions from torments and traumatic events. Yet so I found it, that silence.. those eyes and yet so disappearance had me running in my own lullaby never forgetting the small segments of my delusional mind.. Hoping for something I couldn’t express yet for a reoccurring evolution to orchestrate a hearts repair, is it fair?
I did it to myself, rock solid is the tears a sting  I knew.. and yet still the world went by and so did he. Madness is the state of the heart penetrating the mind and the soul suffocated by its own death, it won’t die but every shattered piece felt like a murder she wrote herself – designed to pattern her legal right to stand without fear.. even if it meant standing alone. Yes, it was his face that reappeared, my life sucked out into the same distraught memory of words I couldn’t open up too.. words I couldn’t say – hypnotized by fear of an emotion I had long stored away, of a depth to myself I allowed to be hidden. Heart of stone, grace said enough.. I fired up and yet still I did it to myself. He had no play, he had no game. I pulled the trigger, I set pace.. I allowed my power to be instigated by an old walk down memory lane.. demons tried to haunt me, to take me out and swallow me alive but somehow the heavens heard my silent screams.. no words.. a hearts cry real loud.

I walk it not for anyone else, but for what it is and the undescribed distant memories of every soul cry to be recognized or seen.. but I was and am still living. Its a state of the soul, eyes open even when shut, eyes open even when blurred in the world.. the wind blowing to and fro and your standing..shackles gone, but how this rhythm is a phantom opera.. a mystery chant.

I walk it, the quest within love. . I chose it.
The despair and the core grit ripped out.. bruises poured in, scars erased – tattoos sewed in of the aftermath.

   A heart of stone isn’t the fact she doesn’t cry, she cries much. She’s silent too, she laughs much and somehow completely subtle in her madness unseen but seeing. A heart of stone is cultivated in her tears, in her silence and in her disappearance, in her determination for the mystery of love to reveal it’s secrets.

A heart of stone is the stone that the builders rejected, and it therefore became a cornerstone – a chief in it’s own right.


Celestial essence within, a timeline dated before we ever could of known word and expression. Within sight lies something more untamable. Threatening existence is not merely presence alone it is the concord of atomsphere and preliminary occurrences in the wind of ones own dance. Attention to the details, the secret silence seeming futile to the fast paced world. It is not a roar, nor footsteps, either the calm of the wind. What is it formed to be? Mastery is the ascension of the particles within activated by the divine essence of the Holy Spirit untethered. Only one who has understood and come forth from the cycle long before has the key to instigate a solemn duty. DNA encrypted in the soul with divine providence .

Why bring it low, why fathom it . . . neither provoked by man or any human, this itself is the celestial plane of heavens guidance to insinuate an existence beyond us and within us. Realms unspoken of, missions called on… we are forming. . .

The form is in the Garden of Light, Seer..

Come out, Be seen.. Faithful One.

Souls Eye, Eyes of the Heart.

Isit our own forbidden story.


From the moment I saw him, I understood the feeling.. the knowing. The same feel never changed. I pondered on it, never forgot it. Words can’t even explain, I guess my hallucination made me imagine so much, took me into a different part of myself, some parts I had already explored. 9 years is a long time to not forget someone, to somehow disappear in the mist and then be reminded of the one person whom you felt the most without words, although there was so much I wanted to say and did yet still the words weren’t real enough.. I knew saying nothing at the same time was also a way of just allowing myself to just feel or maybe not. Whenever I spoke to him, or was around him I felt that high sometimes making me silent or other times making me want to talk so much. Though I never got so many chances with him, I understood what I felt more than words. The Souls eyes awakened long ago, seeing him in school made me recognize another, just like me. I could write for days but for some reason I’ve given up expressing this, maybe because deep down it hurts but yet its healed.. maybe because I somehow feel that it will never be the same, although its never meant to be is it. Things change. People change.. thats the sad thing about life. The world gets the best of us, swallows us into it’s maze into its hole. I’ve never cared for someone as much as I did he. For me its like the souls eyes knows it doesn’t need to be close, even though it sometimes desires his closeness. I even feel deep down it’s best I let go, the one thing I know is that sometimes that which is so strong can consume and take you away from everything – I don’t want to even think about it.. I shouldn’t. It’s that which is not recognized nor seen but we see.. the unseen in us allows us to see.. to swallow up everything and feel every part smother you and yet never let go.. to dissolve – completely. There will never be another soul who can move me like he did, but there is bound to be others who can relate. Being naked will never be enough, to enter me and me into him is just the beauty of the magnificant essence alive and existing. There is more, it doesn’t matter that it took all of me, there is more – we go beyond what we know, way more. Its not as if he has that hold on me, no man can hold the Christ in a being. They can believe they can by speaking it into existence but we unravel existence.. us unseeners. . where do we come from some ask.. only The Creator knows. Heaven and Earth will pass away but my word will remain.. spoken directly from the Christ. Son of Man, Son of God. My souls eyes I love him, he probably won’t understand that love. I don’t expect him too, I really don’t. Nothing can buy it, the fact it took me too my own madness whether he was the foe or genuine, who knows but I believed it – always did from when I was younger.. I don’t want to say no more. I have to let go.. otherwise i’ll be ripped apart even more.


