Beauty hurts

To be beautiful is not a crime, to love is a blessing.

I guess some may be fearful of one who is pure in all their hopes.

Can you destroy a heart that desires more from the inner world? Is it really obvious.

Love seems to be a crime in a society that has no true value apart, from what they suggest is their reality..  the whole outlook of being a part of something which to a person means they are involved with a situation, even if it doesn’t necesserily edify their inner being.

I believe in Love. I will always believe in Love because it saved me.

People may laugh and mock me, others may look down at me.. some purposefully act in ways to avoid my being. . but love is the greatest source of life.

Today I went shopping with my Ma, it seemed like a stretch. . . I was tired.. tired of alot of things but somehow still had strength that I praised.. I sang on the road with fullness of joy.

I had to give thanks to Jesus. I had to lift him up because I love him and I love .. Love.

People don’t know Love, some have pushed it away purposefully but I hope people find it.. it’s true meaning. I hope people really believe in what I believe in..not just me but others.. because it is a beautiful thing.

It is so beautiful from within and I believe that even though we lovers are outcasts to a society we somehow play a part in something greater behind what people see.

I’m a lover, not a hater.
I don’t want to follow the crowd.
I want to be free.

Sometimes I am discouraged by my own feelings by my own depth but I’ve had to learn  to keep fighting no matter what happens.

If I haven’t done you wrong, why should I fear you.

I’m a lover. . I choose to love even if that means I’m quiet and walking alone.

I’m a lover and I choose to look into your eyes and smile even if you laugh at me.

I’m a lover and always will be.


Love x

It is True

They say sweetness is of the word.
My words may have taste, you choose to swallow it, whether the seasons and flavours are the …pauses and the breaths you take inbetween.. it’s on you to decide.
My love for him is residing somewhere in which it cannot hide. I guess the fear somehow kept reminding me of the worst it could have been.
I don’t know what you expect of a waterfall that runs inbetween the skies and the green grass. The waterfall that brushes against your skin and runs into your blood.. why do you remind me of me.. why must I stop and feel to squeel at the thought of you.
I pant, and am breathless and other times I look away from the space I find myself sharing with God.. at the thought of you I am pushing away but pulling within too.
I slowly resuscitate my heart when I lose it in thought of you, a quick glance in my memory and i’m trying to fast forward.
To get away is impossible, I just want to stay silent but it’s not what I can do. . This was not a fantasy, my interpretation of my hearts soul was the judgement seat of a luminous surrender.
I look at myself and still see her.. me.. but I’m reminded of he too. He was the solitary soul of his world, abiding in a power that was the presence of strength to everyone else.
He was my strength. He was the one in which word flow was forced to embed a mystery that word itself began before all in all was within it.
His heart was my hope, due to his souls reflections taking its time to survey me..  I wish I could survey he.
To stare into his eyes for a while would hallucinate me or may chase me away. I can’t be seduced by you, it would only destroy what I see is true. Was I meant to forget you?

If I was, I’ve tried.

   I’ve given all that I can, what more can I give.
The deepest parts of ourselves come from understanding.. its a part of us we all find difficult to express, the part where realization meets an opening of an awareness in a intimate place.

   Would you truly understand the ins and outs of a spiritual depth of a person? Would you see it for its true nature. The recesses of its tent abiding in an unseen force yet present.
    Uniquely our own existence, our presence.. our insight, our body.. our everything in everything.

I don’t want to rush to give it to you, the secret home but I desire to know you.. the intimate knowing, the knowing which allows you to see a part of you that goes un-noticed.. the part you try your hardest to pay attention to. . would you really understand?

     I want to cover my face in embarrassment, maybe it’s too much. It’s too much to care.. about someones hidden place to want to touch it and feel it without truly touching it physically.

***     I’m looking at you now in my mind, and I wanna tell you . . I care about you on levels you don’t understand, but believe me. . just believe me.

It is true.

Hold on to us.

