As I speak to others, I see him.
He has never left my soul memory since that day. I was advised to stop overthinking, and let it go that this heart beat was just a moment that happened, and life goes on.
I don’t want to see it as just that, I really don’t.
I really don’t know if i’ll find that special need in someone I know i’m looking for. I thought I found it, I thought that heart-beat was a heads up that I can truly believe Love exists for real between two people who are truly passionate and desire eachother. Erase the fact I don’t know him but the heart-beat shows I do for this treasure cannot just be shared with anyone, right.. well especially if its a deep intimate part to us all?
I want to believe someone will care for me as much as I them but I think I have broken my own heart in the past expecting others to reciprocate the same feelings and doings back to me. I haven’t given up on Love but I have understood that to stand in it, walk in it and know it means it can empower us all to be the people or person we were meant to be.
To be deeply connected to another means so much to me, and I have sought for it, but it is rare to find. You cannot force a situation into your life by never forgetting it, I’ve understood I cannot make anyone want me unless they truly want me themselves. I believe that deep down i’ll always remenisce on it, but I have to let it go.. although for the first time I really don’t want to let go but I’m doing it for me.. I’ve let myself down too many times thinking someone would really care, thinking something special would happen and someone would really see me as the unseen does and share that with me as I see them for them, the unseen in them.
I’ll ponder life, ask questions and understand people but to give myself away *smiles* this one would be a very sticky situation unless I know for sure the Unseen God ordained it.
I’ll call him my heart-beat and remember him as that until the memory itself erases and goes away.
If only I didn’t have to let go, but why be comforted with something that I am creating in my own mind by what I feel in my heart. I’m creating it, not him but me.
I loved an Unseen man, but to love wasn’t in what I did – it was the love of deep emotion and understanding from what I couldn’t see about the whole incident in the first place.
Love is greater than Life huh.. for sure.