The eyes of the heart was secretive, need I say more? It beated with my own – what did he.. the heart want to prove, that it was just like me? Stepping out to view one – I see you, 3 times in fact. Wondered if you saw into me, if you felt me. . if you did then what did you think. Was this your game too, nosey much?

*smiles* I wonder if you’ve been ripped apart, if so you must of enjoyed the show. Front row seats, maybe? Who knows. Your secretive, silent in your movements.. doing more than what is actually seen. Speak the truth from the heart. It’s deep, we are all deep. Some more than others. It’s not that simple, but it is – should I scream at you? Should I smile or look away quickly? Its not even me is it, the fight, the pull and tug – unrecognized.. It’s hidden comfort. In the warmth of it’s own being – you play hard to get heart, you know it. You just can’t be captured, you were always captured and you always dug and dug and dug and never stopped. You asked and asked and never stopped. Present, held and so it was never outside of yourself – It promised you it would hold you and you believed it.. eyes of my heart – you never lied. I went to that dimension of the heart, the holder of my heart held my hand and I looked behind at the world waving.. being guided through the unknown. Little me. So why did you beat with me? To find out my secrets and what would you do then?

You are just as special, the softness is something delicate.

A roar, I see you.







A Soldier

I’m caught away with something, whatever that something is.

I’ve felt all I could. . . is feeling ever enough.

The mind doesn’t want to battle anymore.

I’m holding strong, I don’t want to be weak. . . I don’t want to fall. I’m staring out of no where but what this place I imagined to be is not exactly a fantasy land. It was never a fantasy, not to me.. but now I’ve been gone with the wind – taken away from everything I knew.. and left not splattered but courageously standing.. I remember. .

Who knew that eyes could make me lose my focus,

a moments heart beat could day-dream my whole sanity. .

A deep stare in slow motion could tickle my inner stomach…

A small talk could excite my being once again.

It’s a hold, no letting go.

A heavy breath, one breath, one pant.. ai..

I won’t run then would I – would be so entangled inside the inside with this natural mystic. . maybe it’s the both of us.

It was never a war, it was reality. Every part of it, every pain, every inner scream of passion, every tear, every word spoken as I walked up and down my bedroom panting. Spiritual cries.. a soul yearning.. I shouted at myself, talked myself out of it all.. Oh the things I did for this feeling.

Everytime I came out the bath and stared at me, naked.. I said nothing. .Just stared. . . no feeling but the space of this invisible person.. this man I never knew.. as the water dried I would silently smile inside. Hugging myself saying it will all be over..

He just don’t know how strong it is..

How weak it can be..

How it can let go. . .

How it can play freely and still not let go of the hold.

Just for he. .

A soldier.

I whisper to myself once again..

“Please young Lady, don’t run. . don’t run. . Be Free”




What am I meant to feel?

How am I meant to continue.

Did I wake up from a dream. . .was this a game on me?

What am I meant to feel, or am I not meant to feel?

Should I just stare, stay quiet and look away as always..

What now…

Somehow it was all triggered, somehow it was all a blur.. I was alive, I saw everything.

This was no fantasy, it was real. I didn’t imagine it. My Spirit..

Yes, my Spirit felt it all and my soul – it was moved..swayed in slow motion yet still capturing the fast movements of my mind.. I was there, like i’ve always been.

My heart’s energy was bleeding and my mind out of control.

Did I drive me there?

All I know is that the love of my life, Christ held me.

Though my heart bled excessively, though I hallucinated and functioned in the blur . . .yet still I saw, experienced and felt. . physically and spiritually.

Holy Spirit never left me, he kept me.. Holy Spirit please don’t ever leave me. . . please xxx


Our Love is


Our hearts reflect the deepest parts hidden, immeasurable.

Only we have seen, only both our souls level-stand.

It’s passing by, it’s moving on. . . it’s all being erased.

Yet still neither time nor space makes us inseperable.