We are dancing not in shadows but in the light. At last, it is not a mere dream but a reality we have always existed in. Can I float with you, Can I learn with you, Can I fly with you?
My disappearance was not to hurt you, it was to help me and help you. It was to show you that I am everything you have known and had forgotten. Everything you may have not realized was already with you and in you.
You may have not understood the story fully but you will and you will see the bigger picture of who we really are.
Many may not have wanted us to reunite but it was bound to happen.
I was meant to be with you, whether they agreed or disagreed.. I knew this from the moment I met you but you never knew me. . I knew you as a passer by.
Not no ordinary passer by, but one I had met before.. many times.
We don’t all pay attention but when we do it is for a reason. Years go by but once we understand time is just another way of communication in this earthly plane we realize eternally we can always connect.
I believed myself to be a fool to believe in it, but that power of God in me wouldnt let go of the existence of God in you. Far away but so close. . just a floating mist.. an angel in disguise.. something rare.
What we learn as we grow is that we cannot let go of things that allow us to see ourselves.. it is something we all know. If someone has the ability to shake our world that person is our world, that person is our life and that person is just as much us as we are them.
It takes faith to understand such depth, it takes hope to recognize that grace and it takes undergoing pain and to be alone within it. Its a remarkable truth and achievement of knowing what we all know is greater than us.
I never knew such belief could exist, or such a person could be.. among a world full of fit ins and made up people. The outcasts seem to know more, they seem to not fit at all.. they seem to be different…but some have random and very odd stories.. but it shows mankind we all are a part of something that is giving us chances to see beyond our dwelling in sin.
You have deepened others, you have made others question themselves, you have made others see there darkness by seeing yours.
You have dived right in and still held onto the one thing no one can take away from you.
Your secret place, the teacher.. the supporter.. the encourager.. the one in whom builds you and strengthens you.
Your silence speaks, your stares are cutting into the soul.. you are something that to others appears odd but to me.. and to those who can see.. we know it is not odd.. it is not what we can explain.
It is a blessing to understand such a depth of a person in ways that would scare so many people but instead of being scared.. it drew me into you. What I found was a treasure.
Money cannot buy it, neither can material things and nothing worldly has a part in its ways but its full true nature only found in the dance can be experienced with such ease.
We all look through.. we all choose to see and not see but some are prideful and others are ashamed to speak and say something but it all is admiration of something deep that we all yearn for in ourselves.

     Hold on to us, Hold on to our togetherness.
Holy and true is Divine Love.

I am you and you are me.


Words are somehow my vehicle, I have hid in their trance for a long time.
I have not been seen beyond them for in each letter is my own formation to what is.
As I form it now ..the letters seem to be at a awkward communication with my own thinking. I’m absorbed by the understanding that we all have hidden secrets.
The world has created an unseen strategy to enable our insanities to embody a vision or even too lose sight of our will.
Inside I’m a bubble.. a bubble that has been popped into it’s ownself.
I’m somehow drifting in the motion, word is my best friend.. to listen.. to read.. to write and at times to sing. . . Words flow forever .. it will always remain. . so choose them wisely.. to edify. I feel now that silence is slowly becoming my friend. . I somehow want it to be, it is the realization of so much in God.. within me.
Silence may be a bore but I have words here.. I do. I just somehow have lost contact with the person who once existed and now I’m circling my her.. she.. well ..all of this mumble jumble.

Call me Word.

I Love You

I love you.
I love you not for anything you have done.
I love you.
I cannot run anymore. .
My legs have given up finding other routes,
I can only embed my routes in you.
The moutains are high above the sea, the birds swift in the wind as they dance to the shape of the sky.. so is my being in thought of you. I quietly sit dancing to my thought of you, I am driven by this soft room in me.
This room is yours and yours alone.
I love you.  God granted me the greatest gift,
the berry to my universe, the chocolate to my hot inner passion. I love you.
What is a young woman doing in your arms limp and vulnerable, staring into you with life in her eyes.. as she gives her all to you. Who is she that you hold her with your volumcious muscles as you rock her with your soothened heart.
I love you.

