It’s So Real

I guess your me.. I’m you.. together we be.

I’m dealing with everything, connected to you.. you are there,

I see you smiling even though my face is still.

What about your feelings? …. ‘What feelings’

Your heart, does it still exist?

Yes it does but it’s more strange, it’s not as before.. it’s settled and calm. I can’t explain the feel that still exists, but it’s not something I have to think about, its something I accept if I want to.. or I deny it. I think .. well i’m not thinking but.. I accept it.. but it’s still weird though.

I want to explain what I feel but I can’t not properly, if i’m talking about “him” he’s at a distance and so am I or maybe we just staring at eachother real close who knows. All those things I felt rushing through me, all those emotions I know have been deepened in me, but I won’t speak on it. It feels like it will be expressed in a whole different way than expected.. its not imaginable as much but I know it is out of the norm.

Your soul? I feel like it wants to rip from its shell how I have always’s too much to contain but i’m bearing it you know?

To be honest whatever it was, it was.. whatever it is.. well I can’t explain it if it’s not here but I’ve been so used to thinking on feelings and emotions.. This time I’m not really thinking on it, it feels like i’ve past it and entered a new state, with him.. I don’t quite know.. do I want the heartbeat.. its not about want.

It is about knowing deep down does he need me as I need him.. or do we need eachother? Does he see us.. or doesn’t he. The whole feel exists, all those things are nice but the true fundamental aspect of it .. what I desired and had known it was is here.. but it’s funny. I understand the challenging HE .. the unseen HE will already know the ways to tap into me.. he somehow will reveal himself slowly.

I don’t know who HE really is to be honest. I don’t know if being loyal to this makes sense.. but it’s only because it was real I still flow with it somehow.. whether broken and in pain or healed and getting better… what is this loyalty ?

This Unseen loyalty with my heavenly Father makes sense but to an unseen man? Interesting.

Will he ever make himself known?

Will I ever know?

Or do I go forward. . . and just embark on this ever changing journey.





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