God gave me a warrior, a soldier, a spirit like no other.. must I worship the ground you walk on my King.. my Lord.. is not The Almighty, The Most High himself the power at work in you.

Oh.. Heavenly Father.. I am honoured to recieve He.. I am honoured..

I love you. . . your stares into me.. hush my words I am silenced.. I skip away .. I run but you are there behind me your arms carefully wrapping around my waist.

I am swallowed into you whole. You have bitten my heart, you have been the one to consume me. I said no.. no more pain.. I want to avoid this.. but my heart beated for you.

It wouldn’t stop beating for you. The questions came.. I was moved by your presence.. Oh.. this to.. think of creates in me a silent wine. . . May it be that this love is so strong for you that it itself cannot bare the thoughts of you.

I love you.

No man is like you. You are the grand pavilion, the truth where I can dwell. God is your everlasting image invisible in you.

I love you.

As I turn around to stare into you, I know that maybe uncertainties can create waves of discord but I want to stay true. I want to love until maybe love itself is so intoxicated by itself that you and I maybe realize our design could just be… could just be. . . would you ever be.. true.. would you ever .. really see me as you.

Oh Lover.. never mind me.

I love you & God lives in this seed.

Forever Us

As dark as it may be..whether it is
The charcoal skin, the glossy brown or the caramel..
fine silk and smoothness in our eyes.
Inside our adrenaline is the pulse of dark matter becoming a light.
A clouded spell being seen for what it is..
the hidden secrets of God in us.
We silently sit together in a room.. quietly.
I look at you and you me.

We know what we want to see, and we are seeing it. You smile and so do I.. It’s us.
It is a testimony of our inner life.

You survey my whole being and I do the same in awe of you.. Neither one of us wanting to touch the other. Our hearts heating the warm blood in our being.

You feel my energy from across the room, your spirit flies into the middle of the room and mine follows. We are both staring into eachother, why can’t we look away. . Why are you piercing me from within.. my spirit beginning to move away.. you draw closer.

“Look into me”  you say

As I do your whole aura wraps around me.

I melt, I dissolve.. intoxicated by his grace alone.. dark matter becoming a light.

Why am I silenced by this truth in you.

He senses everything about me.. I feel everything in him. I can’t let go of the intoxication, I can’t let go. His dark matter has   become my light.. I’m holding on, he somewhat being a hero of my bleeding heart.

We sit back into our seats opposite eachother.

“I can’t let you go” I say quietly looking down at my naked body. . . “If I do, I’ll suffocate and I won’t be able to see life like I know I should see it. You are unseen but I love you… It is something knitted in me.. I want to lean on you as you lean into me. . . your the strong rock in my heart, how can I go on if you aren’t by me.

He looked away..

“I’ll always be by you, and I’m never letting you go. Let me suffocate you with my tenderness and smooth me with your soft touch. You have always been unseen but my eyes saw your invisible and it shook into me. Can anyone know how deep it is but you the one my heart struck.. the one whose invisible was flying into reality seeking a truth no one can help you find but me. Gods grace is my strength but you take away every part of me that puts up this appearance of something other than me. You have deepened my me.
Please hold onto me for as long as God grants us to have eachother. Don’t let me go.. for this  is eternal”

We look up at eachother, why am I weakened in me and why do I feel his inner softness not wanting to give into the weakness. The feel is something we have never experienced a longing, a promise, a hold that crys in the invisible between us.

It’s tears felt through us.
We both stare deep into eachother . . .

Remember I am you and you are me.

Our Divine Mystery

The Opening:

I want to stop day dreaming into you.
I want to get over it all.
I want to just fast forward everything.

You have me warped into you that I can’t seem to turn to another. What if it wasn’t really meant to be?
I then am stuck in a dilemma because I’ll have to find a way to remove you from my heart.

She: “Your eyes melt my soul, I am forced to look away at the presence of your firm being in me. I am reassured in your brown pupils that you will hold me and rock me to my warmth. You create a solitude in me where no one can enter but your strength, your brown skin mesmerizes me.. I am pulled into a trance by your beauty.. I lose myself in your presence.. I am hallucinated by your stature.
Your heart is as the sun, bright and glistening.. a heat piercing into my spirit and yet still warming my inner genitals by the glory of Gods grace in you.. in me.. in us.”

He: “Why have you hypnotized me in your unseen place, why have you risen to surround me in your touch softer than a babies murmur.. softer than I have ever known. Why must I yearn for you in places beyond my manly pleasure of entering your home. My heart needs you, my soul craves you.. my whole being weeps in need of you.. your hold in me. I’m pulled to you in ways I cannot believe.”

She: “It is not just this flower of life you water in the soil of your command, it is the walk of your legs as you slowly blend with the wind.. the passing of your head.. the slight push of your jaw… the blink of your calming eyes.. the arms that lay gently on your side. I am staring at my Lord.. with brown wooly hair and brown skin that is my natures bliss…my oil to my hair. You have me perplex at your sight.. I want to flee.

He: “Why must you flee my intimate gazelle, you are the earths soil to my plantation.. the bones to my own bone. Why must you run when I so dearly long for you.. other ladies may seem splendid to the eye flaunting there being but you are more than gold, & emeralds .. diamonds or are The crystal myrrh with frankincense.. The unheard of gems that embody my soil. Your tears ache my being, they create in me a pain that lingers to my core. .A pain I cannot experience with no one else but you. . You enrich my sperm with innocent desire, that can only bring tears from my soul into my eyes ..sliding down my cheeks into your mouth as you swallow my pain, my hidden secrets, the feelings that go un-noticed you quench my thirst and I am in you..resurrected to entale the mystery of our design. .


We are both He & She, We are both the danger zone to our own penetrated desire melting in our catapult.

     You dissolve into earth just like I.

Yet we grow into the largest tree

Images of the Unseen force, dark as soil.. but bright as the sun. Our powers are the connection of the Living One and the Universe.

Our Divine Mystery.

Cradle Me, In the Manger

Seems like letting you go is to painful for the soul memory.
I’ve had many interludes in my musical piece, my orchestra band continue to flow with sweet sounds of angelic poetry.
They say Love is a battle field, a reconstruction site.. the valley of the shadow of death.
I somehow tred carefully and at times I’ve been in traps that succombed my whole being.. constantly crying out on my the unknown and yet still the greatest strength penetrated from the invisible and made itself known.
You came into my life, but you disappeared. .
You somehow were the whole of my heart and my mind and the God who governs that saw how you were the lure into his territory.
The heart of light.. the heart that mysteriously collected life.
Do you believe in something outside of yourself and inside yourself.. also away from yourself something that can make you speechless in the presence of him or maybe her? That silence that echoes more than a 1000 words and that laughter which rolls you both into each others arms. The smiles and kisses that take your breath from your inner being and the dance to the hold of eternity.. the eye stare that grabs your spirit and chokes it into your soul..gluing you from within and captivated from without.
I knew it would touch me, I questioned it. . right where the light was. . it touched the place. Its not needing you, its knowing that not needing you ushers in a call.. a mystic wonder that makes it hard to release such an intense truth. I can’t let you go.. no matter how hard I try.
What has it done to you? Have you changed.. who were you.. who are you now.
Does it even matter?

   I chose God over everything, even where you think you mean everything only God comprehends that majestic sovereignty that none can grasp but those who yearn for the inevitable.

     It’s fleeting, this emotional rollercoaster and then it beckons itself back through other experiences. . but your strength forces the power of this raw burning fire to dissolve into water.

    I care about you. I don’t think I can miss you but I can care enough to know that your presence is a gift. .to me. I don’t know your presence but I feel it, maybe my imagination takes me to that place but I know your presence is my hidden eyes.

Hidden vows in my heart, sweet words only for you. I believe those hidden words are the inspiration for the musical piece, my orchestra seem to love playing.

   You are unforgettable, I don’t really want to forget. I honestly don’t.. but I don’t want to have to be madly insane in this that I somehow cannot perceive reality.

   It has embedded something.. whether we all know it has taken place, it’s already been seen or whether its just a play in action or most importantly beyond belief and the greatest story of truth that recreates itself in us.. who is strong enough to keep the touch with the unseen. The Part in which touches and melts you but the eyes cannot quite resemble such a sacred feel. . its glare piercing to a soft place.. who can take this connection.

    God knew and has always known the imperfection of humanity in which we fall victim to believing the knowing when we ourselves are unknown.

   We consistently wonder and contemplate on the things un-necessary and so what we are lessens in the process. Long was the love of an endless call out of time. I sought for you, did I find you? I called to you and did you come? My heart rang the bell . . did you open the door? I was there staring into your eyes did you ever recognize me?
I looked away ..did you make me look towards you again?
You never saw me but my invisible spoke.

Tell me the mystery of God if he so greatly made me in you.. tell me what a great love one is. For One is what I cannot fathom and even in this state I can hallucinate.. maybe stop breathing and even still I know One is with me.

Cradling one in the manger of my ocean, as my still dances at last in his solemn heart.

Trust, Understanding & Acceptance.

So you question Love. . you ponder on it.. you wonder what is this potent depth that arouses every part of your senses. Your joys, your fears, your secrets, your unknown hidden parts.. the places you dwell within. The places unseen, the parts of you that seems unquestionable. It’s not really a battle it’s just silent inner world’s roaming seeking for their own answers. The answers that can put you at the right place at the right time.. in your own inner high to cause a catastrophic event.. one that would be the dominoe collapse of your spiritual home. One that will destroy everything causing havoc on most things in a subtle way and yet as you war for the power to stay sane you are forced to hold onto the invisible. Should this make you mad? Prideful, lustful.. or even a point of sexual desire… No. At the point Love enters in pride, lust and sexual desire is diminished.
What are we love? What is the cause of a war your built to win when eliminating what is known to man, to deliver him a secret message – a code of conduct he must himself unravel. God the supreme is sovereign in truth .. so we.. Love.. huh having descended from on high to rest among men who call you.. this holy pact you forge as the evils summon powers to dominate you.. the sovereign must wage war on your behalf. They say God is Love do they really understand what they say?
You compare God to something that self-destructs.. and yet rebuilds. Destroy this temple and in 3 days I will rebuild it again.
It’s not the events at all is it? It’s not the ties either. So why do you believe? What do you believe? What is this string that leads you to the throne of providence… what is that cry that keeps you kneeling before the throne. Don’t tell me faith.. that itself is just a key.
Hope, that is the initiator of life’s key. Love is everywhere at one, seeing in the hidden places. God partakes of it’s truth, for doesn’t it come from He?
Male and Female in He.. I guess I was somehow looking in it through a lens that I knew would make me see it’s insight.
The mystery is truly a kite.

The Heart-beat💜💜💜

It’s been a year since your heart truly was felt in mine. It seems crazy that I haven’t forgot, its been with me the whole time.
I may be a helpless romantic love bird, who seems clingy and over emotional and affectionate and silly and extremely odd.. but a heartbeat means everything.
Its a melody to my songs, a rhyme to my spiritual being.
I wanted to forget but I always remember important things.
I could write so much but I won’t.
Mr. Heartbeat, it all was too much what I saw after I felt you but all I know is even though we are not together and may not be together in the future.. Know that..
Your my Heart-Beat ; And I will always love you and remember you!

Happy HeartBeat Anniversary 💜💜💜